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whatto do when you have finished with one guy do you go get another?

(13 Posts)
Ambers123 Mon 27-Jun-11 10:52:24

is it the done thing now to go out and find another man when you have finished with another?, never been into instant relationships but my friends are telling me to go out and look again, I ask myself do i have the will?

Anniegetyourgun Mon 27-Jun-11 11:02:13

I can't think of a way of answering this that won't come over a little harsh, but... surely whether you want another relationship is a choice only you can make for yourself? Neither your friends nor a bunch of internet strangers can really answer the question for you. Whether dating again at this point is wise in your current situation, well, we can probably come up with some sensible views but would need to know what that situation is. I very much doubt whether there is a "done thing" as far as relationships go, there's just "what works for you".

If, on the other hand, you aren't particularly interested in dating again just now but your friends are pushing you to it, they should perhaps support your decision rather than trying to live your life for you. I'm sure they mean well but they may not be right.

Ambers123 Mon 27-Jun-11 11:08:19

Thanks for that your words what works for you , has struck a chord and helped me think abit more clearly about this ,

SayItLoud Mon 27-Jun-11 11:13:25

Doesn't it depend on whether you meet someone you like, find interesting and attractive, and want to see again?

I guess if I were newly single, my 'interesting single man' radar might get switched on a bit! However, the idea of going to just 'find a man' seems pretty awful to me.

Ambers123 Mon 27-Jun-11 11:16:05

Good point no I would not want to go out and get any man I would need to have something in common and obviously mutual attraction has to be there, just felt pressurised by friends telling me to forget and move on so quickly.

SenoritaViva Mon 27-Jun-11 11:16:59

I have a theory that you need make sure you can be happy by yourself if you are to be truly happy in a relationship. I don't really respect people who think that you can only be happy if you are in a relationship. I also think if you are happy and content then you are a far more attractive person and in the end you are likely to attract someone else who is also happy and content (i.e. a good relationship!)

Don't measure yourself on whether you are or aren't in a relationship.

Only get into a relationship if you think someone is worth it. I think it is good to be open to going on a date or two but be tough and have standards and don't be afraid to say 'I think you're great but not for me'.

Good friends support whatever decision you make.

Ambers123 Mon 27-Jun-11 11:20:14

I quite agree thanks for that! , I am happygo lucky person and hey it didnt work out , and yes i feel i should be open to any offers if they turn up!, I am independent always have been, think my friends just want to see me settle with a nice man which i can understand , as they know it is my wish now my kids are grown up.

TheOriginalFAB Mon 27-Jun-11 11:21:00

There is nothing about this that needs to be the done thing, there is no done thing about relationships apart from not cheating imo. You can't plan these things really. I finished with one man on Boxing Day then started dating my next boyfriend in January. That worked out fine as we have been married for 11 years now grin.

Ambers123 Mon 27-Jun-11 11:24:37

Wow thanks you for sharing that is a truly lovley story , I guess we never know who or what is round the corner, and as you say no one can plan these things.
Happy for you, sorry can you tell me is what IMO ? please new to this thanks.

Anniegetyourgun Mon 27-Jun-11 11:28:47

"in my opinion"

TheOriginalFAB Mon 27-Jun-11 11:30:17

Yes, Annie is right.

Anniegetyourgun Mon 27-Jun-11 11:31:20

Annie is always right grin

And modest, obviously.

Ambers123 Mon 27-Jun-11 11:33:13

Thankyou both SO Much , great to have the input on here really appreciate it!

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