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Would you be upset or overreacting?

(15 Posts)
camaleon Sun 26-Jun-11 21:49:33

We have 2 kids. For the last 4 years my dh could not make it for the final 'graduation' ceremony of the nursery. Last year he was travelling and I had to decide between my dd performance at school and the graduation ceremony at ds nursery. Because he was not 'graduating' and it was first year for dd at school I went to that one. Ds was really, really upset.

I promised to go to the 'graduation' ceremony of ds this year whatever happened at dd school. My dh was here for the very first time. The graduation ceremoy started at 2.30 pm and he booked a tennis game at 3 pm. The ceremony went for much longer (had not started by 3 pm) and he left.

He says that he could not cancel the tennis game (protocol apparently). I am incredibly angry at this, as if this was the single most important proof of where he rates his family. He left to play tennis and I stayed with our child, but I am very resentful about this.

Would you have the same reaction or is this over the top? I feel like we are not part of the same team anymore and I would really appreciate your views/advice if you think this is not that important.

tazmin Sun 26-Jun-11 21:53:04

i would have been very annoyed he left to play blimmin tennis

but wtf is a graduation ceremony for tiddly kids hmm

RabidRabbit Sun 26-Jun-11 21:54:16

He can't cancel a tennis game (bollocks btw) but he can disappoint his son, who had already been disappointed the year before? Nice.

SinicalSal Sun 26-Jun-11 21:57:03

no, not over the top at all.
I assume he 'can't' cancel because it would disappoint his game partner? But it's ok to disappoint his child. priorities need readjusting, to put it mildly.

GypsyMoth Sun 26-Jun-11 21:57:40

'graduation' .....lol,what the hell is that?? nursery age? christ...
i'd say get used to it,this is how its going to be! right up to the important stuff in later years

Sassybeast Sun 26-Jun-11 21:57:45

Apart from the fact that graduation ceremonies for tiny kids are pretty pointless, your DH was rude and unreasobable to leave before the end.

hellospoon Sun 26-Jun-11 22:00:21

what is a nursery graduation? hmm

He was an arse. Point it out to him and see what he says. He may not feel it was a big thing

camaleon Sun 26-Jun-11 22:00:44

Thank you for the answers.
I feel like a child not knowing how to judge this. I guess it is part of the bigger picture, feeling like a lesser human being unable to judge what is REALLY important and what is not. By the way, I am working full time too.... and I cannot imagine myself being able to escape work and booking a zumba dance the day of the graduation ceremony expecting everybody to fit their schedule around mine.

Thank yuou

onepieceofcremeegg Sun 26-Jun-11 22:03:16

I think he was being unrealistic to book a game at 3pm when the "graduation" was only half an hour before. Imo if you are attending any event, then you either do it with good grace, or not at all. His behaviour smacks to me of not really wanting to be there.

fwiw our nursery does "graduations" - basically a little ceremony for the preschoolers that are leaving. A bit ott maybe, but the children seem to like it.

camaleon Sun 26-Jun-11 22:06:16

Answering the question of what a graduation ceremony means; It is a party the nursery throws for those leaving the nursery to go to 'big school' every year in June. Every child attends and they get a sense of what leaving the nursery feels like. This year was my son's turn, but my husband has missed every one of them for the last 4 years for both my dd and my ds. So far it was more than justified (in a business trip). This year he was here but tennis was more important

coproxamol Sun 26-Jun-11 22:06:27

OP, you would not book a Zumba class on the same day as an important event, because you are not a selfish-arse bloke.
If his attitude is like this all the time then I would explain to your DCs that they are going to have to get used to being let down by their dad...a lot.

camaleon Sun 26-Jun-11 22:07:50

And thank you for the answers!

pooka Sun 26-Jun-11 22:13:52

What on earth was he thinking, booking a tennis match for 3pm when the nursery thing was at 2.30pm? Really crappy.

buzzsore Sun 26-Jun-11 22:24:24

He's an arse.

Fairenuff Sun 26-Jun-11 22:47:25

It wasn't important to him but it was important to your son and to you for him to be there. Your husband needs to understand this basic fact. Have you ever attended something that was really boring for you but important for your husband, a 'work' dinner, visit to in-laws, for example. Surely he can see that sometimes you just have to put a smile on your face and be gracious for a couple of hours. It wouldn't kill him to try harder imo.

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