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Help me deal with my dd's father

(6 Posts)
Daydreaming Sun 26-Jun-11 19:34:26

I will try to keep this short but I really need some support and reassurance.
My husband left me after a long marriage, shortly after the birth of our first child, to be with someone else. It was a horrendous time. Dd is now 5 and I am proud of the way she has turned out. My ex-husband really hurt me and did some terrible things after he left but I have always tried to maintain a good relationship with him, particularly that he has helped out financially, etc.

The problem is that as an ex-wife is feel that I am always in the wrong and I feel like it's some sort of life long prison sentence. For example, today dd came back after staying with her father for the night, and he started complaining that she is too loud and that she needs to talk in a quieter voice, etc. Dd is very lively and when she is excited she does talk loudly and can scream a bit, but normally she is fine - just a normal 5 year old. I suspect that his new wife must have complained about, as he has younger children with her. When I questioned it, he started saying that "everyone" agrees with him.

I feel that no matter how hard I try my existence and dd will always trigger conflict.

What should I do? Just ignore comments like this, rather than trying to discuss it?

I am still trying to come to terms with the way my life has turned out -and this kind of thing makes it so much harder.

LilQueenie Sun 26-Jun-11 19:57:12

I would tell him its her nature to be loud sometimes and that she is a child. Doesnt his other children get excited and loud? Ive never known a child not to! Sounds like it may be the new wife causing problems.

Daydreaming Sun 26-Jun-11 20:20:05

Thanks LQ. I did tell him that she is probably louder with him, because she is excited to see him, etc. I think it must have been something yesterday that triggered this outburst from him.... I just don't know how to deal with this.

Xales Sun 26-Jun-11 20:30:50

Just say she is fine here with me it must be something you are doing.

Pass the buck right back and that you are happy with her with you (-:

Xales Sun 26-Jun-11 20:31:35

If she is sharing him with other children compared to you she may have to be louder to compete or get attention as he expects her to do as she is older.

Hope that makes sense.

Daydreaming Sun 26-Jun-11 20:49:43

Yes, that all makes sense.
I just wish things were different.

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