Went out tonight with DH and friends for someone's birthday. I decided not to drink because DH and I are having a hard time at the moment and I know it brings out the worst in me. We had a nice evening (DH a bit tipsy, but really OK). We're waiting to pay the bill and conversation turns to paying bills. DH starts up on how when we went out with my family for my birthday DH offered to pay and my dad took him up on the offer. FFS, my family are super generous with us, with money and their time and hospitality and babysitting. (His family are shit and mean). I got really pissed off and said something along the lines of " shut the fuck up or I'm off". He carried on. I walked out and went home. This was about 90 mins ago. He's texted to check if I got home, but is still out. I'm pissed off that as usual my parents are babysitting, I organised the friend's present, I didn't drink because I thought it would have made a nice evening more likely. DS is with my parents over night so we could have had fun and a nice lie in, instead I'll have DH and his hang over and then have DS without any help. And DH works 2 saturdays in 3 so a weekend we can spend all together is precious. I actually feel like throwing up. I know it's a bit of an over reaction. And money's tight and I bet he's out drinking. I just don't know why I bother.
feel poo. Not that bothered about not drinking. he probably won't even blame the drink tomorrow. He really wasn't that drunk. Only mentioned it cos it's ironic that I abstained because I knew it would end in a row if I had a drink. I'm just so disappointed that our evening out ended so shitly (is that even a word) when we could have had fun. we so rarely get a night out and even more rare to get a lazy morning in together. Really want a fag even though gave up ages ago. shop is closed though.
He's not a bad man... just sometimes he says stupid hurtful things. And I have been putting a lot of energy into thinking before I speak (hence the not drinking cos I know it makes me more impulsive). So my outburst was a childish response to his hurtful comment... 6 of one, half a dozen the other. I'm having counselling to help me sort myself out. How this him being supportive? I'm still upset though. And want a fag.
Oh, and I'm not pissed! I didn't drink...he'll be the one getting things out of proportion. Of course, I'm being totally rational typing away madly on the laptop, stewing away in bed, while he's still out on the piss!
Sorry to hear you feel awful and upset - it may also be a bit of nicotine withdrawal that's making you feel awful, as well as your DH's comments. Just to clarify - did you say he started criticising your dad? Or was it just that he brought up the topic and it upset you? By the way, well done for staying off the cigarettes. How about a nice cup of tea?? The nicotine gum is ok if you really, really feel you do need a cigarette, but if the craving passes, then leave the gum where it is. Anecdotally and scientifically, more women seem to get the symptoms of nicotine withdrawal worse than men. But women usually have more willpower than men to stop. You know, it is good that he texted you to see that you got home ok. He could well be staying out late still because he's afraid that you'll yell at him if he got home, and is probably waiting for you to fall asleep, then he tiptoes in quietly. (It's a very typical guy thing to do). So maybe text him back and say you're going to sleep now? But even if he gets back soon, I'd suggest you wait till you both had a good night's sleep before talking it over.
At the moment my husband is in bed, im still drinking because my parents are babysitting, my friends (who i rarely see and go out with because they are single and can go out when they like,) are away home and its a rare chance to have any fun without waking the child, so I am frustrated. He annoys me because I am made to feel like this is my fault, and has just called down the stairs, wanting me to go to sleep because "he cannot go to sleep without me". When i said i wasnt tired yet, he said in a really sarcastic tone that "thats fine im not getting up till tea time tommorow"!! my parents are due to bring my son back at lunch time and yet again i feel like im on my own. Any minor problem (like my son is teething and gurny/clingy) is my fault and he blows up! Im really fed up and feel like when i defend myself and my son and get angry it gets worse! really feel upset and dont know what to do
GetOrf speaks sense. Telling him to shut the F&$% up in front of friends after he had been drinking wasn't the way to go about it. Not saying you are not absolutely right to feel the way you do however.
When he sobers up tell him he gets to organise the next night out, find a babysitter, pay her/him, and all without relying on your parents.
Dowelly, you have a man-child at best and an abusive twat at worst on your hands. Trying to separate you from your friends when you're having a good time and blaming you/anger when things go wrong with your son spell deep trouble.
Why on earth didn't you just say something like Oh come on, my parents do loads for us, its the least we could do in return....instead of STFU?! I'd be hacked off if my DH ever said that to me, never mind while out with friends!