Talk

Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Can I ask some questions about getting to a refuge please?

(39 Posts)
BlueViolet Sat 25-Jun-11 20:51:06

I have so many questions I don't know where to begin

Would they find me a place in a refuge at very shortnotice? So if I left tomorrow and then phoned them would they be able to accommodate us?

If I literally only have the clothes that dc and I are wearing would they provide us with some clothes?

Same question for stuff like bottle, dummies etc

Would they be able to pick us up?

How long do they let you stay?

Would really appreciate any advice at all.

Many thanks x

veritythebrave Sat 25-Jun-11 21:00:39

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

want2sleep Sat 25-Jun-11 21:01:12

Hi Blueviolet

Didnt want it to go unanswered and no expert as only had to phone/outreach WA thankfully.

I have heard they pick up in my area and they will find something at another place if local WA refuge full. I think you can stay up to 52 wees but in that time they help you relocate or return when safe.

I dont know about clothes etc but a community care grant covers that for domestic violence situations....but again that could take a week if not weeks...they must do something to help as some mums and children do have to just leave that minute/hour/day with very little.

They always advise to get passports/bank cards/books/income boos and valuables ie photos etc that may be destroyed and birth certs driving cards etc...some one will be here soon x Sounds badsad

PonceyMcPonce Sat 25-Jun-11 21:03:05

If you are stuck, I know the salvation army (our local church) has walked into situations when the police have refused to go in.

The more options the better perhaps.

Good luck

hobbgoblin Sat 25-Jun-11 21:04:38

This is how it works: By the way, my return key isn't working. You phone Women's Aid and tell them you need to flee domestic abuse urgently and have no safe accommodation. If you can wait then they will try and accommodate you locally, if you cannot then they will put you wherever there is a space in a refuge. They will offer you support in leaving so you can discuss all the issues with them such as transport and so on. When you are there you will almost certainly receive an emergency supplies kit with soap, deodorent and stuff like that. You don't need to worry about anything except getting safe. They don't just dump you in a hostel at all. The first week you get lots of support sorting out benefits and any police stuff... You stay until a Local Authority can house you either permanently or in temporary accomodation. This can be weeks or months, it really depends. The hostel I was in was private rooms with bunk beds which you share with your children. The bathrooms and kitchens were shared. Hostel living is not glorious but not awful either. My kids loved it but I found it hard sharing living space after having lived independently for about 15 years! Forgot to say, you can house yourself at any time if you are able - you don't have to wait for council housing. I left with all I could grab and fit in a Peugeot 306 with 3 children. It's okay, it is waaaay better than an abusive home.

Ambers123 Sat 25-Jun-11 21:08:13

Blue good luck with it my friend has just done it and as been put in lovley temporary accomodation it took her along time to do it but now knows it is best for her and her kids , the support she gets is just second to none, i know the first step is hard but remember it is the first step to freedom, all the very best.

veritythebrave Sat 25-Jun-11 21:08:17

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

veritythebrave Sat 25-Jun-11 21:09:45

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

millie30 Sat 25-Jun-11 21:30:55

Hi OP. I went to a refuge with the help of the police. They rang Women's Aid for me who put me through to a refuge in a nearby town who had space. The police drove me there and I took some basics with me. I also took all important paperwork such as passports, DCs birth certificate etc.

The room I was given had bunkbeds, a sofabed, tv, own little kitchen and ensuite shower and toilet so it was all self contained. There was a welcome pack waiting for me which included toiletries, and the kitchen had a few days worth of food it in- tins, soups, pasta, noodles etc plus tea, coffee and milk. The refuge also lent me a travel cot to use. There were always donations of clothes and toys to have a rummage through as well.

I had very little money with me but the next day I met my keyworker who advised me on everything and I was able to use their phone to apply for benefits and a crisis loan to tide me over. She also recommended a solicitor who specialised in domestic violence cases and came with me to my first appointment to sort out an injunction, prohibitive steps order and residency.

From there I was also given help with housing, and I was given secondhand furniture from a project that worked with the refuge. If you need to go into a refuge for your safety please just go. They will help you with anything you need and provide a vital link to be able to access other services. They also continued to support me with outreach support once I'd left the refuge, and I'll be forever thankful for how much they helped me.

Good luck.xx

veritythebrave Sat 25-Jun-11 21:31:41

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BlueViolet Sat 25-Jun-11 21:43:29

Thank you all for replying. You are such brave women.

I am slowly planning things. I have a bag hidden and I've been getting a few things together. I have got copies of all our birth certificates and my marriage certificate from the register office, I couldn't take the ones we have already without him noticing. I've also made photo copy's of other important documents, stuff relating to the house, insurance policies, and copies of bank that show dh's wages going into bank so he can't deny what he earns at a later date.

BlueViolet Sat 25-Jun-11 21:45:03

Oh I also bought a cheap payg phone and have put some credit on it so I can leave my old phone here. That way he won't have my number.

millie30 Sat 25-Jun-11 21:48:03

BlueViolet well done for making plans. Does your local area provide a refuge outreach service? Some have drop in sessions and can offer support and advice, and you may be able to go into the refuge with their help. It may be worth looking into in order to get some additional support and info.

BlueViolet Sat 25-Jun-11 21:51:05

I don't know if they do. I saw scared of looking for information online or making phone calls because I really think he'd find out.

NotEnoughTime Sat 25-Jun-11 21:51:20

Good Luck BlueViolet, you can do this.

I really admire your bravery. Your children will thank you for this one day too.

veritythebrave Sat 25-Jun-11 21:51:31

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

blackeyedsusan Sat 25-Jun-11 21:59:36

phone box. anonymous.

well done. you are doing well.

jewellry of sentimental value and photos which are hard to replace. have you got digitaal photos you can email to a friend and access later? or parents/faamily you can lend some copies to?

good luck....

BlueViolet Sat 25-Jun-11 22:02:00

I don't know if they do. I saw scared of looking for information online or making phone calls because I really think he'd find out.

BlueViolet Sat 25-Jun-11 22:02:26

Sorry about repost of message

SheCutOffTheirTails Sat 25-Jun-11 22:03:51

Good luck BlueViolet, God speed.

BlueViolet Sat 25-Jun-11 22:03:58

Ah yes photos! Never thought of them. I can email them to my sister.

What happens about schooling when you are in the refuge?

hobbgoblin Sat 25-Jun-11 22:04:45

The WA site has a delete history facility as I recall. Either that or it Auto doesn't show up in history.

TimeForMeIsFree Sat 25-Jun-11 22:05:43

Here is my thread Blue www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/936487-For-anyone-desperate-to-leave-an-abusive-relationship-but-reluctant?msgid=24177092

I moved to a refuge with DD in February last year, I have a whole new and happy life now smile

happymole Sat 25-Jun-11 22:06:16

You sound very brave BlueViolet

Sending you my beat wishes x

happymole Sat 25-Jun-11 22:07:28

God what an awful typo (blush)

Best

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now