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I've (almost) become an undercover lover and need your advice...

(14 Posts)
secretromance Sat 25-Jun-11 18:40:53

I joined a dating site called Undercover Lovers just for fun and because my marriage was going through yet another rocky patch. I didn't intend to actually have real world meetings with any guys off the site, but have now met one I really like. We've not yet consumated the relationship but it's taking all of my self control not to. My husband and I have lnot had any physical intimacy for years and the attention from this new man has transformed my feelings of self worth. Do I go all the way with him or wave goodbye now before it gets any more serious?

DoubleNegativePanda Sat 25-Jun-11 18:43:54

I think you get a divorce if you are that unhappy in your marriage before you start a new relationship hmm

FabbyChic Sat 25-Jun-11 18:45:35

Only you can decide how far you go, but think of the ramifications if you get emotionally involved, if your partner finds our or even his.

Are you happy to just be a bit on the side? For want of a better word a spunk recepticle? only used for sex?

How can only being seen for sex increase your self esteem?

Aren't you worth far more than that? Why stay in a marriage where you are unhappy?

Icelollycraving Sat 25-Jun-11 18:48:34

Get divorced or separated before getting involved with anyone else if you are that unhappy.

EweLoveIt Sat 25-Jun-11 18:48:38

Agree with DNP - get a divorce.

kayah Sat 25-Jun-11 18:51:30

sort out your relationship with your husband first

if he finds out there are going to be ramifications behond what you can imagine now

trust will go, he would hate you, if you have kids, they may find out etc

is not worth the thrill

Ambers123 Sat 25-Jun-11 18:55:34

Take everyones advice not worth the hassle , get your self sorted divorce or seperate , we can all be tempted, there will be plenty of time for seeing new man and if he is worth his salt he will wait for you then youwill know if you have found a keeper and avoid anymore heart ache.

proudnscaryvirginmary Sat 25-Jun-11 18:56:07

By asking 'should I go all the way' <boak - weird cringey American teen speak> with him it suggests you've gone, ahem, some of the way?

Look if this post is real and not a advert for said stupid website (which I bet my life it is) - of course you shouldn't. Have some self control and some respect for your husband and finish the relationship first.


pinkytheshrinky Sat 25-Jun-11 19:01:31

This is all so incredibly tawdry. Grow some balls and have the courage of your conviction: get a divorce before you start playing around. You just sound like a gutless and heartless slapper.

OovoofWelcome Sun 26-Jun-11 00:21:30

Agree with proudnscary - obviously an ad. Weak.

secretromance Sun 26-Jun-11 17:18:07

Thanks for your sage advice ladies and no this is not a cringy ad for said website. Of course the right thing to do is to try and sort out my marriage first, although this requires input and desire from both parties involved and my husband prefers to run away from confronting our difficulties.

M0naLisa Sun 26-Jun-11 18:39:28

Speak to your dh first. Tell him your relationship is mkaing you turn to othersm do you love your dh??

M0naLisa Sun 26-Jun-11 18:39:28

Speak to your dh first. Tell him your relationship is mkaing you turn to othersm do you love your dh??

secretromance Sun 26-Jun-11 20:40:36

Yes, I still love him but in more of a brotherly way (not surprising given we don't have a physical relationship any more).

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