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Friends

(5 Posts)
noddyholder Sat 25-Jun-11 13:08:59

How much do you interfere? I have a friend she is my oldest friends sister but she lives in the same town as me and as I have known the family for years we have become a lot closer in the last few years.She went through a messy break up and has a dd aged 5 and struggles as a parent and financially and I am always there to listen etc. She met a guy online and has been seeing him since Jan and I am concerned as he seems to have a lot of probs with jealousy and has stormed off several times and then she has begged him to come back. This has happened again last night and when I spoke to her she said it was her fault as she went for a drink with one of her mates (male) and he dp found out and lost it. I have just told her to be careful and not get in too deep but am worried as she is considering moving in with him this summer and her dd is so young and vulnerable after a chaotic first few years that I want to say hold and slow down but don't want to fall out with her.

aseriouslyblondemoment Sat 25-Jun-11 13:14:20

a tricky one!
i'd be inclined to give advice if it's asked for.but i would let her know that you are always there for her.

noddyholder Sat 25-Jun-11 13:17:17

Yes you are right. I am concerned it will be too late and it will become physical. He has a very troubled past and I am concerned she is taking this on when she should be concentrating on herself and her daughter. It is not good that she has to lie about seeing a very old friend but I suppose I have to butt out.

pixie100 Sat 25-Jun-11 14:01:07

hi noddyholder,

are you able to talk to her about other things?

if so then maybe you could try to talk to her about this again, in a friendly way- trying to bring up in a general way issues about jealousy/controlling behaviour etc... & try to get her to say/see what he is like without you actaully 'telling' her?

if he isn't a good one, then maybe she'd apreciate advice now, Especaiilly if things have been chaotic for her.

I understand taht you don't want to 'fall out' with her, but if it all decends into chaos - would you have prefered to have 'tried' to say something before hand? I'm sure that you could find a way to tell her again that you are worried. even if she doesn't liike it, you can still be there for her.

You could always write to her, what you've said above ". I am concerned it will be too late and it will become physical. He has a very troubled past and I am concerned she is taking this on when she should be concentrating on herself and her daughter. It is not good that she has to lie about seeing a very old friend " etc...

I think i'd prefer someone to tell me. I know it's not always that easy as if she doens't want to listen, there isnt anytning you can say anyway ! ! !

good luck & she's lucky to have such a good friend.

noddyholder Sat 25-Jun-11 14:29:52

Well they split 2 weeks ago and I did tell her then. It was another jealousy issue regarding her having male friends. I told her it was for the best and she didn't need to take on someone as a 'project' (her words when she 1st met him) and she agreed. 2 days later they were back together and he said it would never happen again. Now this. I am more concerned that she is planning to live with him so soon her dd is just 5 and has never had stability and really needs it imo.

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