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my husband does not love me anymore since our wee daughter is about 3 months old

(7 Posts)
littlehuman Thu 23-Jun-11 15:24:54

hi, just wondering if anyone has experience a distant husband/partner not ver long after the birth of thei first child.
dd is now 6 months old and i cant stand living with my husband anymore, he s looking at me like if i was a total stranger when we ve been together for 7 years...he is very irritable, he always used to tell me to relax about things and now he is the one picking on everything and getting angry for nothing.
he just says he feels different about me, he wont talk to anyone about it. so i asked him to move out for a few days to think about it and what he want to do.he said if he does that he might not want to come bk, but surely for the sake of everyone involved its better to know what we are at or not?...

memorylapse Thu 23-Jun-11 19:08:32

I didnt want to leave your thread unanswered..just dashing out but will post quickly

firstly it could be the stress of a new baby, it can put a strain on even the strongest relationship..did you have a difficult birth?? some mum struggle after watching their partner go through a horrendous birth..

he could be jealous of the attention you lavish on your new baby..I think some men struggle with the transistion from being a couple, to being parents..

the other thing is sadly that there may be someone else..has he been keeping his mobile close, working late..spending a lot of time on the pc..unfortunately many people come out with the line that they dont feel the same when there is a new attraction..

pfbornot Thu 23-Jun-11 19:10:51

am in hurry so sorry for abruptness

time after baby is born = major major stress on marriage

need to give it a lot more time to weather the storm and settle down with child (as opposed to baby)

book advice = don't split in first 2 yrs of child's life unless abuse/similar because such a flashpoint.

ddubsgirl Thu 23-Jun-11 19:13:55

sometime men find it hard,your no longer his partner/lover etc before you were just u & him and now your a mum he sees you in a different light,sit down and talk to him xxx

memorylapse Thu 23-Jun-11 19:14:58

That should have said some MEN not mum..struggle after watching their partner go through a horrendous birth

MariaMaria1984 Thu 23-Jun-11 20:40:45

Ah hun, I had to post when I saw your thread!!

Hubby and I are going through the same thing (kind of...). When DS (our first) was 6 weeks old, hubby left (we had had an argument because I was jealous and had trust issues...he doesn't seem to understand that women are insecure during and after such a traumatic event...). Anyway, he said he needed time to think so was going to stay at his dads. This was 3 months ago and he's still not been back since! He has taken off his wedding ring and says he doesn't love me anymore, so has basically given up on our marriage!

Why men choose to do/say these things when we are at our most vulnerable, I will never know...

I sort of agree with you in that its best that he moves out for a bit and you know what he feels rather than plodding along, feeling that its not going anywhere. However, I kinda wish no matter how I behaved (I completely get that I was not an angel!!) that my hubby would have stuck around for a bit longer, at least for me to get my strength back!! I guess Im just saying that if he does go away for a bit, be prepared that he might not come back, as hard as it is.

I hope for your sake that he is just having a panic and will sort his head out and realise that he is being an idiot. Has he actually said that he doesn't love you?

Message me if you want to talk at all, have loads of advice I can share, having lived this for the past 3 months!!

x

PoppyField Fri 24-Jun-11 09:14:45

Hi littlehuman,
I keep trying to post a reply here but system keeps logging me out - you don't want to know that, but I want to give you my support and I'll try to type out the huge reply that I had, yet again, very soon!
Your situation sounds very like mine, only I'm three years down the track from you. Back soon. Stay strong, Poppy

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