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cant stand being touched or kissed by partner since baby?

(4 Posts)
becs90 Thu 23-Jun-11 14:10:07

i now have a 4month old little boy,
but ever since, i cant stand my partner touching/kissing me, its really causing problems in our relationship i dont know what to do any more, wether i can seek help or its just my hormones still settling from having my son,

i just would like to know if anyone else has felt like this, or has any ideas?
thanks so much

elseIlltellyourfather Thu 23-Jun-11 15:26:12

I know my feelings changed drastically towards my Dh after birth of my son, I even remember wondering what I saw in him. It is very early days for you yet. I can't remeber how long I felt it for but long enough to be worried about it (6 months at least). I did feel normal again, motherhood is a huge adjustment. maybe you are resenting him for something? Do you feel he supports/understands you?

ShowOfHands Thu 23-Jun-11 15:40:13

It's a spectrum so hard to say if it's 'normal' for you. But yes, it's utterly normal for some people to feel this way. Sometimes it solves itself, sometimes you might need a wee bit of help. The heady combination of hormones (they don't actually settle properly until 12 months post birth and some women are more sensitive to them than others), exhaustion and feeling totally and utterly physically given over to the new baby is not one that lends itself to easy marital relations imo. If you're bfing this can make things particularly difficult because you feel very physically tied to the concept of being a mother now, not a partner.

I was very shocked by the force with which I felt these things. I felt almost repulsed I suppose by the notion of dh touching me. It felt wrong I suppose. Like I wasn't supposed to be doing anything remotely sexual. I can say these things now, back then I couldn't. I know now that it was normal and it did pass so come at it from quite a positive angle.

Good sleep helped. As did eating properly and getting some exercise and time alone (sounds counter-intuitive but trying to separate myself from the baby helped me feel like a whole person again). What also helped was talking to dh and spending time together laughing and just enjoying each other. The physical side of it was then just a natural progression.

Why not mention it to you gp perhaps? Or a supportive hv? But please don't think you're the only person to ever go through it. Lots of us do. Most of us come out the other side happily.

If you are feeling down most of the time or really struggling then please talk to somebody. Closing yourself off from your partner can be a bit of a defence mechanism if you're feeling vulnerable and there's help out there to stop it spiralling any further. But I know how hard it is to be objective when you're in the middle of it and it might very well be just the hormones and a bit of exhaustion chucked in for good measure.

emilie89 Thu 23-Jun-11 22:42:15

My DS is the same age as yours and I have been feeling exactly the same. As you say it has been causing real problems within my relationship (although there are plenty of other issues!) as DP feels rejected and neglected. I find a combination of being knackered and grumpy, not having time to make myself look presentable most of the time and my DP not really understanding any of this, all contribute to me feeling like you described.
I find I also feel resentful about the lack of support and practical help that my DP offers, which doesn't help either.

Last week my DP and I left my DS with my mum for the 1st time and went out for the day together. We also spent a day out doing something as a family and had a really good time. This really helped the way I've been feeling about DP, so if you can, try to spend sometime alone with your partner or even some time one your own, just to relax.

Hope things improve, it's horrible to be feeling this way.

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