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getting engaged!?

(7 Posts)
bluemoongirly Thu 23-Jun-11 13:29:09

I have been with my DP for five years.
We have always discussed getting married, and its something we are planning on doing in next couple of years.
He is always asking me to marry him....but not a proper proposal...dont know how to explain it...usually just when we are having a cuddle or whatever and i always say yes.
I have looked at rings and quite frankly he cant afford one! We have joint accounts for house, bills etc but have kept our wages separate. This is how it works for us.
Ive explained that i would rather have the 2-3k towards the wedding, as i dont him to feel pressured.
Is this ungrateful and if im not having a ring when do we announce we are getting married? Am i going to have an engagement?

LucretiaInShadows Thu 23-Jun-11 13:44:38

Well, to state the obvious, engagement is the bit between deciding to get married and doing so, so yes, you will have an engagement unless you get married as soon as you properly decide!

You don't have to have a ring, that's up to you, but if you do want one it doesn't have to cost anything like £2-3k. Nobody will ask where it came from or how much it cost, and if they do, they're nosy and rude.

It sounds as though what you need is a conversation and a plan. If you'd like a "proper" proposal, tell him - he can't read your mind and might think he doesn't need to, been as you both expect to get married anyway.

You can tell people as soon as there's something to tell them...

Can you sit down with him tonight, open a bottle maybe, and have a talk? If you've been chatting around the subject for ages, he could have absolutely no idea that this is bothering you.

Good luck! x

smallnotfaraway Thu 23-Jun-11 13:44:43

Hello bluemoongirly! Congratulations on your plans to marry! smile

We were in a sort of similar position - we knew we wanted to get married, had talked about it, there wasn't any kind of proposal at all, just 'let's set a date', and arranging venue/registrar/dress etc. I think the way we announced it was sending out invitations to our wedding!

I know that we couldn't have afforded a ring, and I didn't want one - I'd been married before, and had been propsed to formally before with a ring I'd help choose - it was a bit, well, meh and pointless. Also, my dh had been 'engaged' before and had bought a ring for his ex (me and my now dh were friends at the time, and I was carrying a torch for him, so that put me of the whole 'rings' idea even further).

My advice would be to just get the process in motion, book somewhere and send out 'save the date' cards. If you're really desperate for sparklies, have a wedding band set with diamonds. Then you get two for the price of one. smile

buzzsore Thu 23-Jun-11 13:50:27

You don't have to have an engagement. You're living together so it's not like it'll come as a great surprise to anyone if you get hitched grin. Just pick a date and send out the wedding invitations.

If you wanted an official engagement, then why not look at cheaper rings? You can get nice secondhand antique-types that aren't worth a couple of thousand, but symbolise the commitment.

There's no rules about this stuff, so do whatever suits you as a couple.

bluemoongirly Thu 23-Jun-11 13:53:21

Well im not sure about the proper proposal...his brother took his wife to NYC and she got a tiffany sparkler! Seemed a but silly as his parents had to pay for it!! thats what i DO NOT WANT!!!

But i do think he should make some kind of effort otherwise im getting excited for what feels like nothing!!
And with the ring, i know it doesnt need to cost that much...but i would like a decent one or none. Thats where i start to feel guilty but deep down I dont think he would spend the money if he had it, but i love him and thats all that matters!

buzzsore Thu 23-Jun-11 13:58:41

You do sound a wee bit mercenary. If you can't afford it, you can't afford it, no point having a thousand quid on your finger.

bluemoongirly Thu 23-Jun-11 14:01:57

I think deep down if he put his mind to it he could...we both have decent-ish jobs, the morgage is more then manageable and in actual fact he paid out 4k to have his car fixed last year...i guess its that which i need to get over!!

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