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Moving away and moving on Support Thread

(6 Posts)
piranhamorgana Tue 21-Jun-11 21:36:57

Hope it's ok to start my own support thread.....
I have finally- (original post was January) - had an offer on my house -( the de-cluttered version of the one on my profile pics.!)

So,with luck,we are aiming to move during August.I am off to look for a house tomorrow,in a smallish town which is 20 miles from a Big City .
This will mean :-
- xp,babydd's "dad" will never know where we are.(He has never made contact,and there is a court order ready if he tries)
- We will be in a home and an area with no bad memories
- We will be on a main train line to city life
- There will be job opportunities (I will have to commute an hour each way back here until I check these out ,so it will be harder until I find something)
- We will be able to walk/cycle into town ,where we will be anonymous as we look around shops or visit the > gasp < Arts Centre or Museum
-We will all make new friends - the dc are anxious about changing schools again,but know they have done it before and will survive
-We will de-clutter - I have lost 30k on this sale so far,and will not be able to afford much,so we will be pinched for space,but are trying to see this as an opportunity for a simple life
-The older dc will be able to bus and train and cycle to loads of places
-We will be part of a multi-cultural community again

>>whisper<< I do have a "good friend" not too far from the area we are aiming there is a possibility this may have the chance to develop...

And the biggie ---- We will be almost 3 hours away from my toxic family.Too far for them to "pop in " or to call over for tea.I am almost NC.Since I stopped providing them with any supply and stick to chit chat,they actually avoid me.This evening,dad rang and simply asked to speak to the dc.They all became "too busy",and when I told him this,he said he would ring another day and hung up.Nothing more at all. Weird feeling,but I am determined that this move will mean an almost complete break.
I am not sure how,yet.

And I have no one to help me make important decisions about choosing houses,organising logistics,or just leaning on.
Please can I ask this from you all

piranhamorgana Tue 21-Jun-11 21:59:30

I may sound sorted and confident,but I am feeling overwhelmed by anxiety and fear .
I have been back at work full time for 6 weeks and every week day is a blur of getting myself and 5dc up,washed,dressed ,fed and out before 7.45.Then in ,fed,dog walked,homework,housework,bed after 6pm.

I am totally shattered all the time.I don't have time to think.I feel sorry for myself and lonely,but don't have time to process any of it.
I work in MH.I am giving of myself every waking hour of every day.
I feel as if I carry the world on my shoulders.People say they don't know how I cope.But I have to.
I am not depressed and I teach stress management as part of my job!!!!!!

The move is about getting somewhere safe,away,and being able to review my finances and choices so that maybe I can make changes which will ease things for me.

But the next 6 months will mean a big increase in stress.

And why do I care that my p's have never asked how I am coping,or what is happening in my life.They tell the dc all about every detail of my b's lives and all their lovely times together,and criticize me for not giving any of my time to them.Or ignore me.I need to stop caring about this.

But I feel like a frightened child inside so much of the time.

piranhamorgana Tue 21-Jun-11 22:46:53


piranhamorgana Wed 22-Jun-11 09:19:53

bumping .......again......

SingOut Wed 22-Jun-11 09:48:30

I haven't been in your situation but I do identify with feeling like a frightened child inside. When I left XP just over a year ago, I had a huge amount of stress over moving, finances etc for a good few months. It took a while to adjust to very little stress once I was in place and it finally came as a surprise that I had got used to that level of stress in my life and almost couldn't function without it.
Some days I now actually feel like an adult grin but I know I'm only pretending...
Didn't want your post to go unanswered. It must be so hard without the support of your family, especially when you look around and see how other people are with theirs. It's normal for that to hurt. However, one of the great functions of a family is to shoot ideas off and get some feedback and general support. MN can definitely be that for you during this difficult time, so post away smile
Good luck with the house sale!

piranhamorgana Wed 22-Jun-11 10:16:12

Thank you,SingOut.

Yes general support,feedback and shooting ideas is just what I need.
I started another thread as I wondered if the title of this one was putting people off posting.
I will now link this thread to the other one and hope anyone getting this far here will post on there instead,IYSWIM....

HERE is where to post

Many thanks

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