Name change due to being a style and beauty regular.
I apologise in advance if this is long and rambling but as much as anything, I need to vent:
Been married to DH for 10 years, 2 DC aged 6 and 8. Marriage has had its ups and downs in the past but nothing major and I always thought we were a close family unit. DH has always known how important this was to me due to growing up in a fairly dysfunctional family myself where dad was a drinker and came and went.
3 months ago, I felt that DH changed - he became distant, constantly on his phone, secretive, lost interest in sex. I knew he was having an affair and I knew who with but he kept telling me I was paranoid, jealous, anxious, imagining things etc... I ended up going to GP thinking I was going made and was prescribed ADs.
Last week, I found the second phone that I knew he had - full of text messages between him and OW (she lives in the same town as us and is married with 3 DC). It was clear that they had been meeting regularly for sex, dates and had been using our children to give opportunities to meet. I then checked his email account and found he had further accounts I didn't know about - more evidence of dates and times of meetings and gifts he has bought her.
Confronted him and initially he tried to deny it, saying it was a few flirty texts and nothing more. I also emailed OW and her husband and set out exactly what I knew (still unsure if I should have done this but I was rash and angry). OW said I was a liar but her husband went spare.
DH eventually admitted everything, was crying, kept saying how stupid he had been, couldn't believe what he had done, wanted to stay and work things out. I insisted he left and he has been with his parents for the last week.
This has torn our families apart - our parents are all very upset, DC are heartbroken that daddy is not here and I am in shock and just so so broken. I now question everything I thought was real.
DH is bombarding me with texts and calls - to the point where I sometimes unplug phone. He claims he has made a terrible mistake and just wants a chance to put things right. I guess my heart is saying yes but my head is saying no. My DC are a weakness though and I would be so sad for them to grow up without dad around.
Just wondered if others have similar experience? What did you do? How was it for those who stayed? And what about those who left?
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Relationships
in the words of the song... should I stay or should I go now...
brokenlady · 21/06/2011 21:23
Don't worry about the OW. Leave her to her own sordid life, she is beneath you, not worth your time, thoughts or even your contempt.
You are doing the right thing. Whether you separate or get back together what you need now is space.
Your H needs to knock the pathetic 'oh dear I have been caught out I better act sorry' act and get his arse in gear.
He needs to prove to you that he is serious, your marriage needs pulling apart to find out why he thinks he had the right to do this and why he turned it on you being paranoid etc. He needs to answer all and any questions you have honestly, no brushing it under the carpet and saying it is in the past. Only then can it be rebuilt.
Arrange some counselling for yourself alone and if you feel you want it for you as a couple.
See a solicitor. It doesn't matter what you decide but if you know what you are entitled to you are in a strong position if he starts being a bastard and demanding 50% of the house, 50% of the kids etc.
Go to an STI clinic asap. Sorry 
You will have your weak tearful days but you are being amazingly strong 
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