Name changed as DH knows I use MN. I can't afford counselling which is what I think I really need so I need your advice/ass kicks. I'll try and keep this to the point.
Me and my ex (first love) were together for almost five years, I met him aged 17 he was eleven years older. We fell in love, were very happy and bought a place together when I was 20. I remember thinking on our first night together in our new home that I'd made a mistake. I loved him immensely but felt I wasn't old enough for all this responsibility and believed that I had/was missing out on my twenties. I strongly believed he was the right man at the wrong time. Ex at the time was a big binge drinker and most weekends would be out with his mates watching his rugby team. This did wear me down at times and it became an issue and I left him eighteen months after we moved in together. We remained friends, I bought my own place and set about shamelessly enjoying my twenties iykwim. NOT proud of myself. He looked out for me the whole time even when my "enjoyment" caused him pain.
I met my now DH two and a half years after we split. He turned out to be a friend of my ex (they had a mutual friend) but neither ex or I knew DH when ex and I were together. Still with me?! DH was the first guy that treated me right after a string of shitbags. Things progressed very quickly and he proposed after 3 months though we didn't marry for another two years. I knew as I was walking up the aisle that I shouldn't be marrying him. I love him and went on to have two DC with him but I know deep down I have settled. I'm crying as I type this as its the first time I've admitted it to myself let alone anyone else.
My ex has also married. I believe he too has settled. His wedding day was the singlemost depressing day of my life. We are still in touch via text just to say happy birthday/xmas etc but quite often he will text me late at night to ask me how I am. For the most part I ignore these messages and put it down to his dutch courage. He still drinks but not to the extent he did with me. It saddens me that he wouldn't do this for me. I wish I could delete his number and forget him and focus on my relationship with DH which I fear is in trouble for other reasons (DH has a temper, no patience, is moody/grumpy a lot of the time - very draining) but he is still socialises with my parents and my DB and his GF and to top it off he and is DW live in the house we bought in the next cul-de-sac! All a bit too close to home (literally).
How can I move on? I think my issues with DH might be muddying the waters. There is a lot more to this but I've tried to be brief. I have this stupid, stupid fantasy that we will end up together one day. I NEED to get over this. What do I do, I left him ten years ago?
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Help me get over my Ex - it's been 10 years ffs!
4 replies
FakingBliss · 21/06/2011 17:15
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