Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.


(30 Posts)
TDada Mon 20-Jun-11 22:25:32

1)Stay in the UK, both parents continue to work hard, giving 3 kids excellent education (private) and lots of opportunity but parents are always whacked and not much time for parents to have fun

2)Mom gives up work and looks after the kids, dad works overseas (Moscow) earning quite a nice package so education, expensive holidays, etc not an issue. Dad will be away 75pc of the time. Mom can now become gym lady, pampering herself and pursue real interests as opposed to corporate grind.

3)Entire family moves to Moscow on very generous expat package with accommodation and education paid for etc., disrupting the children's UK education which is going very well.

Which one do you think?

thisisyesterday Mon 20-Jun-11 22:27:18

how old are the children? how long would moscow be for?

TDada Mon 20-Jun-11 22:28:51

12, 8, 6. Probably 2 years in Moscow to put away nice savings for the future

BooyHoo Mon 20-Jun-11 22:28:58

keep the family together IMO

i have lived the navy widow life and it wasn't good. to my children, seeing their dad is a novelty. like a favourite uncle coming to stay. nice for them to get excited about seeing him but hard for us. i became resntful of being the one who did everything, right down to booking dentist appointments and knowing when X paraphenalia had to be into school. when i chose to have children i chose that with a partner. i didnt want to do it alone.

ineedabodytransplant Mon 20-Jun-11 22:32:02

def option 3. you stay as a family unit, kids see Russia and the experience will set them up for life

thisisyesterday Mon 20-Jun-11 22:33:52

in thjat case, all go to Moscow. will be great!

thisisyesterday Mon 20-Jun-11 22:34:04

what do the children think?>

FabbyChic Mon 20-Jun-11 22:34:12

I disagree with moving the 12 year old, who will come back and have to do GCSE's, if the 12 year old was 10 I'd say do it, but not at the expense of his education. Sorry too much to risk.

If you want your children to go to University which most parents do nowadays, I'd say stay here and let your 12 year old have a proper English education.

TDada Mon 20-Jun-11 22:43:29

Mom doesn't favour Moscow....12 year old doing really well at an excellent school and enjoying his extra cir activities

TDada Mon 20-Jun-11 22:45:37

children not consulted and one would need to be careful about giving them that responsibility and making their education costs sound like a it is a burden as it isn't...just that DPs work so hard

TDada Mon 20-Jun-11 22:46:13

other probablem is that Dad is very involved in DCs care so they might miss him

Janaina Tue 21-Jun-11 07:28:43

Hi OP. I would say you all move to Russia. I have a lot of experience in that area - my husband is a management consultant and travels overseas every week, from Monday t Friday. It wasn't so bad when we didn't have kids and I worked, but after my twins were born, I had to leave my job (we live in South Africa but whole family is in Brazil) and as someone said here, I was (am) resentful that I'm responsible for everything here - including booking my husbands hairdresser appointment. It's coming to a point where I desperately want g to go back to work and want DH to participate more in the boys lives - and mine, btw. Spoo, we will all move to a new destination in about 2 months time.
If your husband will have a good package, you will be able to afford to put your oldest child in the American or British school, that way I don't think his education will be disrupted. Living abroad is a wonderful experience, your children will love it to bits.
Good luck!

thisisyesterday Tue 21-Jun-11 15:56:30

2 years out from 12-14 is not going to jeopardise his education. there is no reason to think that he won't get an excellent education in Moscow, and he will be back in plenty of time for GCSE preparation.

cupcake78 Tue 21-Jun-11 16:05:07

I think the move to Russia for 2 years sounds amazing! Keep family together, children get to see Russia, with all its history, art, culture and language. Maybe you could get extra tuition for your children if you needed to. What an adventure for them and for you!

Life is too short to miss out on something so unique!

stubbornhubby Tue 21-Jun-11 16:20:16

Best - 3
Next Best - 2
Worst - 1

families live together, if they possibly can.
Moscow will be loads of fun, there are international schools there for them, and lots of expats to help you settle in, and a real experience.
also commuting to/from Moscow is terrible (I have done it) it basically takes a day to get there and most of the day to get back, so dad coming home for weekend may mean a very very short time, and him totally knackered.

dollius Tue 21-Jun-11 16:46:39

All move to Russia and use the international schools there

bran Tue 21-Jun-11 17:00:33

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

QueenKate Tue 21-Jun-11 17:18:27

I have some experience as an expat and have loved it. We were offered Russia but despite the generous package, which involved tripling dh's salary, we turned it down.

International schools can be fabulous, most children adapt well and it can be an enriching experience for the right place. My dh is there regularly on business (I have never been) and has refused to move there as he doesn't feel it is a safe environment to raise our family. Others might be more adventurous than us ;-)
Him commuting (Mon-Fri in Russia) we also vetoed as we want to keep our family together, the dcs and I would miss him too much. However there are several families who do this and make it work.

If you're fed up with the daily grind it can be a wonderful change and I will never regret our expat adventures, but you need to make sure it is the right place for you. Any company worth their salt will offer you an imaginatively named, LookSee visit, no strings, so you can decide having seen the country/area if you could live there. I'd take the visit and see for yourself, any decision that you make should be as informed as possible.

Good luck!

TDada Tue 21-Jun-11 22:20:08

Sorry I have been away. thanks all for the advice....yes, Co is happy to offer LookSee visit. Last few months Mom has been pissed off with work but I think that she needs work to feel fulfilled...she is clever than Dad and was brought up with high career expectations and struggles with the fact that she has already compromised career for child care.

I think that there is a fourth option which is scale down one parent's career and live a simpler life, ...make do a bit more IYWIM.

This is a tough decision and I am very grateful for comments/thoughts.

thisisyesterday Tue 21-Jun-11 22:24:34

would mum not be able to do anything in Russia? studying? anything career-wise?

TDada Wed 22-Jun-11 06:57:46

good point. mom is good at languages so could learn Russian. Alternatively she could do some her profession on consultancy basis when she picks and choses.

Lizzabadger Wed 22-Jun-11 07:03:09

How about option 4: Mum continues working but moves jobs to one she likes. Dad gives up work and looks after the kids.

Why should the father's (your) career take priority?

TDada Wed 22-Jun-11 09:44:32

Lizzabadger- Dad keeps sticking his hand up for option 4 but since mom's career suffered due to child bearing breaks Dad is further up corporate ladder and earns significantly more...would take a while for mom to catch up and she is not sure about that strategy

Lizzabadger Wed 22-Jun-11 18:53:01

If mom has already taken the hit of career breaks I think it is now only fair for Dad to return the favour now while she catches up, even if it means a temporary drop in the family income. Equality of opportunity is an important principle to uphold and model to the children and is worth some short-term economies, IMHO. Horses for courses, though and I wish them the best with their decision!

TDada Wed 22-Jun-11 22:18:35

Easy to say as Mom wouldn't want to take kids out of their schools or downsize or anything like that. Dad would really enjoy being a gym bunny and doing the school would also try to do something entrepreneurial....this has been offered up to mom

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now