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To be really disappointed in DP?

(8 Posts)
LoveMyOscar Mon 20-Jun-11 21:30:29

DP has 4 boys from a previous marriage, 13, 18, 20 and 21. They all live with him. At first, things were rocky between the boys accepting me as DP's new partner, but just lately things have been great. My boys and his boys get on and we see each other and do fun family things together when we can.

The 18 year old, let's call him Jake, has just had 2 years out doing nothing with his time. No college, no work. He has had to rely on DP to give him money. He has now decided he wants to go to college in Sept which his granny and grandad has agreed to fund. That's good and i'm pleased he's finally going up in the world because he has great abilities. However, Jake has told DP that he will have to have money to get his equipment and new clothes etc for college, so DP gave Jake £250 to put in a bank account ready for college and stressed it is only to be used for college things. DP gets around £200 per months wage so really struggles with the bills and to give his boys nice things.

On Saturday, I was at DP's house, and Jake came in with a new phone (iphone, I think). It turns out that Jake used the money for college to buy this new bloody phone. Now Jake is saying the shop won't take the phone back as it's been used and has been mithering DP for 'another £40' to get some specialised clothes and boots for college as they're essential items for his course. His granny told Jake that he could earn the £40 needed for college on his grandads market stall at weekend, but he refused saying he already had plans to see friends. After I had gone home on Saturday DP had given Jake the £40. Now, usually it's their affairs, their business, but DP had promised my boys and his 13 yr old that we were going the the seaside and have dinner there next week and that's what the £40 had been put aside for. He really worked them up with excitement and was showing them pics on the internet of the beach and telling them what we're going to do. Now I have some very dissapointed children and i'm pissed off that DP gave in to Jake, has created a spoilt brat out of him and had pretty much left me to have to let the children down about our fun day out. Luckily for me, DP's dad has offered to pay for our fun day out and has given us a little extra to go to the theme park. Hooray for DP's dad, I can get the children excited again!

LoveMyOscar Mon 20-Jun-11 21:32:11

Sorry, it should be £200 per week wage, not month!!!

FabbyChic Mon 20-Jun-11 21:53:10

Your partner is stupid, he is enabling his son to be a ponce. If he does not instill some resposibility in the boy he will never make anything of his life, I'd have told him to sell the phone to get the £40.

I'd get rid of this man because his kids walk all over him.

LoveMyOscar Mon 20-Jun-11 22:04:47

Thanks for your reply, FC. He does let the kids walk over him and they're only nice when they want something, apart from the 13 year old who is still lovely and unassuming. Typical teenagers maybe? I'm walking on the very edge with the man at the mo, because it's this, the sex isn't overly good and because of our children, we rarely get to spend proper time together infront of the tv at night, which I don't mind because my childrens needs come first and they need their own beds and their own routine at night, but it's only a matter of months into the relationship and i've questioned so many things already. Only thing is he is good with my children, they would miss him, and I adore his 13 yr old.

FabbyChic Mon 20-Jun-11 22:07:16

If he wants his children to grow up to be somebody other than a nobody they have to do that themselves by learning.

THe kid should never have been allowed to do nothing for two years, thats plain lazy. THe kid thinks he can do what he wants and get away with it, if the father does not change his attitude towards him the kid will end up a waster and a loser.

Id have made him sell the iphone.

omaoma Mon 20-Jun-11 22:09:55

tbh i think selfish and inconsiderate is just about the definition of a teenager... but you don't want to give them an excuse. i was pretty bloody selfish at 18 but i think i would have got the hint when i was offered the chance to earn some of the money. does sound like dad is making things worse with giving in.
what to say tho - what parent isn't a fool for their own kids? especially when their mum isnt' around for whatever reason. if it's only a matter of months in, you don't really get to have a say in all this do you?

bubaluchy Mon 20-Jun-11 22:11:42

Why does he need money for college, it is free if its your first A level standard course and if you're from a low wage house hold you get bursaries.
Sounds like Jake needs a taste of the real world.

pickgo Mon 20-Jun-11 22:15:36

Watch out OP, sounds like a lot of ishoos stacking up with this new BF.

If I were you I'd keep seeing them, but get no more involved than you already are. (Do feel a bit sorry for your BF tho... 4 boys as a lp is one hell of a lot of work for anyone... think you're brave getting in there at all tbh!)

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