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am i ugly?? - its a long 1!

(15 Posts)
tinker316 Mon 20-Jun-11 21:12:35

Hey girls!

I have read over the past few weeks how unhappy alot of us are-but it has given me comfort that WE R NOT ALONE. I always thought of myself as a strong individual , but the last year has turned me in2 a shell of the person i once was. I met my DP over 2 years ago, not the best of circumstances- i was (and still am) married, he was living with his then GF. I never thought it would come of anything, but 2 put it in a short story, i left my husband & he left his GF 2 months after we met.

Everything was great- then i found out 5 months in2 r relationship i was pregnant shock which was very ironic , as my husband & I tried 4 a few years with no joy sad , we decided 2 have r baby- but thats when all the problems started.

Constant fighting over petty things , he went on a lads holiday snowboarding when i was 7mths preg- but he did ask me if i fancied 2 go hmm then he broke up with me after , i was placed in council emergency housing-then 2 top it all there were problems with r baby not growing properly & poor heart beat sad i did not enjoy being pregnant at all!!

But me & my DP resolved r problems & got back 2gether just b4 r DD was born by EC 6wks early-she was only 3lbs 4 & stayed in scbu 4bout 4/5wks.

She is doing great now-just coming up 2 13months grin
But my DP just makes me feel ssooo low about myself-says im lazy , don`t make an effort, unhygenic, waste of space , a slob & that im fat!!
I was just under 8 stone when i met him , I am now 10stone.
He says i eat 2 much & that my weight puts him off me-as he hardly ever comes near me.
I have been on some medication 4 PND but his comments just put me back-i feel so ugly + worthless.
All I wanted was us 2b a happy family & 2b loved , I am just comparing myself 2 other girls & it upsets me as I have such a complex about how i must appear 2 other people!!
What 2 do??!!!

ineedabodytransplant Mon 20-Jun-11 21:21:51

I can't see how someone is suddenly ugly by putting on a bit of weight. If you were ugly why did he choose you to begin with. (Choose is probably the wrong word to use but you know what I mean). You have had a baby, does he expect you to suddenly get back to your pre-pregnancy weight overnight? If you have PND he is hardly sympathetic is he? Is he some sort of Adonis then?

When I got married I weighed 8.5 stone ringing wet. Within a year I ballooned to 13 stoneshock, purely because I was eating properly(my mum never fed us properly I know now)

That was 35 years ago but I now weigh under 12 stone and feel just right.

(and sorry to be an old fart but can you use normal writing? All this text speak makes it hard to read your posts. May put off someone answering)

SamsGoldilocks Mon 20-Jun-11 21:22:15

He doesn't sound a very positive or caring man. His attitude is very unhelpful and it's no wonder that he makes you feel ugly and unattractive.

Really pleased to hear your daughter is making good progress = look at the positives in your life and do things that make you feel good. Invest positive attitudes into the things you do and compliment yourself in how well you've done them. This will help you to regain your self esteem and see how unpleasant he's being.

Good luck

ManicPanic Mon 20-Jun-11 22:37:34

I was a rather underweight size 6 when I met dh. After having dd I was a rather overweight size 18. I ate far too much. My dh never, ever said anything negative about my weight, he never made me feel 'disgusting' just because I had put on weight. His only problem with it was that it made me unhappy. Gradually, as dd got older, I went back to a healthier weight (more time to shop, cook and exercise!)

I can't be bloody arsed with men that make you feel like crap. Is he buff, lean and made of solid muscle? Does he spend his time worrying about the size of his arse, worrying about about you looking at other blokes, trying out different make-up techniques and waxing his intimate parts? No? Bugger him then.

<gavel>

FabbyChic Mon 20-Jun-11 22:40:27

Get away from this man, you are not fat 10 stone is not fat, he is a nasty evil twisted individual and you are worth ten of him.

He has his own insecurities and does not want you to leave him so acts this way making you think he is your only option.

Get away honey be happy alone.

buzzsore Mon 20-Jun-11 22:44:04

What a lovely guy, he verbally abuses his depressed partner and treats her like dirt.

He needs showing the door.

mamas12 Mon 20-Jun-11 22:46:44

You need some support not this abuse because that is what this is lovely.
Contact womens aid and you will get some great support and advice from them

lazarusb Tue 21-Jun-11 14:50:29

Sounds like his GF had a lucky escape. He is abusing you, walk away.

Zanette Tue 21-Jun-11 16:19:29

He sounds really unpleasant!

10 stone by anyone's standards is not overweight! You were probably slightly underweight before.

Be strong & tell him in no uncertain terms to man up, & shape up or ship out!

jenrendo Tue 21-Jun-11 16:23:15

Man, I wish I was 10 stone. Get rid of him. He is doing nothing to support you at all.

Ephiny Tue 21-Jun-11 16:33:01

He sounds absolutely awful. It's unlikely you are very fat at 10st, and even if you have gone a little bit over your ideal weight - well, that's hardly unusual especially when you've recently had a baby and suffered from depression.

He should be supporting you, cherishing you and helping build up your confidence - you're his partner and the mother of his child ffs, doesn't that mean anything to him? - but if you don't think he's capable of doing that, then you're probably better off without.

nickelbabe Tue 21-Jun-11 16:40:32

10 stone would be fat if you were very very very short.

You are not fat, and you are not ugly.

He is being a total arse.
He either needs to take a serious look at himself and his treatment of you, or let you leave him.

You have gone through a heck of a time with getting your DD to this level (and she's gorgeous, judging by your profile) - you deserve nothing but love, respect and tlc.

luvviemum Tue 21-Jun-11 19:28:18

Bloody hell, ten stone is my goal weight - I'll be thrilled when (if) I reach it!!

You sound lovely and your so called partner is emotionally abusing you. Give women's aid a call. He sounds like an absolute moron who doesn't deserve you. Be strong xxx

stripeywoollenhat Tue 21-Jun-11 19:35:18

no. the man that you are living with is a bit of a cock, though.

OneHelluvaBroad Tue 21-Jun-11 19:38:46

His behaviour sounds cruel.

Are you sure you want to be with this man? it sounds like he has done nothing but let you down and belittle you.

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