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DP and 'negativity'

(14 Posts)
Rosemallow Mon 20-Jun-11 21:04:06

DP has a massive issue with 'negativity'. He can't handle it when I or anyone else says/does anything he perceives as 'negative' as it really upsets him or annoys him or he thinks that he is being blamed for whatever has happened.
I have explained to him that just because I've expressed negativity about something 1. It doesn't mean I'm blaming him 2. I am perfectly entitled to express how I feel about something.

I'm not really explaining myself well here. I'll give some examples.

He accidentally drops something on my foot and I exclaim something like 'ouch!' or swear - he immediately jumps in with 'it wasn't my fault'. I then say, 'I know this, I was just reacting to the pain'. He makes out like my reaction was totally unnecessary.
A more extreme example is this: we had a terrible journey somewhere this weekend and when we were walking the final leg I was jokey moaning about it, sort of taking the mickey out of he situation we'd found ourselves in, to get it out of my system before we arrived at friend's house (I explained that I needed to do this).
He got really annoyed and then miserable, saying I was ruining the day because I was being so negative and when we arrived he was in a foul mood (even though I stopped it because of his response)

I'm struggling with this because it's like I am NEVER allowed to express anything other than joy and happiness, which is just not normal!

Can anyone give me any insight into why he might be like this and what I can do to stop it being an issue?
(I'd like to point out now that I am generally a happy non-moany person and I'm definitely not a drama queen!)

Sorry it's so long!

ineedabodytransplant Mon 20-Jun-11 21:08:58

my stbxw is/was similarly wierd. She always had to have someone to blame for things. If I accidently stood on her foot she would swear, scream and generally whing for hours. Would never accept things were accidents.

Doesn't really answer your question but makes your OH look 'almost' normalsmile

ineedabodytransplant Mon 20-Jun-11 21:09:11


ineedabodytransplant Mon 20-Jun-11 21:10:07

weird not wierd
whinge not whing

typing on my Ipad, bllody keyboard is big enough and I still amange to mess upblush

ineedabodytransplant Mon 20-Jun-11 21:10:34

see bloody not bllody..sigh

ineedabodytransplant Mon 20-Jun-11 21:11:02

oh for god's sake!!!!!!!

amage? manage

amIbeingdaft Mon 20-Jun-11 21:11:27

Control freak. Run for your life.

Pictish Mon 20-Jun-11 21:11:29

Can I ask....does he feel at liberty to express negativity?
Is it only you that isn't allowed to?

ineedabodytransplant Mon 20-Jun-11 21:13:13

nope not there yet and I am not drinking, honest guv.

weird not wierd
whinge not whing
bloody not bllody
manage not amage or amange

this thread is going to be several pages and all because I haven't got my spelling head on.

Rosemallow Mon 20-Jun-11 21:18:09

He applies the same rule to himself (at least he is consistent!)
He won't say anything negative, rarely moans about anything and tends to try and avoid conflict (although causes it by not resolving things and not discussing 'negative' things! Aaargh!)

You think he's a control freak? I get the feeling that he is just really scared of conflict, but I might be wrong.

Ineedabodytransplant - I knew you must be on an iPad - everytime I type 'think' I mess it up and it writes 'hunk' grin among other odd autocorrects!

ineedabodytransplant Mon 20-Jun-11 21:25:17

rosemallow, don't you think that you type hunk because that is what you are thinking about?grin

but using that idea means I am thinking about.........oh bugger

Rosemallow Mon 20-Jun-11 21:30:48

grin if it weren't a thread about DP I might agree with you, ineeda. . . Unfortunately he is not really a 'hunk', not even on a subconscious level!

AmberLeaf Mon 20-Jun-11 21:52:26

What's his family background? did his parents argue or have huge strops a lot?

Rosemallow Mon 20-Jun-11 21:59:03

Yeah, his dad was abusive to his mum and she left him when DP was about 10 I think. His mum suffers from anxiety and other issues too.

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