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Don't know what to do...

(31 Posts)
MetalSian Sun 19-Jun-11 19:36:30

My DP just left =/.
Don't know what I am supposed to do =[.
Crying just seems about right at the moment.

cookcleanerchaufferetc Sun 19-Jun-11 19:44:51

Did he give a reason? Is it a total surprise, ie. Have you had problems? Do you have children? Feeling very sorry for you ... Have you got a friend you can call?

ThatsNotMyPerfume Sun 19-Jun-11 19:46:45

sorry to hear that Metal - can you tell us any more?

thenewf Sun 19-Jun-11 19:48:32

Hugs Metal .It is Ok to feel pain and crying ios fine. have you got some one who can be with you.

MigratingCoconuts Sun 19-Jun-11 19:52:40

sad feeling for you...You are in the right place here.

MetalSian Sun 19-Jun-11 19:53:22

Wish I had changed my name now =/.
Only gonna make things ten times worse if he looks on here to see me posting about him.

Yeah we have a 2 year old son.
And not necessarily problems I would say.
He is tired today and grumpy. So after talking about the car I said someone had told me something. To which he replied I was lying.
I went a bit nuts considering the whole time we have been together he is the one who constantly lies yet he still had the guts to turn round and say I was.

Then he just said I can't put up with you or DS, I'm moving out.
Gathers his stuff and fucks off =/.

Tbh I didn't even try to stop him.
Don't know if I should but I was just concentrating on not crying until he had left.

I asked him if he was going to bother seeing our son considering he took his car seat out the car. To which he wouldn't reply for ages, then finally said I will think about it =/. I mean come on. WTF!!!!!!

Not to mention I should already have been worried about this as he has another child from a previous relationship who he has never even met =/.

So anyway I can change my name on these posts hey? xD.

Binfullofmaggotsonthe45 Sun 19-Jun-11 19:54:34

So sorry to hear, has this been on the cards, or a total shock. Do you have friends or family to come round? Will it help to talk about it on here?

cookcleanerchaufferetc Sun 19-Jun-11 19:57:22

Sounds like whilst you are in shock it is not a total surprise and you aren't actually, without wanting to understate your feelings, that fussed he has gone. You say he constantly lies yet gets defensive and has a go at you. His attitude re your DS is poor. Don't worry, think about what you wAnt from the future. Do you want him back? Not what is best for your DS but what is best for you as you are the one who is going to be the primary Carer for your DS. Have a think and perhaps get him to call round to discuss where you go from here and have some time out. Be strong.

Mamaz0n Sun 19-Jun-11 20:01:09

why would he think you were lying over something relating to a car? confused

I think you should just try not to think too much about the future. Concentrate on the here and now.
It is quite possible that after a while on his own to calm down he will realise how silly he has been and come back.

Do you think that is something you would want?

MetalSian Sun 19-Jun-11 20:07:53

We have a fast car, which runs on either low or high boost.
When we bought it the man we got it off of said that it was economical when running on low boost, which I said to him earlier.
Apparently I was lying and it was more economical on high boost even though it drinks fuel like there is no tomorrow.
Ridiculous? Yeah I think so.

I love him. So I can't say I don't want him here.
We have gone through alot to get where we are now.

I just don't know =/.
One minute I can be all strong thinking I can cope, next minute breaking down into tears again.

HerHissyness Sun 19-Jun-11 20:11:36

There is more to this, surely?

If he really is this bad, tbh, it won't be long until you see that life without his drama is better.

MetalSian Sun 19-Jun-11 20:18:53

Well after he told I was lying I told him to drop me and DS off and go back to his GP's house where we had just been.
As I wouldn't be accused of lying to him when I have had to put up with so much off it =/.

So yeah I guess it is my fault.

HerHissyness Sun 19-Jun-11 20:50:14

I think you need him to stay away for a while, let him go as it were. It MAY shock him into thinking what an idiot he is.

How is everything else, why is your self esteem so low? why do you think his ridiculously irrational outburst and flouncing off in a huff was YOUR fault?

Doesn't look like that from here....

I'm no rocket scientist, but Fast Car + High BOOST = increased fuel consumption... Call me crazy....

HerHissyness Sun 19-Jun-11 20:50:50

what ELSE do you have to put up with? I hear alarm bells ringing Metal....

MetalSian Sun 19-Jun-11 21:02:02

Alot of other thing I suppose =/.
More than other people would probably put up with.
But I love him and when he is lovely he is great.
Just at others times not so great =/.

He has had depression and stuff though so not all of it is his fault.

clam Sun 19-Jun-11 21:18:35

Don't like the sound of this, metal!
But you're in the right place.
If you're wary he might find the thread, get MNHQ to delete it and repost under a different name?

HerHissyness Sun 19-Jun-11 21:27:00


I've just left a 10 year relationship with someone who tried to destroy me mentally, physically and socially....

How much more is there to put up with? grin Can we help? We can take it if you want to tell us.

Has he been abusing you?

If he has gone Metal, and you FEAR any reaction from him, make sure you KEEP him gone.

If you are worried about discovery of this info, toddle off and change your names and track us down on the Support for Emotional abuse thread. We all of us have had and are still having to 'put up with more than other people would put up with' so nothing you say will scare us off, we will listen and we will understand and offer help, assistance and guidance to you. Whatever you need love, remember MN is 24 hours and we have wonderful posters that will always listen. Even if they don't know what to say, they can still hold your hand.

Lean on us, we can take it!


HerHissyness Sun 19-Jun-11 21:27:52

It's never their fault, Metal, btw.... hmm


MetalSian Sun 19-Jun-11 21:53:53

He has never hit me or hurt me physically at all.
Only once since we have been together I have even been worried he might.

I don't know.
I'm sure you don't want my life story but there are many things he has done I think are unacceptable but still I feel lost without him =/.

He has taken money from me repeatedly without asking.
For example, increasing my bank overdraft from £250 to £750 and taking out £600 to pay for a car deposit that he had to borrow the money to pay for.
After lying how much the car cost in the first place by half its actual price.
Yes this is the same bloody car, that he still owes his uncle about £2500 for.

For the three years we have been together he has worked for probably out 5 months all added up. Leaves jobs for various reasons then sits at a computer all day instead. =/
I only work one day a week but look after DS the rest of the week.

Lying just seems to be first choice for him, even if I know he is doing it.
And I thought he had stopped it but for him to accuse me just made me furious.

And my poor DS who just woke up from a nap, (I know its late but he had a milk and went back to sleep), who won't understand why his dad has disappeared. Crying because I have probably made his dad not want anything to do with him =/.

MetalSian Mon 20-Jun-11 08:48:20

So bad nights sleep.
Things don't seem much better this morning =/.

HerHissyness Mon 20-Jun-11 09:17:13

Honey, you will be better off without this cocklodger, seriously. You can now get more help from the Govt and you don't need this idiot taking up space in your life, draining your money.

So he's not working, has a fast car, sets it on high burn.... How does your family manage FGS? He's actually sabotaging your lives, not adding to them.

What IS there to love?, you are loving the idea of love, not the actual person.

HerHissyness Mon 20-Jun-11 09:20:38

If this dickhead wants nothing to so with his son, then it just reinforces what a total nobber he is. remember that?

You didn't make him do any of this, you've actually held him up for the last 3 years, support he never deserved.

It'll feel better soon, get some advice on additional benefits as a single mother, see how life will be without his stupid behaviour towards you and your DS, and draw up a list of what is good about having this twonk in your life and what is good about life without him.

Be honest, be real, and you will see what you should do next.

AnyFucker Mon 20-Jun-11 09:21:19

what hissy said

you would actually be better off without this waste of space

he isn't enhancing your life in any way

stay dumped and watch him pick some other lovestruck woman to fleece

don't let it be you any longer

MetalSian Mon 20-Jun-11 09:57:58

Thanks for the support.
I feel like I need it today.

Luckily I have my DS who is giving me strength.
Now just need to tell my parents

And Hissy I think we managed just because we did, I can't explain how other than muddling along and having helpful parents.

I am now worried what to do if he decides he wants to come back.
I don't know if he has left us, or just moved out for some space as I haven't actually spoken to him since, other than him sending a message saying 'I'm fine' on facebook.

I just feel like I have failed spectacularly, falling into the group of single young mums that I'm probably unreasonably judgmental about =/.

HerHissyness Mon 20-Jun-11 10:40:16

OK, this is the time for YOU to be strong, and for YOU to demand more for your life and your DS.

YOU make the decision that he is GONE, that HE doesn't get to call the shots in your life when he not only contributes so little to it, he actually drains the very soul out of it.

How could being single be any worse than being with a waste of space like him? seriously? How could you genuinely introduce this bloke to anyone you value with any pride at all?

When the question What does he do comes up, The Answer? as little as possible, but spends money like water, steals money, lies and sits on his arse all day?

HE has failed YOU. He chooses not to provide for you, and worse to make life harder by lying and stealing money from you. Your parents kindly saving your blushes, but they are enabling his shitty behaviour. Really it'd be kinder for them to read him the riot act.

You are standing at the cross roads in your life - one path leads on from the path you have been on, all down hill, deeper and deeper into the valley, the other leads away from all this, uphill, harder to walk to begin with, but when you get a far way along, the view is amazing.

He can choose to walk with you, but he has to realise that he has to put in a lot of leg work, or you will keep going without him. The path that man is on, offers ZERO hope, ZERO improvement, only further disappointment and sadness.

Without him your life actually has hope and prospects. With him, not so much.

Can you see that? Cos it's glaringly obvious from here.

If your parents are so helpful, then they will continue to help you, perhaps more so. Have you spoken to them about this?

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