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What does my mother want from me?

(7 Posts)
faintpositive Sun 19-Jun-11 15:13:33

I feel like she is putting me in a very difficult position, but not sure if she is just sounding off.

She complains to me about my 7 year old neices behaviour. Apparently she is impossible, argumentative, swears,absolutely does not do anything that she is aksed or told, does her own thing completely. Will not go to sleep until after 11pm every single night, she just runs off and refuses to walk with my mum near busy roads, she runs off up the road and my mum doesnt know where she is!

She is on behavoural charts at school, and my mum is always called in about her.
My mother btw has my niece 5 nights(overnight) a week, takes her to school, picks her up from school every day as my sister works nights, she is a single parent.
My mother also takes my nephew to school every day. Even thoguht hey are at different schools.

I try to ease the burden on my mum a bit and i have my neice round to mine, i never have any trouble with her, she is good as gold for me.

My mum tells me all of this and i NEVER comment becuase she says the same things to my other sister who goes mental about it.

Between me and you,i think that my mum is struggling with this level of caring for my neice as she isnt well, but cant say anything to my sister as she is working so hard. My mum says that my neice is the same with her mother, who does nothing about it.
Its very awkward.

ContraryMartha Sun 19-Jun-11 15:28:20

I guess you can only do what you can.
Could you ask your mum what she needs?

It doesn't sound like the situation is good for anyone tbh, especially for your niece...

WriterofDreams Sun 19-Jun-11 15:51:14

I agree with Martha, you need to ask her directly what she wants. It sounds like she's very overwhelmed and can't cope and is using you to sound off which is understandable really. It sounds like you're trying to help as best you can but I think really there's very little you can do unless your sister (niece's mum) calls you in to help solve the behaviour issues. Could you give your mum some advice on changing your niece's behaviour?

FabbyChic Sun 19-Jun-11 16:16:52

The child feels rejected by her mother and is playing up because of it.

No child should spend that much time at their grand mothers, your mother is of an age now where she should be free to do what she wants not hindered by looking after grandchildren. Your sister should get a job whereby she has the main care of the children not your mother.

Help your mother not slag her off.

faintpositive Sun 19-Jun-11 17:20:55

But how fabby?
Do you mean i should help and not slag my mum off, or i should help my mum not slag my neice off??
I dont think i am slagging my mum off......have you read my post right??

My mum will not accept any advice about bringing kids up, so i wouldnt even go there with that, it would probably lead to her getting very angry tbh.

Its very difficult, i see my mums pov completely, but also see my sisters pov as she works very hard. She is changing her working pattern soon, so i think that this will improve things somewhat.
The behaviour thing, imo is my sisters buisiness, her child, her rules, but my mum feels so helpless, but at the same time, doesnt follow anything through with her. My mumadores dn, absolutely adores her, but struggles.

notsogoldenoldie Sun 19-Jun-11 17:27:27

I agree with fabby. Poor woman - no wonder she's sounding off! Personally, I think your sister should take a far more proactive role in raising her children and perhaps needs to prioritise her own time better if her daughter's behaviour is that bad. This situation is not fair on your mum or on your niece, who probably doesn't know whether she's coming or going.

WriterofDreams Sun 19-Jun-11 18:12:11

If your mother won't accept any advice then I think you need to stay well out of it. Let her moan at you, maybe that will help a bit, but other than that there doesn't seem to be much you can do. Maybe all your mother needs is someone to whinge at.

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