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Need help with marriage and possible post natal depression

(4 Posts)
Bump02 Sun 19-Jun-11 13:34:52

Can anyone help? I think I might have hit an all time low in my life!! Things have been bad for a while (we have hit rocky patches before) but things just seem impossible now!

I have two children, 1 is 10yrs old and the is only 18 months old! We got married last July and have together 9 years (on and off). I started to feel low after the wedding and when I returned back to work (my work is stressful and one member of staff has been horrible to me making my life unbearable). I decided to get some counselling and my husband came with me. We only went for a few sessions, things got a bit better but now things are just awful. I'm crying all the time, in so angry with how my husband just ignores me when I'm low or turns to a pint instead of turning to me when I need him! My counsellor thinks I might have delayed post natal depression.
I am starting to think he is right, but today is breaking point in my house and husband says he has had enough and is going leave for a few days! I'm sobbing writing this...he just won't help me!

I don't know what to do!! I'm not shouting I'm just asking him to not go and to come my way instead but he says no!!

Going to see doctor this week, think I need help!! Just wish the man I should rely on would help me!!

Thanks for hearing me out xx

FabbyChic Sun 19-Jun-11 13:44:47

Sounds like you are clearly depressed, some people not just me never understand depression, maybe he feels useless because he cannot help you, and to be honest no matter what he done you wouldn't feel any better. You need to start with yourself, get yourself back to normal as it were so you can deal with the problems you have with a level head.

BeeBread Sun 19-Jun-11 14:02:02

I'm sorry that you are at such a low ebb, Bump. It sounds to me too as though you are depressed.

If that's the case, your DH can't help you - it is a medical condition beyond his power.

My DH suffered with a bad depressive episode a year or so ago, and it was so hard for both of us. Absolutely exhausting. As the partner of a depressive, I found that I could (and did) give hour after hour after hour of time for talking, counseling, comforting and it made no difference whatsoever to him. He was still depressed.

Don't get me wrong, I understood that it was the illness, and that however miserable I was with the situation, he was suffering 10-fold. But it was interminable and I often reached the end of my tether, and felt that it completely ruined the quality of our life together and that there was no room for me. I considered making a more drastic move - eg leaving him to get on with it for a few days - because I felt like I was propping him up and that he was relying solely on me for support, rather than seeking out other solutions such as therapy or medication.

If your life has been like this for almost a year, your DH could be utterly exhausted. I know that it isn't easy for you to see past your own misery when you are depressed but your DH would appreciate it, I am sure, if you talked to him about how things are for him.

If your situation is similar, the best way you can deal with this is to devise a plan of action to cope with your depression which doesn't involve your husband - medication, therapy, change of diet, exercise, activities outside the house and hobbies. Then tell him that you are finding a constructive way forward, that you appreciate his support so far and that it has been hard for him too. Tell him that you are going to do everything in your power to get better. Tell him that you love him, and that you want him to stay, but appreciate if he needs a break.

I wish you all the best.

ContraryMartha Sun 19-Jun-11 15:07:43

Do you have to work?
Can you resign?

Bullying is taken very seriously nowadays, and it sounds as though that might be happening to you.
Do you have someone you can call to come and be with you? A friend? Family?

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