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Difficulty with partner since having baby

(12 Posts)
groceries Sat 18-Jun-11 16:38:04

Don't know what is going on with my partner at the moment. I gave birth to my son just 4 months ago and I realise that there is an adjustment period as everything changes. How am I supposed to help though, if he just clams up and wont talk to me... I end up feeling quite isolated, as I am the one at home all the time with the baby and I am doing all the jobs around the house. Meanwhile, but partner seems unhappy, even though he still goes to work etc and can basically do whatever he wants still. He is leaving on Monday and working away for the next 2 weeks, now I am looking forward to him leaving. I cant stand the silence.. What makes matters worse is my Dad is here staying with us from overseas and can see all this going on. Although he hasn't said a word to me. I am the one who is cooking, cleaning etc for everyone and looking after the baby; but sometimes I feel like no one is looking out for me...
Please any advice would be appreciated.

LadyLapsang Sat 18-Jun-11 16:43:37

How does your DP feel about having your father staying? Think it's important for new parents to adjust to parenthood together in their own way without relatives and friends staying.

groceries Sat 18-Jun-11 16:52:05

Yes I agree, I think maybe hes unhappy about it. I tried to encourage Dad to travel around like he did the last time but he didn't make any plans this time. I think maybe this time it's a bit much considering we are still quite new to parenting. He only has one week to go, I don't want it to be a thoroughly miserable time for him or any of us. DH wont say how hes feeling, he just retreats into himself and won't say anything....

mamas12 Sat 18-Jun-11 16:52:43

Why the silence in the first place? What has gone on beforehand to precipitate all this?
You really need to talk to him him and also stop doing everything if it makes you resentful your need to start asking both dh and dad to do a few things that need doing.

groceries Sat 18-Jun-11 16:58:53

I think its a combination of Dad being here and then when things are difficult with the baby. I always try and encourage DP to do things with my son and don't take over, but it just seems like it's too much for him at times. I haven't seen my Dad for over two years so it's difficult because I probably won't see him again for that amount of time or more. I will try not to do everything, and will ask for a hand. Dad is actually helping me quite a lot with the baby and is really good with him.

LadyLapsang Sat 18-Jun-11 17:07:10

Actually I think you might have answered your own question here. Imagine if your DP invited your MIL to stay and she was helping and good with the baby, you might not feel so happy, especially if you were about to go away for work. Did you ask your DP if was ok with your dad staying?

groceries Sat 18-Jun-11 17:15:20

Yes of course but I think we both thought he would plans things himself, but he hasn't really planned anything. I think he wanted to spend some time with the baby though, its going to be a while before he sees him again. Its not just that though, DP is impatient with the baby when he is helping and acts like he dosent want to be around us. It was like this before Dad arrived, and will probably be like this when he goes. DP has no energy when it comes to doing things with us, but can travel 6 hours a day to get to London and seems happy to do it.

groceries Sat 18-Jun-11 17:24:48

Dad is from NZ so its difficult, he wants to spend time with the baby and see us as well. It's not like hes down the road and can pop in anytime like DP's parents can...

buzzsore Sat 18-Jun-11 18:08:15

Can you/have you had a chat out of the house away from the baby and your dad?

groceries Sat 18-Jun-11 23:15:08

I think you're right we need to have a talk on our own. Will try and do so when DP comes back in two weeks time...

LadyLapsang Sun 19-Jun-11 16:41:43

Maybe your DP is missing the old you and your pre-baby relationship a bit. All the attention on the new baby (totally understandable) may have made him feel a bit nose out of joint. If you're not breastfeeding, could you go out for a meal together or do something fun when he gets back, might help him to open up a bit.

birdbirdbird Sun 19-Jun-11 18:18:11

i think you dh is being a selfish git, why are you doing the cooking etc all of it he should be helping out. your baby is 4 months old why cant your dad from nz come? happens all the time when babies are born ...

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