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Ex dp just told me he has had sex with someone else

(15 Posts)
GreatScottWeDontNeedRoads Sat 18-Jun-11 00:03:10

I know it's none of my business but I'm sitting here in my flat alone and in bits. He has never treated me the way he should have but I love the idiot with all my heart. I can't stop crying and I have images of the 2 of them together. My ds is at his house for the weekend so I'm on my own. I can't call anyone as it is so late but honestly the only thing stopping me from hurting myself is the thought of leaving my ds behind without a mum. Please don't tell me I'm pathetic just tell me how I can get the pain to stop please.

QueeferSutherland Sat 18-Jun-11 00:07:13

Oh, poppet.

Please don't hurt yourself.
Call the Samaritans if you really feel you might. Or if you need a chat at 3.00am.

Have you been apart long?
Why did he tell you, or did you ask?

MilkandWine Sat 18-Jun-11 00:07:52

I am so so sorry you feel like this. I know you are hurting terribly but harming yourself is NOT that answer. I speak as an ex self harmer myself, you will only feel even worse afterwards.
Your ex is a bastard for even telling you this, you really do not need to know. Please don't do anything stupid, you are better than that and you know it. What would your DS do without his mam? you have to focus on him.

Is there really nobody you can call? A real friend will not mind you phoning if you are truly distressed, no matter how late it is.

Hang on in there and be strong, I know it is so so hard but I am thinking of you.

MollysChamber Sat 18-Jun-11 00:08:56

Why the bloody hell did he tell you?

If it was just to rub your nose in it then he's a shit.

QueeferSutherland Sat 18-Jun-11 00:09:53


I know it can really hurt, even years after splitting up, when one partner moves on sooner.

You say he didn't treat you right. Try to remember the shit times, and why he is your ex.

GreatScottWeDontNeedRoads Sat 18-Jun-11 00:15:09

Thanks everyone for your kind words, I feel like such an idiot. We were on the phone talking and getting on well. It was going such a way that we were toying with the idea of meeting up for a chat about us. He said he wanted to be honest with me and it made him realise he was missing me and it was a mistake. We got together as teenagers And we had only ever slept with eachother. I feel so ashamed that this has hurt me so much.

GreatScottWeDontNeedRoads Sat 18-Jun-11 00:18:59

Sorry my head is all over the place. We have only been apart 3 or 4 weeks

SingOut Sat 18-Jun-11 00:23:51

Oh, love. No wonder it feels like a huge betrayal. It's so early in terms of how long you've been apart, and if you've only ever been with each other... I understand completely.

But look at it this way: if him doing that was what it took to make him realize he loves and misses you, well it could be a positive wake up call for him. In the meantime, YOU should starting thinking about whether yo even want HIM, and if he has anything to offer.

It will hurt less with time, I promise. Hang on there and think of your little one if you feel like hurting yourself. They need their mum around. x

GreatScottWeDontNeedRoads Sat 18-Jun-11 00:27:05

My ds means more to me then anything, I could never bring myself to do anything only because I have him. I know this is nothing compared to what others on here are going/have gone through. I feel pathetic for even starting this thread because it just sounds ridiculous. He hasn't cheated on me and he can do what he wants but my heart hurts so much.

SingOut Sat 18-Jun-11 01:18:56

It's not pathetic at all and it's okay to feel hurt. You sound sensible and know you're not entitled to make demands of an ex, so my guess is you'll be fine. Try not to think about it until you can talk about it with him, if he's willing. The imagination is cruel and will conjure up far worse things than actually happened...

GreatScottWeDontNeedRoads Sat 18-Jun-11 03:36:17

God it's late! Have had a long chat with him over the phone. He seems very sure that it was all a mistake and he hates himself especially because of the fact we had only been with eachother and can't get that back now. I know it's not the be all and end all and it's probably really unusual to only ever sleep with one person but it meant a lot to me. He swears they were careful and that there is no chance she could have become pregnant or anything. He said it happened while he was away 2 weeks ago for a job interview and he met this woman in his hotel. She has txt him a few times since then but apparently he rang her and said he did not want anything more to come of it.

I feel floored after our chat to be honest. I'm all cried out and now I just feel a bit empty. I'm really thankful to everyone that has replied. I honestly don't know what I would have done if I hadn't of posted this here sad

Lizzabadger Sat 18-Jun-11 03:44:10

Look after yourself. Do you think you can get some sleep now?

GreatScottWeDontNeedRoads Sat 18-Jun-11 04:27:57

I was trying to distract myself and ended up reading a ghost thread in AIBU and now iv scared myself so much i don't know if I can sleep even though my eyes are burning and my head hurts. I'm such a baby...

QueeferSutherland Sat 18-Jun-11 10:08:39

How are you this morning, Scott?

I didn't want to leave you last night, but sleep called.

I can see why you are upset, totally.
He sounds quite sincere though, although obviously I don't know him.

GreatScottWeDontNeedRoads Sat 18-Jun-11 11:55:17

I dont know how I am to be honest sad I know I feel better after our chat and because I now know I won't be bumping into her or anything (we live in a small town and I was worried it was going to be someone I knew) ds won't be back until Monday do I have some time to think. At the same time I feel like all I ever do is think and over think thing and it's driving me mad sad I just want these thoughts of him to go away.

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