Hi everyone, I need some advice and an outside opinion. Sorry - this will be long...
We're a young (and growing) family with an 8 year old DD and expecting a second child. I have graduated from university a year ago, and was going to look for my first job, however with number two being on the way, this won't be practical for some time now. I am therefore a stay-at-home mum, by circumstances rather than choice.
The problem is my husband (in his thirties) is a computer games addict. He was always into computer games - since his teens - and this often caused an argument between us, but recently, with role-playing games which encourage participation 24/7, it got depressingly worse. He plays hours
on end (often over 5 hours in one go, but sometimes over 10 hours), totally ignores my and DD's needs, skips meals, suffers from sleep deprivation, and is consistently late for work. Any activity that takes us away from home, and the internet, is a big irritation and an obstacle to his success in the game, which is the top priority for him right now. He blames me for 'making him' go to the supermarket and buy groceries for us (we don't drive and I can't carry much, being pregnant). He insists I login to the game and make some actions on his behalf whilst he's at work and he gets upset when I refuse to do so. He really gets seriously profoundly upset that I'm 'letting him down' (this just shows how serious and depressingly real it is for him). He went to bed at 3am the other night and woke me up to tell that his village was raided by Romans. He's known to fall asleep in somebody else's home in the middle of a family visit because of sleep deprivation, and he carries his laptop with him wherever he can. He is abusive to me and DD because we sometimes dare to distract him from his gaming with family chores, and he then openly blames us for any failures in the game that result from him being involved in family activities and away from the game.
I have confronted him a great number of times about this, and done so in no unclear terms. He apologised repeatedly and promised to get better. He keeps his word for a day or two, and then it's all back to his pathological state. His current excuse is that he will delete the game and will stop playing when baby number two is born.
I am scared to leave my DH at home even for a day if he's not at work! I know that without me in the house he will be playing non-stop until I come back (whenever that is!)
I would love to change the way things are, and for my husband to come back to our family. He's just not with us anymore. I would like him to wake up to the fact that this is not normal, and he needs to change, for his own sake and for the sake of our family. But he wouldn't admit there's a problem. He says this is the way he gets some rest and it's good fun. He doesn't let me talk to anybody about it. And who would I talk to if we never socialise? (We moved for DH's work a year ago so don't have a lot of friends at the new place). My parents are far away and I wouldn't want them to be worried when there's nothing they can do to help. His parents are very protective of their son, and I fear that if I bring it up with them they will be on his side, just like they always were, irrespective of the where the problem lies.
Should I raise it as abusive behavior with some women support organisation (don't really know who or how)? Would they be able to help? - given that he's not keen to accept any help himself at present?!
Any help or advice appreciated. Will also be glad to hear from gamers who could perhaps suggest strategies of how to cut down on gaming to reasonable levels.
Thank you all who read it to the end.
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Relationships
DH computer gaming is destroying our family
noadditives · 17/06/2011 15:58
I used to be addicted to an MMORPG. "I'll quit when DC2 is born" won't happen. He'll use the computer more to escape from DC2. Then it'll be "I'll quit when after x" or "I'm not going to quit because you want me to". There will always be an excuse.
I can't speak for your husband but for me MMORPG addiction was my way of escaping from my real life and my responsibilities. I wasted so much damn time, energy and money on that game. I look back now and feel pretty stupid :(.
What game is it he's playing, if you don't mind me asking? I've gleaned it's not WoW thankfully! 
cupawoman's Ds has good advice, but essentially only if the OP's DH wants to give up.
The following advice is for him to cut back (rather than stop) as it seems likely this is a halfway step in the right direction at least)
What game is it? If it is TW or Travian, or some such, (I am currently playing the latter and am hooked, though not addicted 
). He could, if playing Travian, for example, play on a slower server (battles can't happen as quickly, so the need to be on and checking is lessened), and play with a 'dual' (i.e. he and another or several players all play one account - which means they can take it in turns to be online). That would mean that he could state the time he was going to be online (e.g. 8-11pm and then again 6-7am or whatever works for you). Both of these might be more acceptable to your DH rather than going cold turkey and stopping altogether (not saying he shouldn't try, but am being realistic here).
You could try writing down the steps in the TW guide to quitting on his behalf and showing him. He may genuinely not realise the impact the game is having on him/his life and you/your life.
:(
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