I have always had a rollercoaster of a realtionship with my dad.
Growing up he was a very different man- fun, outgoing with a really love of life and a sense of adventure. He was always the 'fun' dad and I doted on him.
Then things changed a lot. He got more and more senior at work. I turned into a teenager. Our realtionship was dreadful. He was cold and distant, rude,arrogant and dismissive. Very controlling and neglectful in many ways.
I would go as far as too say he was EA towards my mother and I (i.e calling me fat, telling me I should be like other girls, being pleased when things went wrong etc). But not so bad towards my siblings.
My mother couldnt take his new persona anymore and divorced him. I moved out.
That is when he changed again. He suddenly couldnt do enough for me, become very supportive and full of praise. He always wanted to be with me and dc and was one of the few around to help when we had a crisis.
However he was obsessed and bitter over my mother leaving him. He would talk for hours and hours about all her wrongs as well as all the problems I was going through (quite painful ones). Intially I didnt mind as he seemed so lonely ....but after four years of hearing the same things I couldnt take it anymore.
I felt hearing him talking about the same negative things over and over again in detail to stressful. The whole family went through a period of huge problems but there comes a point where you cant keep being reminded of this all the time and want to move on.
In the end DH even stepped in and asked him to stop talking about distressing things. He cant seem to stop. He cant seem to talk to me about ANYTHING but morbid things. He will just sit in silence.
What irriates me also is he has never helped me with money at all (he is very wealthy). Fair enough I have thought all this time- until I found out recently he gives money to my siblings all the time. It doesnt make sense- he watched dc and I starve at one point yet funds their mobile phone bills etc.
Its not really about the money- its about the fact he doesnt seem to dump his issues on them, but helps them. He constantly praises me still and says he is very proud but speaks quite badly of my siblings behind their back.
Also for a short time last year we had to move back in with him. His behaviour totally reveretd back to the cold,controlling man he was. My DH was shocked and very distressed by it all.
What I want to understand is why is does his behaviour change so much- if I live under his roof he treats me like rubbish,but is full of compliments and pride when I dont?
Why does he not respect the fact I dont want to talk about past issues anymore? Why does he only talk to me about such painful negative things?
Why Im the only one he uses as like a "counselling service"?
What is going on?
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Please help me understand my Dad's behavior
13 replies
Achange · 17/06/2011 15:21
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