Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Is he giving mixed messages - or am i thick?

(81 Posts)
veryconfusing Fri 17-Jun-11 13:45:31

Had a first date from a guy 10 days ago and it went well.

Then after a few days i saw him on facebook and said hi and he ignored me. Then the following day he said he could do something again, but both of us have been a little busy.
Some days i get ignored, and then i get contacted.. and although hes said about doing something, nothing has been said.

On wednesday i asked if he wanted to do something over the weekend and got no reply for 5 hours ( sent a text) so thought id but a closure on it and sent a message saying, not to worry and it had been nice meeting him. He replied within seconds saying i was being foolish and was over reacting, and he did want to. texting went on all evening.

Thursday hes been very flirty on my facebook page, so i sent a text, to which i got no reply. Today we have so far been in a poke war.

Im bloody confused.

last weekend before we were both busy we had said about doing something tonight, but nothiing has been said since, and he didnt reply when i asked if he wanted to do something.

Ive now made other plans, but i dont know if i am indeed being foolish and inpatient, or hes just messing me about.

YookUnt Fri 17-Jun-11 13:46:47

he is titting about

bin him

you want a grown up, not a game player


mrsravelstein Fri 17-Jun-11 13:50:01

he's messing you about. on the other hand, it all sounds a bit full on when you've only had 1 date... it has been about a hundred years since i was single, but don't you arrange the 2nd date for a week or so after the 1st one if you're keen, and then that's it? i don't get all the fb stuff...

Renaissance227 Fri 17-Jun-11 13:51:10

I agree. Bin him. Sounds like his dipping his toe in and out of a possible "thing" with you, and not in a good way!
By the way, why is it message on FB and texts? Why no phone calls?
I'd call him this evening with a day/evening to meet in mind and see if you get any joy, if not then DEFINITELY bin him!

cuteboots Fri 17-Jun-11 13:51:21

knock it on the head. He doesnt deserve anymore wasted energy or time spent on him and you can do better life is to short!!

veryconfusing Fri 17-Jun-11 13:51:54

thats what i think too. i mean, if he was interested in seeing me he would have asked, or made some kind of plan and not ignored when i asked.

But then why bother with contacting some time and not others? and then why not just leave it when i said ' nice meeting you, lets just leave it'

veryconfusing Fri 17-Jun-11 13:53:33

mrs ravelinstein - yeah, its all different now smile it was much simpler before the joys of facebook and texting. lol

iMemoo Fri 17-Jun-11 13:55:35

You sound a bit full on tbh. Sometimes I don't reply to texts for hours because I didnt hear my phone go and don't check it every 5 minutes.

cuteboots Fri 17-Jun-11 13:56:41

unfortunately some men just like to keep their options open and having been on the receiving end of this its not very nice. Any man that communicates by fb and texts isnt worth the effort.

MizzyFizzy Fri 17-Jun-11 13:56:50

I think he's messing you about and has plans to keep you as a reserve option when he thinks he has nothing better to do.

I wouldn't have the patience for this either like me and treat me properly or clear orf!

veryconfusing Fri 17-Jun-11 13:58:04

but - if i said prior to meeting, ( via match. com) we were constantly texting for about a week, like ALL day.

meditrina Fri 17-Jun-11 14:01:30

I don't think he's giving mixed messages. I think he's no longer that interested - sorry.

Renaissance227 Fri 17-Jun-11 14:04:49

Stop texting and facebook messaging and talk to him via the phone OR please just give him up as a bad job!

TheSecondComing Fri 17-Jun-11 14:08:08

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mrsravelstein Fri 17-Jun-11 14:08:21

ok so before you met you were texting constantly (i will never understand modern dating, my dh had better not leave me or i'll be in trouble), but since you actually met, it's all tailed off. he's definitely not THAT interested then. i have a couple of single friends who internet date, and this seems to be a very common issue.

dittany Fri 17-Jun-11 14:09:32

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

strawberryjelly Fri 17-Jun-11 14:10:30

but - if i said prior to meeting, ( via match. com) we were constantly texting for about a week, like ALL day.

errrrr...doesn't this give you a clue?

He was full on by text before you met.
and now after you have met he's hot and cold, but mainly cold.

What does this ????

he doesn't want to be dumped by YOU- hence the reaction to your "oh never mind" text- he wants control. Not you.

Sorry- but after just one date no guy is worth this emotional investment no matter how gorgeous.

AnyF Fri 17-Jun-11 14:12:03

It ain't working

Bin him

Next !

hobbgoblin Fri 17-Jun-11 14:16:09

you sound like the game player to me. Decide what you want and then ask for it, don't manipulate his response because of your pride. Not texting for 5 hours is not a thing to make a big deal about. If it's too long for you, move on but don't goad him with the 'let's just leave it' texts when you don't actually mean that.

veryconfusing Fri 17-Jun-11 14:24:51

no, thats what i think too. hes just wasting my time.
I wasnt goading him with the ' lets just leave it' text. i meant it.

and 5 hours or not replying - yeah, that annoyed me. because he texted me, i replied. he replied and then he didnt reply to my last one, which incidentally was the one asking if he wanted to do something.

I also think way too much hastle after one date. its not meant to be this much of a headfuck.

SpareOhs Fri 17-Jun-11 14:27:54

Y'see, I internet date and even I'm confused by this.

Why would you have someone on your FB that you've only had one date with?

Why would you be 'constantly' texting someone before you've even met?

And why on earth would you be setting arbitrary time limits for the return of said texts and then getting a strop on when the bloke you've met once doesn't reply 'in time'?

You sound seriously high maintenance and he sounds like he's not that into you anyway. Forget and move on.

Renaissance227 Fri 17-Jun-11 14:30:57

I do have to say that some men are NOT at all good with the texting thing. I have texted men who are VERY interested in more and they don't reply for hours if at all (mostly talking about my current DP when we were first getting together)!
You sound a bit full on and maybe came across like that to him.
Bin this one but try to be a bit more cool in future. Let the men do the chasing for once. If they want to they will, I PROMISE!!

strawberryjelly Fri 17-Jun-11 14:32:06

You are right to leave it BUT maybe you need to chill a little re. future dates?

I am too long in the tooth to be into texting anyone often, - rather talk by phone- let alone a potential date, BUT not hearing from someone for 5 hours and then reacting seems a bit OTT. Surely if he has a life and work not being able to reply to a text instantly is quite reasonable?

In this case it looks like he was happy to text ad nauseum but commiting to seeing you for a 2nd time was different- so he stalled.

But you do sound a bit full on- I thought the usual practice after an internet date ( going by friends who do it successfully) was to follow up with 1 text/call/email saying nice to see you- get in touch if you want to see me again sometimes OR say nice to meet you but I don't want to take it further.

Then leave the ball in their court.

dittany Fri 17-Jun-11 14:35:59

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

dittany Fri 17-Jun-11 14:36:25

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: