H and I are separating I will stay in the house, he will get a flat. He earns a lot of money, but we have no savings, because he spends it all. How can I talk to him about not being so bloody stupid with money?
Warning His sense of entitlement is huge
I have one of his bank statments in front of me In the space of one week he withdrew £1200 cash. Spent £300 in one bar, and wait for it.... £4200 on a flight to Australia. He has a ton of airmiles, why couldn't he use them????
Now, it's his money, he earns it. But I know he is not going to stop. He will be able to afford to pay our mortgage, and a flat for himself, but he is going to have to stop spending like he is Rockefeller. How can I make him take responsibility?
Is it really your problem any more? You will presumably have a financial settlement outlining how much he will give to you for your dc, and how he spends his other dosh has nothing to do with you. Are you worried he won't be able to make his payments because he'll piss the money away on other things? That's understandable but I don't think there's anything you can do in advance of him actually failing to cough up, hopefully other posters will have more advice.
I know 100% that he will complain about not having any money to do the things he wants. I know that doesn't sound like a big deal, but he is very manipulative and controlling, so it will become a problem
I was hoping that we could sort the finances out amicably, I have a figure in mind, which should still give him plenty of excess, but if he keeps spending money like this he will come running to me to change things
If he was careful we could both have really nice lifestyles.
Do you have children together? You don't mention any, so if you do not then I would say it's not anything to do with you any more, you might not make those decisions but from now on it's his money to do as he wishes. If you have children together, it's a different matter though...
Why don't you get a job and pay for things yourself.
Why should he provide you with a "nice" lifestyle? He needs to ensure his children are provided for but your OP sounds like you expect to be "kept" and unfortunately for you he is not obliged to do so.
He will be funding your lifestyle. As far as I can see you won't be earning anything and will be living off what he earns. £2k a month is a lot of money, more than a lot of people earn and manage to live off.
He should provide for his son but otherwise you need to earn your own money. If he wants to spend his money on flights, taxis and booze, that's his look out once he has contributed to the cost of keeping the kid.
You asked 'How can I make him take responsibility?' The short answer is you can't. It may not be right, but that's how it is, I'm afraid. Presumably his huge sense of entitlement and nobbish behaviour has something to do with why you are separating.
If he complains about having to keep a roof over his child's head, ignore him. It's his responsibility to support his own child. If he doesn't pay, that's another story.
Agree that you need to get a lawyer. Forget about trying to be 'amicable' with someone you think will be 'very manipulative and controlling.' The way to protect your son's interests is to get a properly agreed settlement.
I see what you are saying OP. My ex squanders his money in the same way, he doesn't pay me £2k a month though, if only!
I do actually think that it is to do with you as well, as I can't see where it says you are divorced yet. Are you a SAHM? Because that has to be considered as well, if you gave up your career in agreement with him to bring up your child.
I think it is only natural to find this worrying when you have a child to worry about. Not sure there is much you can do about it though.
exhausted if you weren't able to influence what he did with his money when you were together, you're certainly not going to be able to now.
So don't waste your time worrying about it. But do get a lawyer or at least work out a regular payment agreement through the CSA. I don't see how you can work out anything 'amicably' with somebody who is abusive to you.