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Rebound Relationship......broken hearted agaain help needed

(21 Posts)
krissydw1 Sun 12-Jun-11 13:07:39

Hey i have previoulsy posted on here re my previous relationship and emotional affair violent relationship. My ex left ten weeks ago and am really struggling as still realy love him and miss him it still all feels very unreal.

Anyway a couple of weeks ago a man from my past got in touch with me just talking at first as he had just come out of a relationship to. It moved quick to intense coinversations texts all fulled by him. We met up nearly every night for a week stayed in a hotel twice and spoke almost constantly. He said he was fallin in love with me and was worried i would leave him since i had started to get a bit stronger re my ex. Well i thought i was because a week after meeting him i started to get a bit of my old self back. I really started to feel better he understood what i had been through offered to give me money to move so we could see each other more. Then one day bang nothing the next day after texting him loads cos i was confused he said he just wanted to leave it it was all happeneing to fast could we stay friends.

I just couldnt get my head around it since it had all been fuled by him eventualy after texting more to find out what was really going on he told me to sto harrassing him and he was going back to his ex. If he had of had the decency to tell me this in the first place i would have left him alone. I was only trying to find out what was going on. He was really into me and i dont understand it how he can be the one moving it all forward then just fuck off like that. I now feel totaly more fucked in the head than before and even more alone

Help please

Xales Sun 12-Jun-11 13:10:55

He found a vulnerable woman and used her. Once he had what he wanted he dropped you from a great height.

Take time to be alone and by yourself for a while.

Get some counselling for yourself to find out why you are still in love with a violent man who left you and to make yourself see you are worth more.

ledkr Sun 12-Jun-11 13:26:05

Hi,in did a very similar thing and ended up heartbroken and unsure who had broken it? My ex walked out after 18yrs and 4 dc's i quickly became involved with another guy but when that ended was devastated. I can honestly say what helped me was having some time alone,concentrating on my children,career,friends and home.I gave myself time to grive for what i had lost and came out the other side ready to start again.Good luck.

hurryup Sun 12-Jun-11 15:41:43

Ha, exactly the same here. Rebound relationship, he was very intense very quickly, then nothing and now wants his ex back. Bigger problems to worry about now however but I agree that you were vulnerable, as I was, and he used you. Not a nice feeling at all but at least he is the low life, not you. You deserve better. keep strong.

ducati Sun 12-Jun-11 18:33:40

The number of people I know who have fallen really hard for someone immediately after the end of a very long relationship or marriage is unbelieveable. You are not alone. I guess you can see why it happens. You are feeling terrible and someone takes all that bad stuff away and makes you feel great and optimistic about the future. Still, it is horrible for it that it ended so abruptly, and for him to not be straight with you. That was rather disrespectful of what you had been through. Poor you. I guess you have to put it down experience and take things more slowly next time, no matter how eager the new man is....

BelleDameSansMerci Sun 12-Jun-11 18:40:46

Oh you poor thing... What a shit.

Perhaps have a little wallow but then see if you can keep that part of your old self you found and use it to keep you strong and, as has been suggested, just take care of yourself for a while before embarking on another relationship.

krissydw1 Mon 13-Jun-11 11:16:48

I know i feel so stupid for even going there....it was all him pushing me to see me etc then like an idiot i got used to talking to him sharing things and it took away the hurt. Stoped me thinking about my ex and made me realise what a tosser he was to me. I supose thats one good thing.

Strange how you fall so quick thatnk god im not the only one i feel so so so so stupid

hurryup Mon 13-Jun-11 11:23:43

You really aren't the only one - I have to work with mine so at least you don't have that (hopefully). Has any lasting damage been done? Be gentle on yourself - you were vulnerable and he took advantage of you. Have you considered counselling?

krissydw1 Mon 13-Jun-11 11:54:19

Yes i have considered it and feel that i need it just trying to move at the moment which is hard as he has left me in the shit financialy big time. This other guy was offering me money for a deposit so i could move and we could see each other more i was like i cant take money off you and he was determind he wanted to help me financialy which makes it even more weird that he just fucked off am so confused about the whole thing why did he bother ????

hurryup Mon 13-Jun-11 12:26:18

I'm not sure you'll ever find the answer and in my case it was making it worse trying to understand. I've almost come to the conclusion that he's a messed up shit who doesn't understand himself so why should I torture myself trying to work it out. Although that's on a good day, on a bad day I'm full of anger and questions going round and round my head.

krissydw1 Mon 13-Jun-11 12:35:09

lol bless you i guess thats the only conclusion you can come to.
Ive just remembered that he actualy offered to lend me the deposit before we even met so i could move and sorted a house out for me to look at thats a bit fucked up i know. BUT i trusted him and needed the money to move cos my ex isnt giving me anything so yet another let down.

Its a bit weird offering that after like one conversation and then a few dates

hurryup Mon 13-Jun-11 12:40:45

Oh God, do you think it's the same man? I can't believe that there are 2 men that are such complete dickheads in the world?

hurryup Mon 13-Jun-11 12:46:33

Just found this on another thread but it's so appropriate.

www.drjoecarver.com/clients/49355/File/IdentifyingLosers.html

krissydw1 Mon 13-Jun-11 14:09:18

All this i think i am falling in love with you shit why did he bother

krissydw1 Mon 13-Jun-11 14:13:47

why do we let these fuckers hurt us i am so hurt i dont think i can cope with much more
everything is already a mess i didnt need this as well more heart ache and confusion am so destroyed by all of this and so fragile and he knew that

hurryup Mon 13-Jun-11 14:39:06

You can't change what has happened, what he did or the things you believed. You can only change your response to them. Do you have real life friends or family for support?

krissydw1 Mon 13-Jun-11 14:50:09

yeah a few some really good friends but they dont live near me..... maybe i needed this to happen to let it all out i dont know i just know i hurt so much probably had all of my ambition beaten out of me so when i get a glimmer i dont know what to do with it

krissydw1 Tue 14-Jun-11 12:41:45

I down loaded an album today and have spent the whole day sobbing feeling really really bad today

oldwomaninashoe Tue 14-Jun-11 12:55:28

This happened to me, more years ago than I would like to admit. Came out of a bad marriage, vulnerable and fell "very hard" for someone who seemed as committed as I was then wanted out, very suddenly.
I was so hurt, sobbed for days and carried that hurt round with me like a stone in my stomach.

Looking back the positives that came from that experience was that I was very wary in the future with men who wanted to be "involved" very quickly and intensely, got to know men more slowly and made a resolve never to let another man hurt me as badly again.

Put it down to experience and as part of a learning curve and learn to like and respect yourself again.
Proceed with caution in future and you will survive.
Look after yourself xx

hurryup Thu 16-Jun-11 00:55:26

How are you krissy?

ducati Fri 17-Jun-11 22:37:01

if it makes u feel better i have male friend who like you fell madly in love with woman he met immediately after his marriage broke up. three years on he is with someone else and says he is still madly in love with the rebound one. rebound people have a special role - they are the one that made us feel better during that bleak time. but really that is their place. i don't think much is served by thinking they were "the one". grieving the loss of your main ex is main thing......the other guy was just a distraction

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