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How often do married couples really have sex?

(270 Posts)
50000feet Thu 09-Jun-11 19:41:02

My husband thinks all other married couples are having more sex than we are, a couple of 45 year olds with two kids who do it about two to three times a month - Both full time workers with stressfull jobs. Anyone brave enough to tell the truth so i can get a realitic picture.

I have asked my mates but thats not a big enough picture.

GreenTeapot Thu 09-Jun-11 19:47:35

It varies but yes, we have had long spells where it would be a similar frequency. Then better times when it happens more often. Work, shift work, wakeful children, other stresses and just the natural cycles of closeness and distance that seem part of any longterm relationship all contribute. I think it's only a problem if you stop talking about it or if there's a constant and troublesome mismatch in sex drives.

Clarabumps Thu 09-Jun-11 19:58:41

not married but been together for 5 years, so near enough.. we have sex around once a week. we have two kids under 4 so im mostly shattered when it comes to the end of the day.. it tends to go through trends tho- sometimes its twice a week then there will be a dry spell. My dp thinks we dont have enough sex..he doesnt really know how much sex other couples have but he accepts that its because the kids are really young and im bloody shattered.

GreenTeapot Thu 09-Jun-11 20:01:15

blush sorry we're not married either but 8 years together.

Fernie3 Thu 09-Jun-11 20:06:33

We are married with 4 kids, I am 27 he is 28. We have sex on average probably twice a week? But that is some weeks not at all other weeks more like 4 times.It really depends on the mood and how tired we are.

JemimaMop Thu 09-Jun-11 20:08:31

We have been married for almost 10 years, together for 13, and have 3 children.

I would say roughly about once or twice a week.

Fernie3 Thu 09-Jun-11 20:08:53

Sorry we have been together 11 years

magicmelons Thu 09-Jun-11 20:12:42

3-4 times a week we have 2 dc aged 4 and 6 and i am pregnant. There has been times when we had sex probably twice a week but any less than that and i'd be concerned but that's just us. Most of the time dh instigates (although now that i'm pregnant the reverse is true blush and i am happy to go for it but sometimes i'd be equally as happy to have a cocoa. We have been together 8 years.

So long as your both happy with it i don't think it matters how often you have sex.

activate Thu 09-Jun-11 20:14:18

once or twice every couple of months

not married, been together 20 years, 4 kids

great relationship

angrygingermidget Thu 09-Jun-11 21:01:00

twice a month, two young kids under 3, been together 11 years, both hold down full time stressful jobs. We are just knackered, we have the intention more, but then crash out.

Irishchic Thu 09-Jun-11 21:13:36

11 years married, 5 kids under 11, between 2 and 4 times a month, this is enough for me!

MamaMary Thu 09-Jun-11 21:20:09

Married 3 years. 3 to 4 times a week.

LittlebearH Thu 09-Jun-11 21:24:50

Been together 6 years. Twice so far this year. Feels a freak blush

Tinkerisdead Thu 09-Jun-11 21:27:16

Married 3 years. About once a week on average. Got a 2 yr old dd and there was a real dry spell after her birth and now preg again and not exactly jumping at it. Tiredness on my part to blame.

GrimmaTheNome Thu 09-Jun-11 21:28:37

We're 50 and have been married nearly 25 years. We went through a patch pre-DD when it was a couple of times a month, and when she was small it was once in a blue moon.

But now we both work part-time from home, most days. Its a real benefit to 'downshifting' - time together when we're not tired and DD isn't around.

superv1xen Thu 09-Jun-11 21:28:58

we have it about 3 - 4 times a week.

we have been married nearly 6 months and together 3 1/2 years.

we used to do it about 3 times a day for the first couple of years grin we'd both love to do it more but having 2 dc under 5 kind of scuppers it a bit when we are too exhausted grin but we are always kissing and cuddling which helps us to keep feeling close.

BlooferLady Thu 09-Jun-11 21:29:01

Married 11 years together 14, happiest & most loving couple imaginable. Properly joined at the hip, love-notes in lunch-box type happy (cheesy detail, but essential context)

Varies from nowt for a month or so to 2/3 times in a week if TTCing/happy/relaxed/not panicking about the general ghastliness of existence. It's always grrrrrr-eat when it happens.

DH works 12 hour night shifts, I am concluding a full time PhD whilst pursuing 2 separate careers. We are rarely at home at the same time, never mind in bed, awake, and up for it. I have given up comparing our sex life to anyone else's. The only time I get irritable and want more is if I think we're not living up to some non-existent average/standard, or if we're supposed to be TTCing and the damn man is in a police station with miscreants somewhere instead of where he should me, ie boffing me senseless.

comparisons with other couples are, I think, rarely (if ever) helpful. Certainly not for me anyway.

superv1xen Thu 09-Jun-11 21:30:45

love-notes in lunch-box

glad that isn't just me blooferlady grin blush

BlooferLady Thu 09-Jun-11 21:33:17

grin grin

It's nice to imagine them smiling. Although I might slightly have ruined the surprise last time by texting 'have you had your lunch yet have you have you?' [MI5 operative emoticon]

LieInsAreRarerThanTigers Thu 09-Jun-11 21:34:54

We do it roughly once a month....and tenderly the rest of the time! Sorry couldn't resist the joke. No sex at all at the moment but that's another story...

marge2 Thu 09-Jun-11 21:35:41

Together 14 years. Married 11. 2 kids under 8. Once or twice a month. More than enough for me. Feels like a bit of a chore and when I go along with it, it's to please DH. DH would like more, but I am beggared with job, kids etc.

BlooferLady Thu 09-Jun-11 21:35:54

<snort> That's STREEMLY funny LieIns grin

bicyclemum Thu 09-Jun-11 21:38:43

glad there is a big range there. used to be alot, but now with 10month DS I want it never...
am assuming it'll come back one day. together 5 yrs.
DP understanding but keeps trying!

eurochick Thu 09-Jun-11 21:42:04

We've been together 8 years and married for just under a year. We are TTC at the moment, so taking note of it for the last few months and it has varied between once (I was travelling for work) and about 10 times in a month. Pre-TTC it was probably 2-4 times a month, always at the weekends. We both work long hours and keep slightly different hours (so don't go to bed at the same time) which makes it tricky during the week, but we are making the effort at the moment!

PonceyMcPonce Thu 09-Jun-11 21:44:50

Approx weekly. 3rd, both working , in our 40s and 50s, married twenty years.

Will point out to dh he is doing pretty well.

Whilst quantity not huge, quality is excellent. Best ever really, maybe feel very comfortable with each other.

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