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If you have or had a good relationship with your Dad, come and tell me about it

(92 Posts)
BertieBotts Thu 12-May-11 19:37:56

Because I'm not sure I know what one is like sad and I think I should, for DS' sake. And I'm interested smile

EuroShaggleton Fri 17-May-13 16:40:48

I don't have the kind of relationship where I would ever talk to my dad about any of the emotional stuff, but he has been wonderful nonetheless. He let me tag along if he was working in the evening or doing DIY at the weekends. I loved being a daddy's girl. He's always there, level headed and being the rock I know I can lean on.

He doesn't hug or tell me he loves me, but I absolutely know it. And I know he's do anything for me. Most recently, he's just built three cupboards and installed a burglar alarm. smile

schooldidi Fri 17-May-13 16:32:20

My dad is brilliant. He was a teacher for years but then got ill when i was 3 and had to retire (at 30!! shock). So he was a SAHD while my mum went back to ft work, in an age when he was the only SAHD anybody had ever met, and my mum was frowned upon for working ft. Because he was at home he did all the day to day care of us, he cooked, he helped with homework, he generally made us feel safe and loved.

When we were teenagers he then took on the care of his elderly relatives (his mum and 2 aunts), and eventually dgm came to live with us. He turned our whole lives upside down by bringing her into our home, but we barely even noticed it because him and my mum just kept it all so matter of fact and our lives continued as normal (apart from occassional grandma-sitting duties to let them have a rare night out).

I always felt I could tell either of my parents anything at all. They thought I was pg as a teen (I wasn't, I have pcos and that explained the lack of periods) and my first response was "but I would have told you", I never felt that they would judge me harshly in any way for anything I ever did. I fully expected love and support whenever I needed it, and without fail they both provided it. When I did fall pg at 19, having just split up with my boyfriend, they invited me to move back home, and my dad provided free childcare for 6 years. Even now, we live over an hour away from each other and I can still call him up on a morning and he would be there asap, no questions asked (other than "are you ok?").

Lweji Fri 17-May-13 16:22:31

I also had a great relationship with my grandad, who used to takes us to the playground and taught me about plants and animals, that he grew and kept, respectively.
He was also very generous and kind, and told us stories about when he was younger and built us a swing.
He also used to go shopping for the home every day.

Sadly, he died in my mid 20s. Still miss him sometimes.

MrsApplepants Fri 17-May-13 16:22:12

I adore my Dad, he's everything a man should be. Hard working, honest, trustworthy, generous to a fault and always puts his family first. Treats my mother like a princess yet as an equal and growing up I felt valued, loved and cherished. He's an interesting person and has an opinion on everything, has a huge gusto for life. Doesnt suffer fools gladly though!

I feel it is totally down to him (and my mother) that I have had such a good role model of men and of marriage to follow. I am v v lucky.

Lweji Fri 17-May-13 16:17:43

I forgot to say he's also one of the most upstanding people I know.

Lweji Fri 17-May-13 16:16:06

Right, my dad can be very annoying.
He stresses a lot. He doesn't really share his feelings and rarely talks to us on the phone.
He hardly ever cooks or cleans (they have always had a cleaner).

He'd wake up early, often at 5 to make sure we woke up for the 6am ferry for us to go to Uni, have our breakfast ready and take us by car. He'd drive quite a few of our friends to their homes on our way back.

He took us earlier on holiday, just him and us two girls, and our mum would only join us later.

He taught me to swim, play football, and the rules,

He loves his grandchildren and was even the favourite person for my eldest nephew.

He will always do what he can for his children and grandchildren, as well as my mum.
And gets annoyed if any of us tries to lift the table (his job).
He goes shopping at the local market every day.

Also very generous and kind.

SilverOldie Fri 17-May-13 15:16:10

My Dad was the sweetest, kindest, funniest man I have ever known. He died over 30 years ago but I still think of him every day.

cheeseandchive Fri 17-May-13 08:33:07

Blimey, some of these are making me sob good n' proper!

I'll add mine to the Dad is amazing. Ever since I was young my parents operated an (informal) 'open door' policy. I always knew I could bring anyone home with me and my parents would welcome them, chat to them, cook for them, let them stay as long as they wanted. I got my love of cooking from my Dad, who cooked about 99% of our meals growing up. He was (and is) amazing with my friends and, as the father of girls, absolutely loved it when my male friends came over. Often my guy friends would come over to see my dad rather than me, and they'd end up playing xBox or going to the pub to play pool while I went to bed!

He's amazing with people and is fascinated by people and the way things work. When we go to a restaurant, he'll make jokes with the waiting staff, when we walk down the street he'll chat away to stall owners and shop-keepers about how their businesses work. DH calls him "the most brilliant child I've ever met" because he has a brilliant mind but the most childlike sense of humour. He raised us to be interested in everything; trying different foods when we were kids, taking me to a taxidermist to stuff an animal when I was about 11! Being self-employed, he has always been busy at work for as long as I can remember, but I remember as a kid he told me that me, my mum and my sisters were always allowed to interrupt him in meetings whenever we needed him. There was something so special about knowing he would leave an important meeting when we needed him, no matter what it was for.

Now that I'm married, he is an amazing father-in-law and still very much my dad. DH absolutely adores him and they're similar in loads of ways (though also not in some!) and my dad is still incredibly (ridiculously) generous. He still pops money into my account randomly, he put £101.11 in there the other day and when I called to ask him what for (and why the random amount) he giggled and said "just because I could, and just because I liked the number"

Fab thread, thanks for reminding me how fab my dad is!

Salbertina Thu 16-May-13 19:45:07

This is heartwarming (though a little hmm-making for those of us more critical of our dads, wrongly or otherwise)

My dad has a huge heart most of which is directed towards my dm with whom he is still besotted after 40 years. He can be kind (to a point), warm and selfless. The flip-side to this is that he is very weak, not very worldly and can be rather a bore- he is oblivious to others' interests/thoughts /feelings aside from dm and cannot tune in in conversations. My dm comes before everything and everyone, always has, always will.

I adored and stood up for my (rather emasculated) father as a teen and feel he's rather come to hold it against me. He's been there at times but overall has been rather a weak masculine presence in my life, i wish i could respect him but i don't. Dh, despite his faults, represents a far more rounded, functional male role model.

bumasbigasthetv Thu 16-May-13 19:35:26

my dad is amazing. he is a rock to me. he would do anything for anyone, is the most patient and laid back person i know. He supports me in everything and is the best grandad to my children in the world. I am truly blessed that my children have him as a role model amd will grow up knowing exactly what a man should be like smile

ChasingStaplers Thu 16-May-13 19:03:34

VanitasVanitatum you've put it into words beautifully and I feel exactly the same way about my dad.

tumbletumble Thu 16-May-13 16:39:00

My Dad is the most wonderful man I know (apart from DH... maybe...!). He is gentle, kind and would do anything for me or my Mum or brother. He adores his grandchildren. Although he's an intelligent man, he is very modest and unassuming.

When I was a child he was an active parent, often taking me and my brother to the playground, reading to us etc. His entry in 'Who's Who' used to list 'playing with the children' as one of his interests!

My parents have been married for nearly 45 years and have one of the happiest marriages I know. I have a brilliant relationship with my mum too.

My dad can be a difficult man at times but he's always been there for me.

When I got pregnant at 20 and my mother was sobbing and wailing he said 'a baby is always something to be happy about, you'll be fine. It's a girl btw, I know it.' (he was right on all counts)

He likes to wind me up but is always there when things are bad to help me out, be it financially or practically.

He was always my playmate and co-conspirator when I was little (only child) and is always proud of my achievements.

He visits every day off he has and chills out with me and the kids. He taught me how to use PCs, how to cook, how to paint, how yo fish and has taught me how to think logically, how to stand up for myself and how to present myself with assurance and professionalism to the world.

When I was attacked as a teen and the cops knocked on the door he slammed the door in their faces, threw on some clothes and was at my side in hospital before I even woke up.

I brought him to my favourite pubs when I was a teen and introduced him to all my goth friends and they loved him. He taught me how to drink, smoke and misbehave with style. grin

angelos02 Thu 16-May-13 16:21:20

My dad is wonderful. We can talk for up to an hour on the phone about anything & everything. I know I'm lucky to have such a great relationship with him and he even says his friends envy the relationship we have. I have no idea how I will cope when he is no longer here. I am welling up just typing this.

DeafLeopard Thu 16-May-13 16:09:38

My Dad is clever, kind, protective, supportive, generous, loving and oh too many other wonderful qualities to list.

He can also be a pita as he always knows best, but he is very sharp and analytical so always gets to the heart of a situation and wants to resolve it. So no pulling the wool over his eyes. However this made him very successful at work and having left school with no qualifications he educated himself and had a good career and worked really hard to provide for his family.

He has been and continues to be a rock in our lives. He is first to pitch in in a crisis and he loves his children and grand children unconditionally, and would do anything for us. He loves our company...for a short while and then he buggers off to do something / hands the phone to Mum for us to talk to her.

He had a very tough, deprived and violent childhood and hated his abusive father - he often says that if he though dsis and I felt about him the way he felt about his own father then he would have killed himself. He has a difficult relationship with his siblings but he values his family (Mum, me, dsis and the gcs) beyond anything.

maidmarian2012 Thu 16-May-13 15:56:09

This is a beautiful thread. Makes a change from the narc/abusive threads (although they are invaluble in helping MNers and I often always read them).

My dad was 42 when I was born and he named me. Both Jewish names for some odd reason (Hes RC FGS!!) He tells me stories about pushing me around our hometown in my pram presenting me to anyone who was interested!! My Mum was never maternal. My Dad attended parents evening etc. I'm not saying my mum was a bad parent, just not maternal. She struggled TBH.

He took interest in my schoolwork, encouraged (and financed) my addiction to horses, took me to the Working Mens Club with him, he worked about 70 hours a week as a welder and never once complained even when he broke his ribs.

Sadly when I was about 13 my Dad began drinking very heavily and hiding bottles of sherry in cupboards etc. My mum was being very hard on him at the time, she was a very selfish woman at times. He sought solace in alcohol and continued to do so for th next 15 years or so.

Finally my parents split up and my Dad almost stopped drinking overnight. By now he'd retired due to heart conditions and vascular problems and to top it all off had to have his wrists fused due to osteoarthritis.

Anyway, they are best friends now, its so strange!!

He is wise, generous and sensible and I feel I can tell him anything. He never judges me. Theres been times Iv deserved to be judged but he says "Youre and adult, how can I shout and carry on at you? " and hes a loving grandad too.

Hes also adopted his friends teenage daughter as her father was an abusive drunk and all her grandparents are passed away. She sends him cards that say Granddad on and he adores her. Of course, my mum thinks this is weird. I dont. Its just an example of how much love and caring he has to give. I welcome her into our family. Shes had such a terrible home life. sad Shes a lovely girl. smile

He is obsessed with sunbathing and getting a tan. Hes known for being very dark skinned. He has a strange dress sense which includes camouflage trousers and desert boots. Hes 72 FGS!!

Hes great. And he still doesnt drink. smile

MissRenataFlitworth Thu 16-May-13 14:13:23

My father is 91 now and housebound but still as bright as a button. He is not a verbally demonstrative person (Yorkshireman!) but has never let me down and now I help him as much as I can. We used to get oily together stripping his motorbike down when I was small in the 1950s and girls weren't supposed to do stuff like that. He gave me and my son a home when we had nowhere to go after my marriage collapsed and told me he was proud of the way I was coping with being a single parent.

I know I'm going to lose him sooner rather than later and when he dies it will leave a huge hole in my life but there are so many happy memories.

VanitasVanitatum Thu 16-May-13 14:12:56

I can't really put into words what my dad meant to me. I know that now he has gone (he died four years ago) no one will ever know me, understand me, or love me like he did. He was the best man I've ever known. I was so incredibly lucky to have him, and I hope to live up to his dreams for me.

PeppermintPasty Thu 16-May-13 13:54:31

How very, very odd Bertie. I was only thinking last night about a post I wrote on here some time ago about my Dad, and paint me pink the very thread pops up again!!

My Dad died in 2009 and I so miss him. When I went away to University years ago to get away from my Mother some 250 miles away, he used to say that he missed me so much, but then he would look out of the window and see the sun, and he would think about how it was shining on me wherever I was, and that made him feel better.

The old soft pudding. Miss you Dad xx

LokiTheCynicalCat Thu 16-May-13 13:41:20

My dad is quite academic. He loved to encourage us learning. He read all the bedtime stories, he used to spend hours trying to teach us the alphabet chart, bits of French ("Je voudrais un glace citron, voilà cinq francs!") He came to our school plays, our debates, our pony club events, he learned how to drive a horse trailer and fasten a head collar and feed a pony, he taught us tennis and boules and swimming.

He was really into preserving family memories of us and for us as we grew up. He used to borrow a video camera from a rental store that operated next to his office 30 years ago and used to take loads of home videos when we were kids. He took lots of his father in law, my maternal grandad too - because he was elderly and frail even then and my dad wanted to preserve his history. Dad was the family photographer, there are packets and packets of photos in his study with the contents carefully penned on them.

He cried the day my sister (the last one, the home bird) left home to move away for her first job. He volunteers for airport drops and pickups for those of us who live abroad, even though I always hire a car.

When I'm home I can call into his office - hes self-employed - and he will stop whatever he is doing to have a chat.

I know I've listed things he did or does rather than feelings etc - but the great thing about my dad is that he was interested in spending time with us, both as little people and as grownups. Individually and together. He worked and still works hard, and long hours, but we got a lot of his attention when he was home.

oldwomaninashoe Thu 16-May-13 13:40:50

My Dad has been gone for over 20 years and not a day goes by that I don't miss him. My Mother was wonderful too but I felt especially close to my Dad.
When I left school I worked as a temp in his office and it gradually dawned on me how others held him in high regard and how much he was liked and respected by those around him.
My Dad always had high ambitions for me and I always felt that I had let him down as I lurched though life in a pretty aimless way for many years.
A couple of years after his death I was talking to someone who I had never met before who it transpired had known my Dad. She said to me that he had told her how proud he was of me and what a wonderful Mother I was to my boys.
I was very touched, yes i knew he loved me, by the fact he was always "there" for me, advice, help, whatever.
Gosh I miss my Dad!

Estherbelle Thu 16-May-13 13:16:35

I couldn't ask for a better dad than mine - he is the most loyal and trustworthy person I have ever known and he's never let me down. He and my mother have been married for over 40 years and not once have I ever seen him treat her with anything but the utmost respect.

He reached the top of the tree in his profession and his colleagues spoke o highly of his integrity, but he always made time to help me with school work and take on outings at weekends, no matter how busy his work schedule was. As I got into my late teens and started going clubbing, rather than me paying through the nose for a taxi and potentially getting in dangerous situations, he used to set his alarm for 2am and drive into the city centre to come and pick me up!!

He has always encouraged me to follow my dreams, as opposed to forcing his expectations on me. If it wasn't his financial help, I wouldn't have been able to leave university with zero debt or afford a deposit to buy a house. When my fiance walked out on me when I was halfway through studying for my Masters, my Dad stepped in and financially supported me so that I could complete my qualification.

Even though I'm 34 now he still goes way beyond the call of duty to help me out, without me even having to ask. Tomorrow, for instance, he's coming round to help me sort out my garden, because he's such a skilled gardener compared to me.

It's only as an adult that I've come to realise how lucky I am in comparison to some others. It does mean I've got incredibly high standards when it comes to men though!

YoniBottsBumgina Thu 16-May-13 13:04:14

It is a bit of a mindfuck to realise though, that a figur/role like that exists in most families. A nice one smile but also makes me realise that there is in fact a gaping hole in mine. It makes sense to me too now I know the feeling of being loved and supported completely by a DP, why that would be so important from a young age and perhaps even why I made some of the relationship choices I did when I was younger. Mumsnet - better than therapy grin

YoniBottsBumgina Thu 16-May-13 12:55:25

It is Lori, that's why I started it (old name) - to see what it was like, because i never had any of this with my dad either.

OhLori Thu 16-May-13 00:44:04

Just like 'wow' at this thread and the really special relationship dads sometimes have with their daughters; I didn't have that myself (this thread is not really about that though), but its still amazing to read about.

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