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Incest between brothers and sisters

(48 Posts)
Marien65uk Thu 28-Apr-11 16:05:44

Hi first thing i would like to apologise for my english as is not my first language.
I am a single mother of 3 no by choice; my first husband died 13 years ago, and then i went on to married again 4 years ago, i got pregnant very early into the relationship, and as i started dealing with numerous issues in my life i supose due to been hormonal as other ways I am supose to be a strong person e.g eldest son is autistic second daugthers was in hospital at this time and was diagnosed with an illness that has not cure but can be controlled, similar to lupus.
And when i was nine years old i was molested by my maternal grandfather once and all this just keept coming back into my head. my then boyfriend became controlling and jelous acusing me of cheating on him with my cousin's husband (sick) he's not good at all not for my cousin never mine for me.
As became frustrated he tought i was rejecting him, but i was just tired as i was working full time as teaching assitant with autistic children, and i needed to concentrate on what i was doing in the class room.
never mind 1 nigth he just started crying and told me what has happened between him and his sister aparently she seduced him 1 nigth when he was 12 and she was 15 after he catch her nearly having sex with one of his dad workers, after that they continued to have sex for 3 years.
And at the time she left our country of origin and came to live in england and meet her husband, they got married and my ex , follow her here after 3 years i belive.
their family is very very disfunctional their mother walked out on their father and left them with him, he is a peadophile and he prefers girls between 9 an 14 i belive.
what made me feel sick is that our marriage din't last because he's very much in live with his sister and he acused me of using he's past.
But is not normal that he hasn't managed to have a normal relationship with anyone, I was the closed to normal.
I am sahring this story because, even now after 3 years that with has been separated i love him even if i preten to the rest of the world that I don't, but in top of that i woorry about our litle girl; how would this affect her when she is big enough to understand?
he see her very often but must of the time in my house as i don't fully trust him, can somebody help me please? I am on antidepressants because i was so afected by this all that i tried to commit suicide twice. I had psychotherapy and counselling but still i feel this deep sadness inside.

Marien65uk Thu 28-Apr-11 16:33:59


TheSecondComing Thu 28-Apr-11 16:36:57

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

QuelleLeJeff Thu 28-Apr-11 16:43:04

I don't even understand what you're saying which is why I haven't replied.

Are you saying that your ex had sex with his sister and is in love with his sister and their dad is a peadophile and what should you do?

Stay as far the fuck away from him and his freakshow of a family as you can. Don't tell your DD anything about it, why would you?

JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar Thu 28-Apr-11 16:46:39

What Quelle said.

electra Thu 28-Apr-11 16:55:40

Marien - I am sorry that people have been so unkind and accused you of being a 'troll'. I do believe your story - I think incest is far more common than people realise because it is still such a taboo. People don't talk about it.

In your situation I think I would try to find a good counselor. It will help you to be able to unpack what has happened to you and deal with it mentally - you say you are on anti-depressants. What has happened is not your fault and is beyond your control and of course it will have left you feeling very confused, especially when you have a child from the relationship.

JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar Thu 28-Apr-11 17:06:44

I don't blame TSC for being hmm

And Quelle has answered the question with Stay as far the fuck away from him and his freakshow of a family as you can. Don't tell your DD anything about it, why would you?

I don't think anyone is being particularly unkind.

cuteboots Thu 28-Apr-11 17:06:50

I agree with Quelle !

sorky Thu 28-Apr-11 17:10:40

Bit early for this isn't it? hmm

electra Thu 28-Apr-11 17:16:28

Jenai - the OP has already stated that English is not her first language. Why do you think her post is not believable?

Just because the situation sounds odd does not give people the right to cry troll. MN has become like this all the time lately. It's a shame.

thisisyesterday Thu 28-Apr-11 17:21:20

ffs, MN at it's worst, yet again

if you think it's a troll fucking well e-mail MNHQ.

this makes me so angry angry

Marien, I am sorry peoiple have responded like that. sometiems when people read something shocking their response is to pretend it isn't true... that's their problem, not yours and you shouoldn't let them put you off posting.

as for what you should do... I do think that it would benefit you to have more counselling/therapy so that you can come to terms with this and move on...

JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar Thu 28-Apr-11 17:28:44

I don't like trollhunting. But I think it's only fair to the OP that somebody points out that her post is a little hmm - if only to explain why she's not getting hundreds of responses.

But yes, Quelle answered the question and she is right - no need to tell the dd and keep the fuck away from the freakshow family

Hopefully someone will come along with some more constructive advice (although for the third time, Quelle has it in a nutshell).

electra Thu 28-Apr-11 17:44:58

It's not a little hmm Incest does happen but it is not talked about. I disagree that Quelle's advice is at all constructive - calling someone's family a 'freakshow' - how exactly does that help?

I'll bet there are quite a few of us who fell in love with a man who turned out to be something other that what we intially thought.

electra Thu 28-Apr-11 17:46:34

Do you not think the dd will ask about her father?? You are about as helpful as my mother who 'advised' me to tell my youngest dd that her father is dead because he walked out on us.

JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar Thu 28-Apr-11 17:55:47

It should be on a need to know basis. There is no need to tell the dd anything until she is older (assuming she is still very young). And no need to go into the kind of detail Marien has in her OP. She can cross that bridge when she comes to it.

In her situation yes I would indeed keep away from that family. And calling them a freakshow helps imo because it emphasises that they are totally fucked up. There are probably better ways of putting it - although "dysfunctional" seems insufficient.

JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar Thu 28-Apr-11 17:58:03

And yes the dd will ask about her father and his family - to which she should respond with a highly sanitised version of the truth. Hopefully someone will come along with the right words as all I can come up with is that "some very bad things happened".

electra Thu 28-Apr-11 17:59:53

It doesn't help to kind of dehumanise people either though - people are the way they are for a reason. I object to anyone being called a freak. Anyway, looks like the OP has disappeared sad

Xales Thu 28-Apr-11 18:04:38

1. Keep your daughter away from your maternal grandfather as he abused you.

2. Keep your daughter away from her paternal grandfather if he is a peadophile. Do you know this or is it just malicious rumour spread by an embittered ex?

3. Who told you he was in love with his sister? Is he in love with her romatically and sexually or does he love her as a sister loves a brother?

There is nothing you can do to help your ex partner. He probably has deep rooted issues because of what happened in the past. If he wants to deal with them he can with councelling but you cannot fix it for him.

Your daughter does not need to know any of this. Why would she? You do not enrich her life and she gains nothing from being told any of this ever.

QuelleLeJeff Thu 28-Apr-11 18:22:22

<eye roll>

Yeah, sorry I called them a freakshow, I should have said for the OP to keep her daughter away from the very damaged people.


JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar Thu 28-Apr-11 18:28:23

The thing is, Marien appears to be pining for this man. She needs to keep her and her dd well away. That's why terms like "freakshow", whilst not exactly PC, are fitting.

electra Thu 28-Apr-11 18:44:58

Well I am not surprised she is pining - I expect she's very confused. This happens to people all the time - they find out something they didn't know about someone who they thought loved them. You can't rationalise your feelings away. Imagine finding out your husband has had an affair? Awful enough - but then finding out that the person you loved is actually still in love with their sister?

The OP came here for support on how she can cope with what has happened and survive it. That's how I read it anyway.

LindsayWagner Thu 28-Apr-11 18:52:41

"I don't even understand what you're saying which is why I haven't replied."

Jesus. If you think it's a troll, why did you respond? If you don't, how dare you pour contempt on her for not speaking English very well? Contemptible.

LindsayWagner Thu 28-Apr-11 19:00:01

And those of you who leapt in to humiliate this person so early in the thread, with absolutely no real evidence of trolling - bloody hell. If you're wrong - we'll probably never know either way now - you've behaved miserably

Marien65uk Thu 28-Apr-11 19:07:55

I would like to say that, i am very gratefull for the advise and kindness of some people, the other ones that adviseme to wank myself, well.... I am not surprised at all as people find this subject very disturbing.
I never tought that i would have to go trought out this in my life, I didn't even know this kind of thinghs happened.
To the person that asked if he is in a sexual relationship with his sister? the answer is yes, nobody belives me but i have the letters and the e-mails that he wrotte tome when he left me to go and live in her house.

Marien65uk Thu 28-Apr-11 19:10:49

I don't even know what a troll is, all i know is that is very insulting, but i don't feel insulted because i know I AM TELLING YOU THE TRUE, nothingh easy my pain and i tought people would be more... I don't know perhaps understanding as I don't think I had doing anything wrong.

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