I have been with DP for 16 years and we have a DS of 10. He is not the person I first met all those years ago. He is very Jekyll and Hyde. He often tells me he loves me, always makes my lunches for work and dinner in the evening and buys me little surprises from the shops on a regular basis. However he also tells me to shut the fuck up, calls me a fucking retard or a spaz(knowing full well I hate those terms) or threatens to headbutt me during rows, will not speak to me in the mornings because he is not a morning person and I am too chirpy apparently, NEVER comes out with DS and I and spends lots of time on his X box and none with me. He has on occasion been violent - he once dragged me out of our car after a row and threw me down an embankment, I have a photos of me and Ds from when Ds was 6 months old where I have livid red handmarks on my arms and he has thrown me to the floor and kicked me before too. He blames this on the fact that he was bullied at school and because I wind him up. To complicate things he now has a degenerative back condition and is near disabled with the pain.
I am about to finish my nursing degree and am on my final placement which finishes in a few weeks and have really hit it off with one of the other male staff members. It wasn;t instant attraction but he has really grown on me over the past few weeks. He is amazing and just gets me completely. We have not done anything physically at all but we can talk for hours and regularly do because we work so closely together. We have started walking to work together from the railway station and recently started having after work drinks together once a week. He always asks to have me on his team and when we are working together I can see him always looking out for me and I do for him - it is like we naturally gravitate towards each other without intentionally doing so. When we are out he is so considerate and kind and complimentary without being sleazy. He is like my best friend already even though we have only known each other for a matter of weeks. I will not cheat on my DP for him but have been considering leaving him, getting DS and I a house together and taking our relationship further from there if he wants to. However despite our intense friendship I am concerned I am confusing attention for love. I always said to myself if I left DP it would be for someone more educated and who looks after himself a bit more as DP doesn't and I feel like his mother sometimes. Kindness, trust and friendship of course go without saying. However this man is not educated and is not bothered about grooming at all. Physically he is not my type at all and I am starting to become scared and am doubting myself. I do not want to mess this man around and always want him in my life, either as a partner or a friend but I would really like an outsider perspective. Do these things really matter? Do I really want him or is he someone who happens to be there for me in a turbulent time of my life? I was planning on moving back to Wales before I met him where my family are but now am comsidering staying in my current town even though after university all my uni friends will be moving back home too and I won't have many people left in this area at all. Am I being crazy? I am terrified and need some good advice please! Sorry if this is stupidly long
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
What on earth do I do? Advice needed please
LaLaLuLu · 20/04/2011 18:22
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