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Happy '2nd time round' Stories

(20 Posts)
SleeplessInLondon Tue 28-Dec-10 20:45:37

So ExDH and I have separated today after 13 years (his choice after I made it clear I wouldn't put up with disrespect). I'm determined to deal with this in a strong way and to realise that my life is not over at 35 (with two small DC).

I am going to take it one day at a time and try to look at it as being the next stage of my life (very brave talk on night no.1).

So it would really cheer me up tonight to hear your of anyone with a happy relationship with someone who is not the father of their DC's.

mjinsparklystockings Tue 28-Dec-10 20:49:58

Message withdrawn

SleeplessInLondon Tue 28-Dec-10 20:54:01

Mjinsparklystockings Thats a lovely story. So glad you found your DH and have such a lovely family together.

WherecanIhide Tue 28-Dec-10 21:04:16

I'm going to keep an eye on this thread

solost Tue 28-Dec-10 21:49:24

Me too!

MrsColumbo Tue 28-Dec-10 22:05:41

I definitely think you have to sift through the shit to find the gold - exH was appalling, but I fell in love with my best friend shortly after getting divorced and we've been together 12 years next month. DS1 was nearly 5 when we got together, and adores my DH; he has done from day one. DH and I really appreciate each other, having known what it's like to be truly miserable, and he's the love of my life, corny as that sounds - I don't care - I just think I'm so ruddy lucky!grin
I know what you mean when you say you regret not meeting your DP earlier, Sparkly, but I wouldn't have met DH had my life not gone in the direction it did - stuff happens for a reason, perhaps.

SleeplessInLondon Tue 28-Dec-10 22:24:42

MrsColumbo Uplifting to hear another great story. Unfortunately ExDH was a really good friend for a year or two before we got together so not sure thats likely to happen again!!! Although in fairness he was only 20 at the time. I'd probably be looking for something different these days!

<waving at Solost> have lurked on your thread since the begining. You are a legend and doing brilliantly. I don't know anyone who is separated/divorced. Fancy coming up to town for a night out sometime - I think you are not too far away.

Shodan Tue 28-Dec-10 22:41:31

I divorced XH when I was 30. Ds1 was 3 and a half.

I spent three years dating, some prats, some nice men but not right for me, broke my heart over one and learned the most important thing- how to value myself.

Then I met DH - in a nightclub. I was very drunk. My mother laways did a catsbum face at the idea of meeting anyone 'nice' in a club, but I figured I was nice, and I liked dancing, so by the law of averages there must surely be at least one 'nice' man who liked dancing too. And there he was, and fortunately for me not averse to being picked up by a slightly slurring woman.

He is 5 years younger than me, tall, dark, handsome and all the rest. He thinks of ds1 as his own- which includes the tellings-off as well as everything else- and we have ds2 (3) as well now.

I am the happiest I have ever been (including the time I spent with The One Who Broke My Heart, see above). I feel very lucky and very blessed.

follyfoot Tue 28-Dec-10 23:00:11

Hope you are doing OK sleepless

I'm a 'happy second time rounder' too. First one started out as a pillock (dont ask why I married him, I dont know) and got worse, culminating in him trying to kill myself and DD by causing a gas explosion at our house (oh and breaking my arm resulting in a bone graft, a plate and 7 screws as a little reminder).

Anyway, enough of that, fast forward to now and am very happy with DH,been together 8 years and he's really good for me. He has taken on DD as his (she refers to us as her parentS) and although its been tough from time to time, this one is for life.

I would say one word of warning though. I leapt into another relationship very quickly after the end of the first one and it was a big mistake. Should have had a bit of a breather to sort head out and get used to new life before getting into anything. After this relationship (stunningly handsome but crap as a partner for life) I had a break, and then I met DH. Really enjoyed that time to myself and think it was important in clarifying what I would want in any future partner and it was only then I was ready to have a happy relationship.

All the best smile

longdarktunnel Tue 28-Dec-10 23:45:31

Where does one meet these men? I don't know any single men at all, I don't think...nor can I imagine finding the time
or self-confidence to actually date in any sensible way...

But reassuring to know there is hope.

And, sleeplessinlondon, I too am in London, don't sleep much, and don't know any other separated/divorced people. Perhaps we should form a small but very select support group?

oldenoughtowearpurple Wed 29-Dec-10 00:11:01

After 19 years of marriage i left xdh, dcs 16 and 13. Had already met dp by then but only as a colleague/acquaintance - my friend really fancied him. He was posted to Afghanistan; I joined the huge harem of female friends who promised to write to him. We wrote for three months then he came back for two weeks r&r. Friend Who Fancied Him arranged dinner out while he was back, during which I realised I felt more than just a pen pal. We arranged an evening for just the two of us and I made my move. Next day he went back to Afghanistan. We wrote to each other for three more months then he flew back and came straight round to me still wearing his desert combats.

We are together still, three years on, madly happy, and every so often he puts on his combats and knocks on the front door... <lustful happy emoticon>

I am over 50. you've got plenty more to come.

theoldtrout01876 Wed 29-Dec-10 00:31:14

I met DH in a chatroom on yahoo,I used to go to british chatrooms cos I missed the british sense of humor.Id been casually chatting to him for 2 years,on and off,I made no secret of the fact I was married and had kids,was all above board,just a really good laugh.When I threw my exh out and he started giving me major shit,My online friend was there,supportive etc,always made me laugh,took my mind off the crap that was my life at the time.After a few months we arranged to meet as we had realized there were now feelings involved.It was AWSOME wink.The upshot is I got remarried before the ink on my divorce was really dry .Id have married him sooner but I had to import him
Weve been married almost 8 years now and have a beautiful DD together

HelenaRose Wed 29-Dec-10 12:34:12

My Mum left her abusive husband (my father) and has been in a relationship with a wonderful man for nearly fifteen years. She's in her late fifties.

SleeplessInLondon Wed 29-Dec-10 12:53:34

Shodan Great story. Maybe I need to learn to dance, but I can't even handle the thoughts of a club.

Longdarktunnel Am definately up for making some new friends (as everyone! I know is in a couple). Will pm you.

Follyfoot I read your post right before turning the light out last night and your happy ending cheered me up. Your horror story also put things into perspective and made me realise that the break down of my relationship was really NOT that bad. I have no intention of looking for another relationship any time soon. But I've spent the last couple of years sitting at home waiting for ExDH to come home (he has worked away alot) and I really feel like I need to make a life for me. Make new friends, get out etc.... Thanks for sharing, will be saving this thread.

Oldenoughtowearpurple Thanks for telling such a beautiful story. Its amazing how little things can cheer you up.

theoldtrout wow, thats impressive. I don't know anyone who has met online. Congratulations on your success story.

HelenaRose So pleased for your Mum. Thank you for telling.

follyfoot Wed 29-Dec-10 13:16:04

Sleepless, I remember something a friend said to me. 'There will be someone out there for you. I cant tell you when you will meet him, but you will meet someone who makes you happy I promise'.

She was right.

In the meantime you sound like you are getting yourself really sorted, by stopping putting your life on hold for someone else and taking control. Thats a huge step.

Second time round is hard in some ways as it takes courage to bare yourself (in every sense grin ) to someone new, but the rewards can be wonderful. My SS said this to me recently: 'I always thought the idea of soulmates was rubbish until I saw you and Dad together'.

solost Wed 29-Dec-10 22:20:07

<waves at SLEEPLESSINLONDON> Thanks! smile Deffo up for a nite out!

SleeplessInLondon Thu 30-Dec-10 08:59:41

Follyfoot that's a lovely thing to say - thanks. You must be close to your SS for him to say something so lovely.

Solost will PM you.

Lydwatt Thu 30-Dec-10 09:15:52

I'm a second time rounder! no kids from first marriage but now have two lovlies with dh2.

Meeting him showed me how different a relationship can be (like seeing in glorious technicolour after only having a black and white tv)

I think it is important to take time to find out who you are on your own. Its amazing what you can find out about yourself that you never knew (even with young kids smile). Don't live as though you are counting on meeting on someone else to be happy.

Finding a new partner can happen at the least expected times but I have also known many people find someone using internet dating. Its all down to choosing the right site, I believe.

Good luck, its an exciting time (as well as a scary one) and you will look back one day and be giving this advice to some one else...

FairyTea Sun 23-Oct-11 15:49:30


ohsored Sun 23-Oct-11 23:32:26

I met my DP on a dating site when I was a similar age to you. He's brilliant. Our kids get on like a house on fire, and we have such fun when we're with them all, and when we're on our own. It's not an effort, if you know what I mean.

I'm a smug cow every single day of the week. I can't believe you can buy this much happiness for £30.

Good luck! x

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