Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

I want to leave my husband, dont know where to start?

(14 Posts)
LeopardSkinPillBoxHat Mon 13-Dec-10 14:05:30

Hello, this may be a long 'un, Im sorry... I would be so grateful for any advice, I have nobody to talk to about this..
This sounds really awful but I cant stand my husband, Im not sure if its just a phase, but Ive felt like this for longer than 6 months.
Im not sure where to start, ..
He's only been working 2-3 days a week for the last 5 months, he's self employed, the guy who he works for is going bust by the looks of it, this happened a few years ago, luckily DH's father paid our mortgage for 4 months.. We are behind on all our bills, and mortgage etc again but rather than go and find work he sits on his butt at home in front of the computer playing games and watching TV. He wont do any DIY at all, during the time off not even if I nag him, we have soo many odd jobs on half, he refuses to complete them. What annoys me is that this work he does is really unreliable, but refuses to find a different job, his attitude is 'tough' its just how his job works? loads of work some months, no work other months!! He has been promising me to have driving lessons and pass his driving test for the last 8 years .. I just cant stand being around him anymore, even when he kisses me Im trying to wriggle away(not that it happens often)..

oh god I feel really bad for saying this, but I need to get it off my chest, he has a hygiene issue, He will only shower once a week, twice if a nag him, he never shaves, he is constantly farting, around the house and in public (he doesnt have any bowel problems) and shit's about 6 times a day and stinks the house out, he snores ridiculously loud, wont accept that he does, he has no table manners, and eat's with his mouth open, when I try to correct my dd at the dinner table for doing the same he tells her its ok... We bicker all the time, and we dont agree on anything, we have arguments everywhere we go, he's such a 'know it all' about everything, (even my family agree with me on that ) We havent has sex for more than 6 months, I dont want it. He rarely sleeps in our bed.

I know all of this is very unhealthy, and for our two young children,
I know Im no saint, and not very easy to live with at times.
Dh and I have had a few discussions about our relationship, he really doesnt seem bothered, I said last night I think we should break up, so he said 'well just fuck off then'... I dont know what to do.. I have nowhere to go, if I was to leave where do I start? I have no money or job..... I hope you dont think I sound petty, but im really unhappy and fed up of this relationship.. Thank you for reading I would be grateful for any advice.

EricNorthpolesChristmas Mon 13-Dec-10 14:18:42

You don't like him much do's not really a marriage anymore so don't feel bad about leaving him. He sounds gross. As to where you go - I believe lots of posters on here have checklists of what do do and who to call but I believe it's - see a solicitor for advice, you can sometimes get a free consultation. Is the house owned or rented? If owned then you should not move out. If you do move out then you can claim housing benefit and income support while you find your feet, and the council may assist you to find a private rented flat. Best of luck!

hairyfairylights Mon 13-Dec-10 14:20:22

It souns awful

I think you will need to get him to move out, rather than you moving out if at all possible, as you need to maintain as much stability as possible for your DCs.

How will you pay the mortgage, though?

I'd get some legal advice before doing anything drastic.

LeopardSkinPillBoxHat Mon 13-Dec-10 14:26:59

I cant afford the mortgage, I dont work Dh can barely afford it, my name isnt on the Mortgage either I have the worst credit ever, I know husband wont budge he made that quite clear last night

hairyfairylights Mon 13-Dec-10 14:31:25

I think legal advice is the way to go, then. There is a way, it might be hard, but I imagine well worth it.

Oh, and contact the land registry to register your interest in the property.

LeopardSkinPillBoxHat Mon 13-Dec-10 17:15:35

Oh lord, Ive been looking online for advice, it all seem's so confusing, legal advice? as in who? Dont solicitors cost a fortune? I cant afford that. It scares me, im completely out of my depth, Im not sure about a divorce yet.. A separation is a big enough step, gulp... will I be entilted to council accomodation if Im still married?? I just dont know what to do

WherecanIhide Mon 13-Dec-10 17:24:58

I imagine animals wash more than he does/better hygiene. Could you go to the Citizens Advise Bureaux? (sp).

LeopardSkinPillBoxHat Mon 13-Dec-10 18:05:32

yes, your probably right wherecanIhide , Im going to give them a ring in the morning, thank you

elephantsaregreen Mon 13-Dec-10 19:06:56

No advice, just wanted to say that I applaud your courage and I hope you hold on to your OP so that when your courage falters, you have something to remind you of why you are doing this.

You deserve better.

LeopardSkinPillBoxHat Mon 13-Dec-10 19:09:21

so has anybody else gone through this with their husband... Is this how you feel when you fall out of love... I cant stand him, but he is amazing with our daughters, a split will traumatise them (6 and 3)... i feel that I would be letting them down If I leave, my Dad left my mum when I was 8, (she was having an affair)... I hated my mother for it at the time, and for a long time.

LeopardSkinPillBoxHat Mon 13-Dec-10 21:24:31


NoNamesNoPackDrill Mon 13-Dec-10 23:41:43

Hi LeopardSkin

I'm not sure which way round it goes. For me I can say that I lived with DH for 26 years raising kids and doing every single thing until I was worn out.

Then I fell for someone else who was smart and sexy and suddenly my DH who had been a blurry figure at the edge of my vision sprang into focus.

Despite being intelligent and well paid he was always grubby, badly turned out, spoke with his mouth full, dribbled his food and had revolting habits I won't go into.

I thought it was just the contrast with the OM but long after the affair ended I was looking at this man and wondering how I had not noticed him before. Love is blind I think.

I left him. I couldn't stand it any more. For many reasons but once you have lost that certain something that filters out the usual male coarseness you cant get it back.

mummyto4beauties Tue 04-Nov-14 01:09:42

Hi sorry to jump in ur post but I am desperate I need to leave my husband he drinks and smokes weed and has hit me a couple of times we have 4 children age 13 10 7 and 5 they see us argue all the time the thing is im in a council property and sole tenancy is my name but I know he wont leave so I will have to with kids but I don't think I would be entitled to be rehoused if I was to leave. If I ask him to leave I know it will get really bad and im scared of him I have no friends as lost em all where ive been kept he puts me down everyday calls me names in front of kids and if I stand up for myself it can get bad then im told I push his buttons we have no money im on esa for multiple joint problems I get pip also I know its my house legally but his not gonna leave without a fight my family believe everything is rosey as if I tell them my dad would go crazy and confront my husband im at an absolute loss of what to do please can someone give me some advice on where to turn as im so depressed I even think about handing my children over to ss so they have a better life please help me a scared and depressed mum

26Point2Miles Tue 04-Nov-14 10:28:48

start a new thread of your own....this one is very old

you've got faily to help,theres hope. just put his stuff out,tell hin he's being kicked out and have your dad there to get his keys back. you can also call 101 to let them know you might need them to visit to prevent a breach of the peace

few hours of awful confrontation will be worth it

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: