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I'm not affectionate enough!

(14 Posts)
bacon Thu 09-Dec-10 11:01:42

Is it me? or has the marriage which has been based around work made me this way?

Really I cant win what with doing everything, trying to constantly please. I cant remember him being that affectionate in the past only when he wants sex. So the pressures of life, work and children hasnt given me much free time to cuddle etc. I cant remember our times together being rapped up in each others arms.

If I cuddle him or do anything affectionate it doesnt mean sex. He's gone off in a right huff this morning as I'm not giving him enough.

He had sex on the weekend which was good but it doesnt mean I want it constantly, I dont need it like him. Once a week is fine and realistic in my hetic life.

How can I change my ways? honestly just to keep the piece. I'm not fussed on being over mauled either. Yes, I do keep my distance.

God, if I get this right I'm going to be the perfect wife. We've gone through a bad patch and he is trying more now but he's far far the perfect father/husband.

RitaLynn Thu 09-Dec-10 11:26:47

Was it significant you typed "he had sex" at the weekend? Freudian slip?

bacon Thu 09-Dec-10 11:35:01

Yes, "We", typing too fast!

MrSpoc Thu 09-Dec-10 12:05:03

Hi Bacon,

I thought you were my wife for a moment then. We had a similar fall out last night and I was going to ask for advise from a womens perspective.

worthless Thu 09-Dec-10 12:06:44

bacon if you read my thread crap wife -good mother you will see that we are married to the same man!!!!!!!!!

believeyourtruth Thu 09-Dec-10 12:52:29

Has he told you that if you get the sex bit right, then you will be the perfect wife?

Or, do you say this because you know you are good in every other department, and this is all he moans about?

believeyourtruth Thu 09-Dec-10 12:54:52

Is he only interested in you being affectionate if you are going to have sex with him, but not on a friendly, day-to-day basis, because you just like to have ongoing cuddles etc here and there?

believeyourtruth Thu 09-Dec-10 13:01:59

Is it a problem that you are a reasonably affectionate person and would just like affection to be reciprocated? Does he do things/treat you nicely to help you get in the mood - eg just giving you time to yourself so you don't feel overloaded with dc and all the other demands?

Can you just discuss your differing sex drives and come up with a solution which suits you both?

believeyourtruth Thu 09-Dec-10 13:04:59

Maybe he would get more sex if he gave you a bit more support, was a bit more affectionate, helped out a bit more if you feel overloaded.

Having said that, people do have different sex drives and maybe you can reach a nice compromise which suits you both.

stickersarecurrency Thu 09-Dec-10 13:09:40

I'm not sure whether this is a problem of libido or affection - in my book they're two different things entirely - not that they can't be linked of course, but they need to be looked at independently.

bacon Thu 09-Dec-10 13:54:45

stickersarecurrency - both really but sayes I dont give basic affection. Yes, he has a high sex drive but agree that he has to see my side - I have little drive and suppose I do it for his pleasure.

believeyourtruth - In my opinion I'll be the perfect life!!!haha - not only do I do most things but I cook, all dcs, clean,iron, put away, cards, gifts, business admin, drive when we go out. My God, what more does he want from me? I dont see him making loads of effort but self employed business he does provide us with a good home.

worthless - yes, I would say great mother, crap wife. but I would also say, crap husband, passable father. Like alot of couples we have little or no free time or quality time. For all the running around I do in the evening for him to comment on his "cuddle needs" is a bit bazzar.

If I was to complain and make demands on the things he doesnt do - the list would be endless.

believeyourtruth Thu 09-Dec-10 14:02:19

You need to be more like a stepford wife, OP.grin (only joking)

worthless Thu 09-Dec-10 14:03:44

yes my husband says I dont give him affection, cuddles, kisses etc or make him feel loved......

that is because I am sick of him stuffing his hand in my knickers everytime I try!!!!

get my unconditional, no strings attached love, cuddles etc from my children........

why would I want to cuddle/have sex/kiss someone who is such an arse?????

Maybe, just maybe you don't want a physical/sexual/cuddly/kissy relationship with your husband at the moment because of how you are feeling about your relationship with him. It is difficult to feel those feelings when you are angry, resentful and hurt.....

SARAHWESTON Mon 21-Dec-15 11:01:24

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

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