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I know it's only Tuesday but some advice on Orgasms

(57 Posts)
abitembarrased Tue 16-Nov-10 15:37:23

Ok, name changed for obvious reasons. I'm 43 and have had a happy and fullfilling sex life with my DH of 20 years, but have never had an orgasm before (apart from one once which I had whilst in a dream and which was so strong it woke me up.)

Prompted by some threads on here I decided to take charge of things myself and bought myself something.

I have been experimenting with it for a week or two and have managed to come a couple of times. However it normally lasts for 2 or 3 pulses and then it is too sensitive to continue.

Not being very experienced - (my DH is my only partner), is this it or should it last longer? The one in my dream seemed to last a lot longer - 10 or twelve pulses. If I continue with it, would I come again, or is the sensitivity a way of getting me to stop? I'm not sure if I'm pulling back just at the point it starts to get interesting.

Sorry to have name changed but I'm not very forthright about such matters, and if my DH read this, I don't want him to think that I'm unhappy with our sex life, I just want to get as much out of it as I can.

babyicebean Tue 16-Nov-10 21:26:14

Have sent you a message but also try looking at as the company is linked with lovehoney.

cowboylover Tue 16-Nov-10 21:37:27

I love my toys but they have to be used the the right way to make the most out of it!
I agree direct stimulation is usually way to much for me.

Relax and find a good comfy position also so you can feel sexy! I find that I need to be in the right head space so I can relax and not think about anything else.

For me and I know its different for everyone but I like to get close and then stop and then to it again for as many times as I can! Makes it more intense but the killer for me is thinking about it.

Enjoy grin

abitembarrased Tue 16-Nov-10 21:50:58

Thanks everyone, Give me a week to experiment with my new toys and I'll be back with a verdict! Can't believe I've waited so long before plucking up the courage to experiment.

babyicebean Tue 16-Nov-10 22:45:11

Use lots of lube as well or things may be uncomfy.

ThatVikRinA22 Tue 16-Nov-10 23:05:26

try a vibrating cock ring - lovehoney sell one with a bullet vibe. you can use this with your partner.

oh yeah baby.

just damn those fiddly little batteries that die soooo quick....

SlightlyJaded Tue 16-Nov-10 23:32:10

Two words. Shower Head

You fon't have to buy anything embarrasing, you are in private by default, and you can adjust the pressure to suit your needs.

Just keep trying different things in different ways and you will find out what works best for you.

Have fun grin

SurreyAmazon Tue 16-Nov-10 23:54:38

If you are lucky enough to experience multiple O's then you can try again even with the sensitity. If not, wait till it subsides then try again. I have a feeling they will get stronger with time.

As for the sex dream, I know why it was so strong and powerful, but depending on your spiritual belief system, it might disturb you so I won't go into it. Google if you are really interested in finding out more. Key words would be 'astral' or 'incubus'.


SlightlyJaded Wed 17-Nov-10 00:02:44

Amazon have just googled Astral sex dream incubus, but didn't understand a word of it?

Frizzbonce Wed 17-Nov-10 00:23:10

I found that my orgasms became more powerful when I used a little bit of Tiger Balm as a lube. Rub a little between your fingers to warm up and apply directly to your clitoris. It creates this marvellous tingling hot/cold sensation and I find I come really quickly.

A lot of expensive lubes contain a small amount of tiger balm but you can buy the real thing at any major chemist.

Have a go with your balmed fingers too - I've had several non-batteried orgasms that way!

IfGraceAsks Wed 17-Nov-10 00:23:16

Off on a wild tangent here ... SA, I know what you're on about and it happened to me once! Long story behind it - I'll never forget, but hope it never happens again. Anyway - back to more earthly matters, OP. Forgive me if my suggestion is superflous, but have you checked that you know about your clitoris?

Most people assume it's just the tip at the end, but it's actually the same size as a penis (it basically is one, lying on a sideways angle). More steady, rhythmic attention to the whole organ can lead to a build-up of sensation, whereas diving straight onto the tip sometimes feels a bit scary - much as it would if you ignored the length of a man's penis and went straight for the sensitive end. I don't know anything about using a rabbit - is there a way to get it working on the whole area rather than just the two points? Maybe use the long bit in amongst the labia to see how that feels?
[blushes slightly]

matthew2002smum Wed 17-Nov-10 00:38:13

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SurreyAmazon Wed 17-Nov-10 01:06:41

SJaded, no worries, it's not easy to understand if you are new to it. In a nutshell, when we sleep, our 'soul' in your etheric body to astral realm.

Eh, how to summarise the astral without misleading you; we have a physical body, which houses the soul but we also have an outer body 'the etheric'one hence the reason why can see ghosts and the reason people have outer body experiences.

So you go to bed, your soul goes off to the astral realm. There are several realms, and depending on how 'evolved' for lack of a better word your soul is, you will travel to one. Anyway, this is where we get people having sex with entities again, for lack of a better word. The experience is usually so vivid, real and often times, the best orgasm that men ejaculate (hence wet dreams) while women orgasm (or squirt if you have this ability), wake up to find themselves moaning and their clitoris throbbing etc.

Christians call these entities 'demons', specifically, the female ones are succubis, while male ones are incubus.

Its much more complex than this, and how well it will sit with you depends on how your beliefs on sex, as opposed to how the ancients viewed it; its purpose etc before Christianity came along demonised it. To wit, a 'whore' once meant an independent woman who shunned marriage and was actually respected for it.



Frizzbonce Wed 17-Nov-10 10:02:26

SurreyAmazon - wow - that's really interesting. Typical that Christianity demonised it though.

And such a shame that the vagina in general is still viewed as something a bit . . . not exactly shameful but hardly celebrated. It appals me that those vile 'intimate freshness' wipes and washes are available - making girls paranoid. You don't have a similar product for men do you? Try new SkidGon. It keeps those jocks lemon fresh!

loopylou6 Wed 17-Nov-10 10:28:48

Wow ss that is one of the most amazing things I've ever read, its happened to me a few times shock

SlightlyJaded Wed 17-Nov-10 11:01:11

SA that is really interesting. I have nearly come in my sleep many times but always woken up just before I do. And strangely almost immediately lost the urge. I love hearing about different theories and ideas - thank you for the summary.

HeavenForfend Wed 17-Nov-10 11:07:26

Book-wise, you can buy from this site so as not to affect your Amazon recommendations. Most of the books produced by this publisher are aimed at women - plenty to browse and something for all tastes.

jenisurvivor Wed 17-Nov-10 11:11:24

You can buy something called a 'Tingle Tip' attachment for your electric toothrush, that works, sold on Amazon check it out. At least not dependant on batteries.

BertieBotts Wed 17-Nov-10 12:05:45

Interesting SA. I have had "sleep orgasms" a few times but I wouldn't necessarily describe it as being the best I've experienced, also the dream I'm having at the time is quite often completely irrelevant - once I was buying pick n mix fom asda grin

gailforce1 Wed 17-Nov-10 20:22:10

Interesting article in the Sunday Times Style magazine 14th November (sorry I don't have the IT skills to link) about female orgasm, why women "fake it" and how psychotherapist Mary Clegg helps women who are having problems.
Also a lot of interesting info on where there are vibrators which heat up and are not the usual phallic shape! Reviews seem good and I wonder if anyone has tried them?

CheerfulV Wed 17-Nov-10 20:43:28

SA, that's fascinating, thanks for that. I share the beliefs about the etheric etc, but hadn't heard of the idea of an incubus. Or rather, I had a bit, but not using that name, and not in terms of sleep, but only with wakeful people.
I've almost come in sleep but can never quite get there, and it fades when I wake up. Bah grin

OP, there is a bullet with a tapered tip, I used to have one and it got lost in a house move I also now have the Tracy Cox bullet vibe, which has a rounded/square-ish end.
The taped bullet was by far the best, because it was possible to snuggle it to one side as it were and still experience intense, long lasting orgasms. You can kind of nudge it nearer or further away from your clitoris without it slipping out of the way at the crucial moment, something the Tracy Cox bullet does a lot and it can be annoying.
Highly recommended. And I find rabbits too intense personally, either that or not intense enough.
Buy lots of sex toys so you can experiment! wink

SurreyAmazon Thu 18-Nov-10 01:14:36

Heh Asda mix grin@ BertieBotts

@ CheerfulV – I hope it will happen one day for you.

@ SlightlyJaded – Happy to share!

@ Frizzbonce – This and all the other good stuff. *sigh *

@ IfGraceAsks - I understand re; never wanting it to happen again. It can be an unsettling experience.

Ealingkate Thu 18-Nov-10 13:13:57


Bumperlicious Thu 18-Nov-10 13:43:20

Not much to add here except to say that like the op i find orgasms that i have in my sleep are by far the most powerful that i have. not sure why, maybe it's lack of inhibition or i'm not being distracted worrying about dh or what i'm going to cook for dinner!

abitembarrased Fri 19-Nov-10 21:14:43

My new toys all arrived in the post today. But guess who forgot to buy batteries!!!

AnotherMumOnHere Fri 19-Nov-10 21:22:32

Well abitembarrased if we dont get any further posts for the next few days we will know what you are up to winkgrin Have a good one. ROFL.

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