Talk

Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

The 'im fed up of being single' but online dating is crap thread

(78 Posts)
singlegirlchallenge Wed 29-Sep-10 11:01:45

Online dating is crap. Today i have deleted my profile off all sites i was registered on.
After online dating for 18 months i am still without anyone even vaguley interesting.

Instead im going to just see what happens. I do not happen to meet many men in my day to day life ( read, i dont meet any)

But im attempting to going back to basics, trying to go to the pub for a drink, or talking to people in the park.

Anyone want to join me and a real life attempt to meet men? ( or knows where any nice ones are hiding?)

AttackedbyNinjaPeas Wed 29-Sep-10 11:07:12

I haven't even tried internet dating really. Registered on one site, and had a couple of emails but just felt really uncomfortable and cringy about the whole thing. Decided it wasn't for me and I'd rather meet people IRL.

I am also trying to get out more, went out a few weeks ago and got some attention (and a snog) which was good for the ego smile

singlegirlchallenge Wed 29-Sep-10 11:11:06

ooooh. where did you go??? and how did that happen?

I think online dating is really false really. You chat or reject people pretty much based on looks and a first message. Then you have to meet up in a really false 'date' situation, having never met before. Ive decided its really not me at all. But i also know i dont get out that much. And if i do i suspect i give off very closed off body language. So i think i need to work on that.

AttackedbyNinjaPeas Wed 29-Sep-10 11:23:32

Erm well I saw on facebook a couple of people I vaguely knew were planning a night out so invited myself along blush. Just went out in town, got very very drunk and ended up snogging on the dancefloor blush blush Had been chatted up earlier in the night by someone who seemed really nice but I was too sober/self conscious/shy to talk to him properly. Don't think drunken snogs are the way to go though so next time I aim to be more open to chatting to people and less embarrassed about what the people I am with think!

BrassicaBabe Wed 29-Sep-10 11:25:20

I met my DH via internet dating grin

Can I suggest you avoid the mainstream sites and head to one relating to your interests? Experience and talking to others tells me that the main stream sites are littered with married men and other players. hmm There are dating sites for religious beliefs, outdoor pursuits, dogs, cats, specific occupations etc etc. You are more likely to meet someone like-minded.

Anyway, worked for me.

Have fun with RL dating too grin

conkie Wed 29-Sep-10 11:34:57

I met my husband through internet datingso it can happen. We have been married 3 years and have a son now. There are some weirdo's out there but don't give up hope. I went on initially for a laugh until I met DH

Pixie83 Wed 29-Sep-10 12:53:10

I'm a smug married, but just wanted to say I'm a firm believer that the best way to find 'the one' is to just concentrate on making your social life better, ie joining clubs, groups, college courses, whatever, and going out socially with friends as much as possible.

Surely that's the best way of meeting someone who you might really have something in common with, and best of all, you will know straight off that he has enough social skills and enough of a life to be out there, living it, rather than sitting on his own every evening in front of a computer! BTW I'm sure there are plenty of nice, normal people who have met through the internet, so please dont't all attack me!

glasscompletelybroken Wed 29-Sep-10 13:06:26

I think in real life dating you "You chat or reject people pretty much based on looks" and first impressions generally, so think on-line dating is no different.
I met my DH on the internet but I didn't have a photo on my profile - we chatted for a bit on line then spoke lots on the phone and got on so well he took a chance anyway!
My Mum & Dad were pen-friends for a while before they met (my dad was abroad with the RAF) - internet dating is just the modern equivalent. They have just celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary so it worked for them!

singlegirlchallenge Wed 29-Sep-10 13:55:52

hmmm. i think thats more than lucky though really.

I know there are a few it is sucessful for, but its certainly not working for me.

Pixie - i was once a smug married. I never had a problem meeting men before. But going out and getting out there is a lot easier when you are younger and childfree than when you are a bit older, and juggling work, housework, children etc... Plus it is so very difficult to get people together to go out with. Friends in couples dont usually want to go out and i dont know anyone single the same age as me.

Pixie83 Wed 29-Sep-10 14:08:49

singlegirlchallenge fair point, although I wasn't particularly young when I got married, and I already had a child. When I was newly single I started retraining at college, and got a new network of friends through that and met a couple of people that way. There also used to be a single parents network (online) where I was living at the time, and we used to go out every Friday night (if we could get babysitters) and that's how I eventually met my DH. I do think maybe joining online clubs to find friends for nights out is probably just as productive, or more so, than trying to find a man 'online' directly.

garageflower Wed 29-Sep-10 14:15:42

I've just joined up to one of the main free ones, so I'm not holding out much hope (although I'm not taking it that seriously right now). When I'm ready, I may move onto one of the paid for sites.

Most of the men that have emailed me seem nice enough and one, in particular seems to have loads in common with me, but I'll be cynical for a while yet!

MooMooFarm Wed 29-Sep-10 14:23:59

A (single) friend of mine uses dating sites; she has been talking to this man lately who she thought had potential - they both got a bit tiddly online a couple of weeks ago and got a bit hot and heavy with the flirting IYKWIM. She'd seen his pic and thought he looked quite nice, and had sent him hers.

Anyway, this carried on until last week when she bumped into him in the school playground with his wife - true story

singlegirlchallenge Wed 29-Sep-10 14:53:20

moo- how awful

I think thats the thing with online dating as well. its just a minefield.

im sure there are plenty of married people on there, or ones who are in long term relationships.

there are lots of losers and ones who just want a shag.

i think you need to be really really thick skinned. after 18 months or so of it, ive just lost my patience.

poshsinglemum Wed 29-Sep-10 17:56:50

I'm with you all on this one. You might remember my recent thred ''My date has cancelled on me AGAIN!''. I'm staying on match till Christmas then giving it a rest. I think I'd rather spend the money in the pub tbh. But it's hard to meet men that way too isn't it? Lets face it; it's just hard to meet men in general who are single AND decent.

MaMoTTaT Wed 29-Sep-10 18:02:46

LAst man that chatted me up in a pub admitted a little while into the conversation that he was married with a kid at home "but don't let that put you off">

I have to confess I slapped him round the face and called him a cheating bastard blush

scottishmummy Wed 29-Sep-10 18:10:21

my friend met hwe dh on a relationship site.she works predominately female job, and he works all male.so they never met anyone at work.pals all partnered up and she not keen on pub/club.so fortunately worked out for them

greeneyes747 Thu 30-Sep-10 22:23:09

Singlegirlchallenge I know just how you feel - had a look on internet dating sites, signed up to one, went on one date then decided it just wasn't for me. moomoofarm's story - shock

I think you can't get "the spark" as easily when it's a photo or just talking (those who have found True Love this way might disagree!).

I didn't have any problems meeting men pre-marriage / kids either, but now it's much harder and I just don't seem to go to places with single men any more! All of my friends are in couples so it's difficult.

I've got a huge crush on a work colleague but 2 problems - 1. He's 9 years younger than me and 2 I'm his boss. Probably not a good idea, but I feel like I'm 16 again... winkI've not done anything about it, but I keep imagining that I will and that he feels the same...

aurynne Thu 30-Sep-10 22:40:20

singlegirlchallenge, I too was online dating for about a year some time ago. I ended up absolutely fed up with whingers, bullies, guys who showed interest and then disappeared, sex-crazes and plain weirdos. I also deleted my accounts and decided to enjoy being single.

One month later my now DP just walked into my office at work and asked if I could translate some company leaflets for him (I am Spanish and had offered my company to translate stuff for their South American deals). Neither of us had met the other before. Fast forward 2 years and we have bought a house together and are thinking about tying the knot

Life is full of surprises, and the best ones happen when you least expect them!

BEAUTlFUL Thu 30-Sep-10 23:50:58

I'll take your challenge, singlegirl! I've just about had it with the funny, charming twats I've been meeting online.

I get every other weekend free so I have time to get out there, I will try everything and report back as I do.

singlegirlchallenge Fri 01-Oct-10 09:09:06

yay beautiful! fantastic. Please do report back anything, good or bad or whatever.

aurynne, yeah ots the ones you chat tyo for a while who then just disappear that bug me. Like you send a few emails, move onto msn, then contact you loads for about 2 weeks and then for no reason just disappear.

poshsinglemum - please report back as well.

In fact anyone, please report back!!!

Ive got a girls night on at the end of the month and only one childfree weekend in that time. I think im going to take the dog for a walk in a different park at about lunchtime. You know, there could just be other nice men walking dogs???
and then have a cinema trip on my own. With maybe nattering to people in the queue or something.

BenHer Fri 01-Oct-10 10:44:05

As a bloke I have to say that my experience has been and continues to be very positive.For me the key is to speak on the phone quite quickly and then establish you are both singing from the same hymn sheet.

BEAUTlFUL Fri 01-Oct-10 13:29:40

lovely singlegirl -- a cinema trip by yourself has to be the worst way to meet men I've ever heard! Can you not find one friend to go out, to a bar or a pub or something? Go speed-dating, or to a singles party, or for dinner by yourself in a lively bar (sit up at the bar and chat to people)...

singlegirlchallege Fri 01-Oct-10 14:46:36

I know. lol.

But i want to go see 'eat, pray. love.

Im rather low on the single friend front. Everyone is married, noone will ever come out with me, they would rather stay in and see their husband and watch xfactor.

Any new people i meet,( at school usually) are married.

I dont know one single person, if i did i would of course go out with them

It just kind of makes my meeting men thing all the more difficult.

AttackedbyNinjaPeas Fri 01-Oct-10 16:51:40

I am going to go on a real life date shock

DD's best friend took her uncle to school today for her VIP day (where they tell the rest of the class all about themselves) and her mum did a bit of matchmaking grin

jameelaq Fri 01-Oct-10 16:57:57

Brassicababe. Are there really dating sites for people who like cats? Really the level to which humanity can stoop really never ceases to amaze me. Now if there were dating sites for people who hate cats, that would be more like it

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now