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What to do

(17 Posts)
tillywee Mon 16-Aug-10 18:47:56

Hello Mnetters

Okay....bit of a problem all advice welcomed.

DC's have a couple of friends(who are sisters), they have been at our house most days for the last week and a half - turning up at 9.30 and being here all day.

Yesterday they turned up at 5.00 and stayed til 7.00 (I said they had to go home...stupid DH let them in) when I took Dc's to bed 5 of the bed slatts had been knocked out because the two girls had been jumping on the bed (DH told them to stop) and a few other things have happened...they have been physicaly aggressive to DS's.

They only go home to eat at dinner time and I'm not kidding you, they are getting the DC's to ask me if they can have snacks, dinner etc every bloody hour. We are a big family and really can't afford to feed these kids - we have no fruit, crisps etc left in the house now.

To be frank their mum doesn't seem to give a flying arse where they are...if they are being fed. I am tired of being a babysitter all day every day, they just turn up at the house with nobody adult with them.
For example the other day I didn't even know they were here until one of them walked into the kitchen.

They helped themselves to apples from the fridge on thursday and DS told me today that they were looking in the freezer (it's in the shed) to see what they could have.

I spoke to my bessie mate today and she thinks that it's disgraceful neglect so I really want some other views and help with how to get rid of them....I know that sounds awful but I have enough to deal with with my own kids and really can't feed extra kids every day.

The DC's go to the same school as them and we live in the same place so as you can see it needs to be handled carefully.

Thanks for reading and replying

tillywee Mon 16-Aug-10 18:48:16

Shameless bump

PfftTheMagicDragon Mon 16-Aug-10 18:50:57

shock

Depends how old they are. If they are old enough to be out on the streets looking after each other then I would lock all the doors and ignore them, or go out. If they would be likely to take the hint. Or you need to say to them at the door taht you are busy and they can't come in.

If they are smaller, then I think you need to speak to the mother.

piratecat Mon 16-Aug-10 18:52:55

you have to put your foot down and say, sorry you can't come to play today.

and again, and say, we are having lunch now, you will have to go home for yours.

re the parents of the girls, i really don't know, but it would be a start if you didn't let them in. how old are they btw?

GypsyMoth Mon 16-Aug-10 18:53:50

just say 'no,not today'.....why cant you send them back home?

nobody is forcing them on you.....you can just not let them in

atswimtwolengths Mon 16-Aug-10 18:56:04

I wondered whether your children liked these girls, then read that the girls were aggressive towards them.

I've had similar situations, where I've thought the mothers of the children are happy to get rid of them for the day, but I've felt like an unpaid childminder. I've also had the problem of them wanting food non-stop.

If your children want to put a stop to this, it's a bit easier. Tell them only you are allowed to open the door - you can then say that your children can't play today. I think, to be honest, the 'guests' would be pretty persistent as they'll know your children are in.

You could say that they can all play in the garden but nobody's allowed in your house.

You could buy really horrible biscuits and hide everything else. I think it's disgraceful that these children are helping themselves to food. If you buy some biscuits nobody would really want and say that's the only option, then you might wean them off it, but you would have to hide all your nice food and that's often unrealistic.

I just wish parents would realise what a pain their children are. Or maybe they do realise and that's why they want them out of their own house.

expatinscotland Mon 16-Aug-10 18:56:36

We had this happening and I had to turn the kids out at meal times. Because we can't afford to feed them. So I'd tell them that, too. 'Sorry, you have to go home, things are tight and there's not enough food for everyone just now.'

DuelingFanjo Mon 16-Aug-10 18:57:15

I agree, you should just say 'oh you can't play today, sorry' and shut the door.

tillywee Mon 16-Aug-10 19:16:15

They are 7

their mum is on her own

ilovetiffany....because they come back every hour on the hour and won't go away.

The kids do like them so it is harder...but I'm not willing to be an unpaid minder...they have only just gone 10 mins ago

Is this horrid neglect or just shit parental behavior?

If I refuse them food they just ask and ask....I have to handle it carefully for the sake of peace

GypsyMoth Mon 16-Aug-10 19:22:24

whats their mum being on her own got to do with it tho??

expatinscotland Mon 16-Aug-10 19:27:26

doesn't matter if she's on her own. you're not unpaid childcare or a free supermarket.

tillywee Mon 16-Aug-10 19:32:35

Because someone asked about their parents and that is the answer...no need to get arsy about it.

Yeah I know it...I feel sorry for the kids but at the end of the day it's not my problem.

thesunshinesbrightly Mon 16-Aug-10 19:35:31

I used to have this all the time, the kids used to look in cuboards,fridge,drawers for food till i had to put my foot down they used to come early hours and had to tell them to go home and asked 'why' argh!! anyway found my solution - I moved.

DuelingFanjo Mon 16-Aug-10 19:39:14

once you start turnin gthem away they will stop coming on the hour every hour.

ChasingSquirrels Mon 16-Aug-10 19:43:42

I say "no", and expand on it if necessary and give a time when my dc's can play with them.

I would go fairly ape if I i) found a spare child in the house that I didn't know had been invited in (at this age anyway, not with teens) and ii) I found a child who wan't mine looking for food (unless it was lead my child).
In case of i it would be my dc who would be explaining, but in the case of ii then the child would be told in no uncertain terms that it was not acceptable for them to just take food in my house.

thesunshinesbrightly Mon 16-Aug-10 19:44:36

tillywee - I really get how you feel and i found it quite stressful like i had to look for excuses when actually i never needed oneblush

Your going to have to turn them away.

tillywee Mon 16-Aug-10 19:58:39

I did go mad....I think it was also shock at such behaviour, none of their other friends behave like this.

thesunshinesbrightly - it is bloody stressful, like you said I shouldn't have to make excuses but you end up doing it.

I feel like a misery but i'm not,they have other friends round and it is all fine

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