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Told DP I'm leaving

(7 Posts)
floppops Thu 12-Aug-10 11:57:19

On Monday after staying up all night thinking I made the decision to move out to my mums with our 7 month old DD for a few months.
DP was diagonosed with Bipolar2 a couple of months ago following a complete breakdown and manic episodes when DD was a few weeks old. DP was drinking and doing a lot of cocaine in the house,having manic episodes, staying in bed all day, aggressive etc.
He now has stopped the drinking and cocaine and is having treatment to stop smoking cannabis. He then can have therapy for the bipolar.
We haven't been living as a couple since DD was a few weeks old. I have been struggling through to bring up our DD and manage the trauma caused by his behaviour for months. There are daily arguments and he says I am torturing him,punishing him,that I'm unreasonable etc.
He says I should stay to help him as I am the mother of his child.
I have said I want him to spend as much time as he can with us or DD when I have moved out. We are also starting couples counselling soon. It has taken ages for him to be able to commit to that.
I am confused now though as since I have told him on Monday he has done a complete turn around and is acting calm and trying to help with DD.He is trying to persuade me to stay.I don't know whether this behaviour can last.I am fed up of all the mood swings and never knowing what kind of a day or hour even it will be.I just want some peace and stability and some time to breathe.

SirBoobAlot Thu 12-Aug-10 12:01:39

I feel for you Of course you don't have to stay - I doubt anyone would want to. But it might be good for you (as he will, hopefully, be involved with your DD for the rest of her life) to understand some more about the condition, if only so you can know that you're not to blame for things, and to counteract his claims you are.

I hope you're okay.

Flisspaps Thu 12-Aug-10 12:08:40


You do not need to stay to help him because you are the mother of his child. I think you need some time away from him - he's blaming you for his behaviour (saying you're unreasonable etc) and it's NOT your fault, it's his. He'll be all sweetness and light for a bit, then revert to his old behaviour again. If he was serious about wanting to change then he would have agreed to couples counselling sooner. Is he worried that the counsellor is going to make him take responsibility for his own feelings rather than blaming you for 'torturing' him?

Go to your mum's, get the peace and stability you AND your DD need. If DP sorts himself out and gets off the cannabis and gets treatment for his Bipolar (which the cannabis can't be helping) and does go to couples counselling and shows that he really is willing to change, then you can think about going back.

But for now, think about you and your lovely DD - she doesn't need to be in a house where Mummy is sad - and certainly not if DP is smoking cannabis in the house and there are arguments happening every day.

Flisspaps Thu 12-Aug-10 12:13:17

And please don't think I'm saying 'go' because he has Bipolar, I am not, I am saying go because he's just not being particularly nice to you, and I don't think anyone should put up with that.

Going to your Mum's might actually show him that you're serious about him needing to go through with the counselling.

floppops Thu 12-Aug-10 12:53:52

Yes Flisspaps I agree. He is starting to make me feel responsible for him. He could of agreed to couples counselling earlier. And of course I would like to be a family if that is possible in the future.
Have to say he doesn't smoke in the house at least. He smokes in the park-doesn't even go to the entrance 5 minutes away,he always climbs over the fence in clear view of all the neighbours to see.
Think you're right about the counselling too. I'm sure he would be worried what they might say.

Lemonylemon Thu 12-Aug-10 15:17:30

"He says I should stay to help him as I am the mother of his child."

No you don't. You need a fairly calm environment with a young child. Think about you and your DD. He can take care of himself, bi-polar or not.

hairytriangle Thu 12-Aug-10 18:20:06

Personally I wouldn't stay. But that's because it took me a very long time to leave a man with exactly that illness and those behaviours. It is very very hard to support someone so volatile. Stay seperate until he's had treatment and been stable for at least twelve months.

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