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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Help regarding a mobile number - possible adultery

115 replies

panicandanxiety · 06/08/2010 23:06

I have discovered that soon to be exDH has text 1 mobile number an alarming amount.

I have the number of the OW - is there anyway to find out who a mobile number belongs to? He won't be honest and I would like to know who the OW is (in case I know her etc). I would be willing to pay to find out. DH has moved out after being confronted with evidence and said he hadn't loved me for years. Although I have asked him if he still loved prior to getting evidence of his text affair - he said I was imagining things and of course he loved me. I don't blame her I know I was married to (and betrayed by) him, but I would like to know who she is and if possible where she lives. DH says she is a married woman and I think her husband should know what she has been doing. He wouldn't tell me where she lives, but has told me knows the area that she lives in although he denies that he ever met her.

OP posts:

Report

ecumenist · 06/08/2010 23:42

Just ring the number and ask. I have spoken to the OW in my DHs life to let her know that I knew and what I felt (I tried not to be abusive - kept to the moral high ground). Her husband does not know either(she also has two children) and although tempted to tell him, I don't want to be a homebreaker or be the messenger that gets shot. Think carefully about taking such an action. The happiness and wellbeing of others may well be threatened by hasty action. However, do have the courage to phone and find out the truth for yourself, you clearly have a need to know.

whatwherehow · 06/08/2010 23:44

Just ring the number. It may be the only way you find out.

stripeyknickersspottysocks · 06/08/2010 23:46

Try googling the number? No idea if it would work but if the phone number is o na website somewhere next to the person's name it may work.

quaere · 06/08/2010 23:47

All you can do is ring the number, I don't think there's any other way of finding out

QS · 06/08/2010 23:48

google the number

QS · 06/08/2010 23:49

x post

MmeLindt · 06/08/2010 23:55

Ring the number or google it, find out if you must but leave the OW's husband out of it.

panicandanxiety · 07/08/2010 00:26

Thank you for the responses. I did ring and leave a message and I have text the number too.

OP posts:

panicandanxiety · 07/08/2010 00:27

I tried googling too but there was no hit.

OP posts:

HecateQueenOfWitches · 07/08/2010 07:38

Your husband has left you, yes? I am very sorry about that. It is too painful right now, but in time you will come to see that it is better to be by yourself than with someone who doesn't 100% want to be with you.

When you contact the other woman - What do you think will come of that? She may tell you lots of detail and answer your questions or she may be rude, shout, or even laugh at you! You just don't know. She's very unlikely to tell you where she lives or let you speak to her husband! If you know her then what will you do?

Again, I am so sorry that your husband has left. It's easy to say, from the outside, that it's better that than be with someone, blissfully unaware of their true feelings. But it's true.

whatdoesntkillyou · 07/08/2010 08:58

If you really really feel you need to know who she is,(which as others have said may not be a good idea but is totally understandable, could you appeal to EXH to come clean?

Tell him you need to know who she is for your own sanity. Tell him you intend to find out anyway and will be calling the mobile phone number until you get a response.

He may decide to come clean rather than have you contacting OW yourself........

littlecritter · 07/08/2010 14:19

I fully understand your need for the truth. I discovered evidence of an OW who was masquerading as a family friend. Finding out details and timelines helps to make sense of it all and understand that you are not going mad after all. Also, secrecy is one of the things that fuels these illicit liasons. Many fall by the wayside when the truth comes out. So your H is unlikely to give you any further details.

I still haven't got the full truth out of my XP so sympathise totally with you. I thought about hiring a private detective but decided I had better things to spend my money on like ME. But I haven't given up hope of finding out more details.

panicandanxiety · 07/08/2010 20:44

I have tried to speak to soon to be ex-DH and he just said 'draw a line under it'. I am not hoping to get the truth from the other woman. He strangely had his sat nav in our family car so I think if I find out her address I could possibly work out if he has been to meet her (there are just so many addresses on there as he has used it for work and there doesn't seem to be a way to find out what date he went to each address). I would also let her husband know as I hate that I have been decieved and feel that I should make him aware.

There are lots of private investigators advertised on the internet in the UK who say they will try to trace the address of an individual from a mobile number for about £125 (and if they can't then you get a refund), so I am considering doing that at the moment.

OP posts:

bubbles4 · 07/08/2010 20:51

I t may be worth trying,I dont know if it is any good for mobile numbers but have ised it for landline numbers.

bubbles4 · 07/08/2010 20:52

whocallsme.com/

HinnyPet · 07/08/2010 21:01

My lovely, lovely pal has just had this with her hubby. She's got the first few numbers of the OW mobile and the last 3, anyway she could find out who the OW is?

Karmamama01 · 08/08/2010 20:31

no, just call the number from a different number that you use and pretend to be a cold caller or have got the wrong number. THey will either answer or you will get a voice message.

Either way this does not prove anything.

purplepeony · 08/08/2010 20:36

I think it would be really cruel of you to tell the OW's husband. You have no idea what he knows already- he may know or he may have flings as well.
What have you to gain by upsetting another marriage? It won't bring your DH back. Your anger should be totally directed at your DH, not the OW. There is no knowing what tale he spun her.

panicandanxiety · 08/08/2010 22:00

Thank you for all the replies.

I think it would be cruel to leave the OW's husband not knowing but each to their own.

OP posts:

kittya · 08/08/2010 22:40

but you dont know their situation. Do you know who she is? My friend rang the OW husband and he already knew infact it made my friend feel worse about the whole situation because she learnt from him that it had been going on for months and that the OW had well left her husband. Just be prepared to hear things that you might not want to. Be very careful, they could have an open marriage or anything.

Jux · 08/08/2010 22:55

Walk away dear, walk away. Two wrongs don't make a right. Worry about your own relationship (ex-relationship) certainly, but her's is none of your business.

purplepeony · 08/08/2010 23:02

OP- why do you think it would be cruel not to tell him about his wife and your DH?

For starters you are assuming you'll get to talk to him, or find an address.

This has nothing to do with being kind to him; it has everything to do with you seeking revenge on the OW and making her pay, by telling her DH.

Why would you want to make another person ( her DH) unhappy? And, for all you know, she might have his blessing to live her own life.

You need to be honest with yourself about your motives.

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franklampoon · 08/08/2010 23:20

Very cruel to seek out and tell her husband

kittya · 08/08/2010 23:25

I agree. Chances are he already knows. You are not even sure that it was an affair so could really make a fool of yourself. I would leave well alone and dont play god.

mamatomany · 09/08/2010 00:01

My friends husband had an affair ten years ago, she still regrets not punching the OW in the face three times, once for each of the children's lives she ruined.

I would most definitely tell the OW's husband at the very least why does she get to carry on as if nothing has happened, the moral high ground doesn't get you very far from what I've seen.

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