Should I buy this house?!

[CJCregg]

Putting this in Property but it's really more of an emotional thing ...

So, split with ExDH last year, moved into sweet but tiny cottage in the same village, really near DCs school and friends. Rent is costing a fortune, and I'd like to move back into the nearby town (5 minutes away) as the village gossip atmosphere is getting to me and I prefer the buzz of a town anyway.

I have a limited budget. I know I'm not going to get the house of my dream with this - I need somewhere practical for me and the DCs, and the houses I really want are out of my price range, or really small and cramped.

Found a house today which ticks lots of boxes - quiet road, reasonable garden, right number of bedrooms, enough space for DCs to play, big kitchen - and have put in an offer on it. Problem is, ever since then I've been feeling depressed at the thought of moving there. I know some of this is just silly 'I can't have what I really want' stuff, and I need to be pragmatic. It also wouldn't be forever, as I'd probably move again in a couple of years time. I think I'm just sad because in the past I've only ever gone for houses that I've really loved and felt excited about ...

Anyone been in the same position? Any helpful advice?

Thanks.

[LaurieFairyCake]

What is it you don't like about the house in particular?

[CJCregg]

Hi Laurie!

I can't really put my finger on it, to be honest. It needs some cosmetic work, it's a bit neglected, but otherwise it's fine. I'm sure I could decorate it more to my style, and it would feel different with my stuff in it ... like I said, it's more of an emotional thing. I'm not jumping up and down at the thought of getting it (and no guarantees anyway - offer hasn't been accepted yet!) and feel a bit low about the agent ringing and saying it's going ahead.

But maybe this is a new way of doing things. I used to fall desperately in love with houses and it mattered so much - now it's about finding a reasonable home for me and the DCs. Maybe the fact that I don't have a strong emotional attachment is a good thing?

Thanks so much for replying.

[EldonAve]

I wouldn't buy it - it needs to feel right

[LaurieFairyCake]

Maybe you're out of emotion at the moment - sounds like you've had a really hard time.

I also want to move (I've moved 28 times in my life) but I have no emotional 'pull' anymore to the houses I've seen - all I can see is a ton of packing and hassle.

Even decorating (which I normally love) has lost its appeal for me.

[CJCregg]

Eldon, I know - that's how I feel. But there's so little around at the moment, the feeling is that I'd be lucky to get this one. Don't want to be kicking myself in a couple of months time.

Oh, this is so annoying. Basically, the question is can I afford the luxury of being a bit fussy? Or should I listen to my gut instinct?

[LaurieFairyCake]

'i can't have what i really want' is the sentence that springs out for me - I lost the house of my dreams after my first marriage.

I can honestly say I've never recovered from that loss though I've moved 3 times since then. I will never be able to afford that house again. And that still gives me sadness.

Any chance it's a bit like that for you?

[CJCregg]

Laurie, it might be a bit of that. Although when we moved out of the old house I didn't feel a twinge, because I was so relieved to be out of the marriage. And the little cottage we're in now has been great, it's just really expensive to rent.

I think I'm really over-emotional at the moment anyway, for some reason. Just burst into tears, feeling really pathetic. Probably because it's such a big decision, that I'm making on my own.

Really appreciate your replies.

[LaurieFairyCake]

It's a huge decision to make on your own. No wonder you're scared and emotional. It means one part of your life has truly passed and you then move on to the next stage.

I'm sitting wondering what would make you feel better - maybe a stack of home magazines and a floor plan of the house so you can make decisions about nice things for it?

Also becoming comfortable with the decision by checking that there really is nothing else out there that is better value/better investment or that you would prefer. Once you've done that its really all about confidence in you making the decision and coming to terms with making a possible mistake. I have made two housing mistakes in my life and they were hard to come to terms with but I can honestly say a few years on that I've 'forgiven' myself for not getting the best price/choosing the bext investment.

It is a scary 'mistake' to make on your own.

[CJCregg]

Laurie, thanks so much for being there. (I know it's daft to get so worked up about things like this when there are people on here with much bigger issues to deal with.)

I've just heard from the agent and my offer has been accepted, subject to one more viewing that was booked over the weekend. Was actually not as miserable as I'd anticipated when I heard this news. Probably some house mags and an Ikea/John Lewis catalogue would make me feel better!

Anyway, will continue to mull it over. I am so grateful for your support. Got to go out now, will check in again later. MN is fab!

[MachinesAreGo]

CJC - I think you and LFC have worked it out. Sounds like the house is all tied up in what could/should have been.
Now is the time to take a deep breath, do what you need to do, and start anew. It is not easy, but in a while it will start to feel right

[CJCregg]

Thanks all. Fate seems to be pushing me towards this house - the agent's come back again to say they definitely want to accept my offer. That doesn't mean I couldn't ring back on Monday morning and say I've changed my mind, but I think I'm going to go for it.

Laurie, I have been looking for months and this is the first house that's been even close to what I need, affordable and available without a bidding war. There's always the 'but what if something better comes up next week?' panic but that way madness lies ...

[CJCregg]

PS Laurie, just seen on your profile that you're from Herts - so am I! Want to come and see the house??!!!

[shootfromthehip]

Just wanted to add that a house is only a little bit of what makes a home, when you add your stuff and you little family, anywhere can make you really happy.

[steamedtreaclesponge]

CJ, I know the feeling - we're currently only renting, so it's wasn't quite such a big decision, but when our offer was accepted I just burst into tears (and not tears of happiness!.) We had to move somewhere and didn't have the luxury of taking lots of time to look around.

Anyway, two months on and I really love where I live - just having your own things around you and putting your own stamp on the place makes such a difference. Go and get Elle Decoration and Living etc and start ripping pictures out and I guarantee you'll start getting excited about it! Buying a house is such an emotive thing but it sounds like you're making the sensible decision.

[CJCregg]

Thanks, ladies. I think I'm resigned to it now. A friend gave me a load of old Living Etcs and god knows what a couple of months ago, and they're still sitting in the boot of my car. Quite right - time to get them out and start planning!

I do love MN - I was in such a dither earlier, literally in tears about the whole thing, and now I'm so much happier and more positive. Talked to some people in RL, but they only understood the practical element, not the heaving, hormonal mess of emotions I was going through

Eternally grateful.

[HouseHunting]

Sorry to put a spanner in the works but we were told by the EA that a house was ours if we upped our offer by £3,000. But the vendor wanted to honour the 2 viewing he had booked in that weekend & hence the OP loved the house too & it went to sealed bids &, although we offered the same amount, it went to the OP as they had a larger deposit then our 50% deposit. Have only told you this so you do not get your hopes up IF you feel the house is for you. Good luck hun
p.s. I am in Herts too!

[CJCregg]

The saga continues!

Surprise, surprise - the other people who viewed the house have also put in an offer. It's much higher than mine, but the vendors like me because I'm a cash buyer and the other people have to sell.

But, but, but ... when the agent rang to say there was another offer my first reaction was 'good, let them have it' and I felt really relieved. Then the practical side kicked in again and I'm back to thinking the sensible thing would be to go ahead, back to plans of decorating and making it 'mine' and all that stuff. Still can't get excited but was coming round to the idea until I was sort of offered a get-out clause. The agent wants to know if I'm 100% sure I want it, in case people get let down further down the line.

For me, it's still practical vs emotional. Fuck it! I'm so confused ...

Any wise words?

[EldonAve]

you felt relieved
you felt depressed at the thought of moving there in your OP

don't do it!

[HouseHunting]

It does sound like your heart isn't in it. Perhaps it would help you if you draw up a list of the positives & negatives of the new house. Have you spoken to friends about the hosue or taken anybody else with you to view?

[Heated]

I suppose the question is are you ever going to be excited by what's within your budget?

Are you comparing with the cottage you currently rent (which I presume is worth more than you can at the moment afford) or the house you had with exdh (on a double income), then no house is going to appear favourable. In that case, given the number boxes it ticks and the fact the vendors seem to want you, go for it and make it your home.

On the other hand, if there definitely are houses that get your juices flowing within your price bracket - in the next town say, so not right location wise - then it would pay to hold on.

[CJCregg]

It's all academic now anyway, because the other buyers have totally outbid me and the vendors have gone with them. It's all estate agent bullshit, and makes me very cross.

Now I know I can't have it, of course I'm really quite upset to have lost it. It did tick lots of boxes. But I suppose now I just have to be philosophical and reckon on there being something better or more appropriate elsewhere. At least I didn't get drawn into a bidding war.

Funny how things can change so quickly. I'd mulled it over and decided I really wanted it - and I lost it.

Bloody love MN - thank you all so, so much!

[HouseHunting]

(((CJCregg)))

[Hassled]

You shouldn't have gone for it anyway, and this is The Fates telling you so. There's nothing so important as the atmosphere of a house - and buying a house is stressful enough without having to deal with your heart not being in it. Something perfect will come up any day now .

[treaclespongeofdeath]

Oh, what a pain. It's always a bit of a rollercoaster, looking for houses - a bit like falling in love really. You have a massive crush on a house, then it all falls through and leaves you heartbroken, then a couple of weeks later you've fallen for a completely different property! I guess you just have to tell yourself that it Wasn't Meant To Be. Just think - your perfect house is sitting out there right now, waiting for you to find it - and I'm sure you will!

[CJCregg]

Aww, thanks everyone. And you're quite right - I don't think it was meant to be.

This house was obviously my ExDH, and out there somewhere is Mr Right!

(I just hope I can afford him)