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It's normal to feel wobbles / pangs of emotion about current house when close to exchange, right?

(16 Posts)
SheWouldNever Fri 19-Feb-21 10:10:56

Think I'm just looking for reassurance that it's normal to feel a bit emotional about leaving a house that has been very good to you, even if you KNOW it's not right as a long term home.

With our other house moves, we've always been moving to somewhere bigger or better, so exchange and completion has only felt exciting and we only looked forward without giving our old homes a second glance. This is the first move where the new place won't feel bigger or better until we've done a two storey extension and whole house refurb, which is going to dominate the next 12 months or more. Whereas we've fully renovated our current place and changed the layout to suit our family, so it's really comfortable and easy to live in.

Our current home won't suit us long term, so even though I KNOW we have to move, and the new place is much better located in terms of schools and family life, I think what I had really wanted was to move somewhere with a bigger footprint or a house that was a bit more 'done'. But covid has changed our plans drastically and we've had to change tack to a complete fixer upper or no move at all. So, I know it's the right move for us, but having done whole house renovations before, I know there is a long, challenging, daunting road ahead that I don't quite have the appetite for, it's just the only option we could take if we wanted to move area.

Any tips for steeling yourself for moving to a property that isn't as comfortable / exciting as the one you are leaving? How do you focus on looking forward and not back?

OP’s posts: |
Bloodyhamabeads Fri 19-Feb-21 10:40:52

I understand completely how you feel, and felt the same when we moved out of ours as we were going into rented (currently still in rented, waiting to find somewhere to buy). I think it’s natural to get attached to a home as it’s where your life is, but once you’ve moved, give it a couple of days, and you’ll be fine.

Tomatoandbasil Fri 19-Feb-21 10:49:02

Yes it’s normal. We moved in January and I love our new house but I still go onto rightmove and look at our old house!

MaryIsA Fri 19-Feb-21 10:55:41

We moved from a house that was perfectly fine - and very light - but no garden. We are now in a money pit of do-er upper - with a garden. Renovations keep getting delayed because of Covid.

I just keep thinking that by Christmas we'll be 90% there and it will tick all the boxes we wanted.

LittleOverwhelmed Fri 19-Feb-21 11:21:11

Keep your eye on the longer term... wobbles are understandable, but you have that fantastic long term plan.

We just began building work on a very nice house (that we have lived in for 7 years) to make it an amazing house (although not a complete refurb - we will run out of money before it is all done... so some cosmetic work will need to be done at some point over the next few years - decorating and new carpets...). As they started and then began to knock down walls, definitely got wobbles and as the money tumbles out of my account sad. It will be great, in the end though! Need to focus on the “what will be” smile

SheWouldNever Fri 19-Feb-21 12:45:25

Thanks everyone, I do tend to get quite attached to houses once I've made them feel like a home. But we do have a good long term plan for the house we are moving to, and it will feel just as nice as our current house one day....if we can make the finances work.

@MaryIsA this sounds like a similar move to us. Current house is perfectly fine, although could do with an extra bedroom once kids are bigger. But tiny garden, and the house we are moving to has a 100ft garden which will be amazing for the kids. But it is a complete fixer upper, I think we've budgeted well, but I'm stressing about the unforeseen costs we will inevitably find once we start move in and start work.

OP’s posts: |
DespairingHomeowner Tue 23-Feb-21 22:17:44

I think it’s normal- you are used to good points of your home. I’d love to pick up my living room & move it to my new house!

This attachment has probably made me not keep pace with my transactions and pissed off the people I am buying from. So don’t do that!

I was thinking about this earlier- I also loved my last home and thought I’d really miss it - I honestly didn’t think about it after I moved

Snakeplisskensmum Wed 24-Feb-21 07:31:32

I had been having anxiety about our move for weeks before, moving from a money pit that needed at least 100k spending on it but it had over 8 acres of land (loads of maintenance too) to a lovely house with no garden on a main road but mortgage free and nothing apart from decoration to spend. Now we're in, I still feel anxious about all the 'worse' things but know it makes sense financially and it's all coming together. You'll get there.

DespairingHomeowner Wed 24-Feb-21 08:40:49

Anxiously checking this thread grin

I think if you are an anxious type, it will express itself in some way during the move
- my flat purchase made so much financial sense that I didn't worry about that. Instead I ended up worrying loads about property condition (and more or less ripped it apart when renovating)
- with the house I am purchasing now, the condition seems fine, so now my concerns are more about financial side, and 'will i like living there'

I also think this is such an anxious/uncertain time (pandemic & financially) and that so many of us have been bottling up stress for the last year - it expresses itself in different ways!

DespairingHomeowner Wed 24-Feb-21 08:44:11

@Snakeplisskensmum: mortgage free sounds amazing!! I hope you will come to love your new home

@SheWouldNever: a week on from your post, how are you feeling? I was on verge of pulling out over weekend, went to look at other places etc, now ready to take plunge and exchange today/tomorrow: the vendors gave me a deadline, and although its been a stressful 24 hours, it honestly has helped to give me an ultimatum to go 1 way or the other - I needed the push to decide

DespairingHomeowner Wed 24-Feb-21 08:49:00

@SheWouldNever (wow I have a lot to say today) - your post reminds me of my best friend. She bought a house, spent 10 years doing it up, it was beautiful. Decided they needed to move somewhere cheaper & bigger as she went PT after kids - she was like you, sad to leave a place she'd made lovely and to meet her needs, and also daunted by another project!

I also think that buying somewhere you know is an 'interim' exacerbates the emotions... I am moving from a Z2 flat (perfect for working/single life in C London) to a small suburban house. In my heart, I want to live in a village but I think I need to do a step in between as I think the difference would be a huge shock! Knowing I don't plan to stay long term has made me question the house so much more (I think of what I will have to spend as a waste vs what I can enjoy for more than a couple of years)

SheWouldNever Wed 24-Feb-21 09:01:48

Yes @DespairingHomeowner it’s definitely the idea of the interim that is causing the wobbles. If I were moving to a bigger, nicer house all round I think I’d just be excited. This house will be a great family house for us once it’s done, though.

I am feeling OK, really. Was just a day or two of wobbles when talk of exchange dates became less prospective and more firm. Looks like we will exchange end of this week or early next week. Going to see the new house again today, which will either leave me more excited than I was expecting, or full of the wobbles again at just how much work and time and stress it is going to take to renovate.

Overall though, I do think I’m ready to thank our current house for the happy times it’s given us, and move forward into the next phase of family life in our new house.

OP’s posts: |
Mysa74 Wed 24-Feb-21 17:32:09

How's did the visit go OP?

SheWouldNever Wed 24-Feb-21 17:53:59

@Mysa74 it went OK thanks. Was expecting the place to look worse than I remember with all the furniture gone (the tenant left a few days ago). But it was actually quite clean and no hidden horrors. It will be OK to live in, and we’ll just focus on the long term plan. It’s not the perfect house, but it’ll do.

OP’s posts: |
Mysa74 Thu 25-Feb-21 04:44:58

That's good news and if they've gone already you have one less thing to worry about, I hope you'll be very happy there :-)

garlictwist Thu 25-Feb-21 05:20:15

We moved out of our old, damp, cold basement rented flat into our own three bedroom semi.

I had been so happy in that flat and had so many good times I felt really nervous about the move and sad when we were leaving.

Totally normal.

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