This is a Premium feature
Offer accepted, now having serious doubts(19 Posts)
I am having to move due to separation. It has been a horrible year.
We live in a nice house and it sold quite easily. I am very lucky to have some equity to put towards my onward house with a mortgage. It has been hard finding a good house as the property prices went crazy. I went to see a house that had been on the market for a while, but had recently come down in price to within my budget. Standard 3 bed 40's semi. Nice area. A bit unloved and dark, but it had a very overgrown garden etc.
I put an offer in which was accepted.
The process has been ticking along and have just gone for a second viewing to measure up and I came away so so miserable. Despite it being a beautiful day it's dark, needs so much work in the garden and expensive work in the living areas to make it brighter (walls and windows to add/move). Neighbours dog was barking the minute we went in the garden.
I thought I could live with it, but I don't know if I can. The house just makes me feel sad.
There is little else on the market, but there are 2 potentials which have come on since I offered on this...different compromises maybe, both chain free though. I know I probably will have to walk away won't I?
I don't really know why I am posting. Is it going to be a major issue?
Surveys are booked for end September. Solicitors are instructed I am not sure if the searches have started yet.
My buyer is not in a chain so I am hoping they are happy to wait a bit longer...
Anyone else been in a similar situation who can hold my hand for the day?!
Hi @Gilmoregoals your emotions are going to be red raw at the moment and the house stuff as well as your separation might be causing all sorts of feelings to muddle up! When I separated from my ex I had to find a house but we were still in the 'we might get back together' so I had to find a house that we could all live in! Although the resulting house was lovely I never settled there - we didn't get back together and last year I moved to the sort of house I would have bought immediately post separation if I hadn't gone along with the charade of 'maybe getting back together'.
If you hated the new house on your second viewing, I would suggest speaking to the agent, explaining this,asking for another viewing and if you feel the same then pull out. Have a look at the others as well. All houses come with a compromise and if you are single then an overgrown garden will take a lot of time to sort out and when you are doing everything in the house yourself, from putting the bins out to cleaning and also sorting all the bills, there seems to be little time left. Even if you were doing most of this anyway, once its definitely all down to you it somehow becomes much bigger! Or it did for me
If you are not sure I would really advise renting instead, prices may well drop next year. That said I've had a wobbly just before myself but all was ok in the end
Could you rent somewhere for a while to give yourself some breathing space. As awful as it is for the sellers, I would pull out. It's too big a decision to make if you have major reservations.
The problem is I can't afford to rent in the area. The equity and mortgage makes things affordable.
I couldn't afford to stay where I am as the mortgage payments are too high by myself.
@Blobby10 I think you have hit the nail on the head. The house I am in now was a project, but there were two of us. The current garden is huge and I have just let it go because I hate it and I am worried I am going to have a similar level of motivation in the next house. Painting walls I can cope with, everything else I just can't face the pressure and repsonsibility right now
Walk away and look for something else that requires less work. A dog barking would be a massive no no for me too.
Gilmoregoals even now I'm in a smaller and more manageable house, I still struggle to keep the garden maintained and the house presentable. I'm struggling to motivate myself to do anything in the evenings and weekends are often taken up doing 'stuff' with OH.
From what you said it does sound like the house you have offered on would be too much - I found there was enough pressure coping with post separation ( even though it was something I wanted!) without the added burden of property maintenance.
I have ploughed on for the last few months keeping the house looking good for viewings etc. I am just exhausted and with two small kids the thought of taking on too much feels very overwhelming. I have noticed I am more grumpy around the kids lately and have no doubt stress levels play a part. I just want the move to be as happy and stress-free for them as possible.
Second PP. Ask solicitor to hold back for a few days, look at the other properties. See how you feel.
Pull out if you need to- but hopefully do it this week if you can.
DP had offered on a house, which was owned by people they knew vaguely ( didn't know until the first viewing) , they were invited round for a second viewing and offered tea and cake. Sat in their lounge DM knew she couldn't live there. She was so embarassed but they pulled out the same day.
Sorry, posted too soon.
The dog would be an issue for me, especially if there is a lot of work to do in the garden. I hadn't realised what a stress NDN dog barking every time we opened the back door was, until they moved.
How many houses did you look at before this one? Did you look at enough to know what was good or bad value for money within your price range?
For example my house had compromises when i bought it, it's a slightly odd layout, needed a shed load of work and the kitchen gets no natural light whatsoever ever. It's no where near as big as the house I lost on my divorce and I'm not quite sure if i do really love it as a house. but other houses coming on the market wouldnt have spooked me because this house was an absolute steal and I know there is nothing in my price bracket I'd have liked more. I'd love a mansion with an indoor swimming pool, id love 3 solid bedrooms upstairs but both would have been equally unaffordable.... I do love this house now because I can afford it and it has done me well over the years.
If you dont love you house, you dont love it. The question is are you going to love something else more within your price bracket.
@Hazelnutlatteplease i have seen quite a few, nothing I liked, other than one I missed out on which I came out feeling excited about. I wasn't even that excited on first viewing on the house I had an offer accepted on, but I just took a practical 'well I need to buy something, the area is good and it is 40s which I know and like'
Everything is currently overpriced here. There was a massive boom after covid. Things are slowing down a bit now.
You are right though I know realistically I won't find anything that totally floats my boat in the budget I have.
OP, am in the middle of something similar and it is hard.
Is there any way you can pay to get the garden and/or living areas improved early on, so you can think of these as just temporary drawbacks?
This sounds a bit cheesy, but I have been thinking about furniture and decorating (on a shoestring, but to my taste, without any compromises needed with ExH), and that's been quite helpful in feeling more positive.
I am going through something similar. We are moving due to circumstances (redundancy) and have had to settle due to not being able to afford or find what we want within budget. I have had massive doubts about the house we have chosen, especially as we are downsizing and the garden is too small really.
I think sometimes you have to make a decision with your head rather than your heart. It's scary to move on, especially if it's under circumstances you might not have chosen.
Do you think it's the most sensible choice for you and your children? It's difficult to decide sometimes. What I've found helpful is to think about small changes I can make fairly easily, but also to think that it isn't necessarily forever, and that this is a safe stepping stone towards our dream house one day.
Good luck. X
Would it help to think about it as good enough for now? You don't have to stay there forever and it sounds like you could add value to it through the work you are going to do on it.
What did you decide, OP?
Personally I would pull out and keep looking.
Thanks for the comments last night.
I ended up getting a viewing on a 3 bed detached house yesterday that is chain free. It is on a small estate which was never where I wanted to be when I started the search (live semi-rurally at the moment) but it is great in every other way, particularly for the children and would offer me a house that is full of light and low maintenance.
PPs are right that it doesn't need to be a forever home, but it would be a very stress-free option for now (whereas the original house would be high stress from the start with a very limited budget to do the jobs I wanted to do).
What I do know is that I feel a lot calmer this morning than I have in a few weeks, so I think that speaks volumes about whether that first house was right for me.
The dog barking every time I went into the garden would put me right off, even without all the stress and hard work of making it a home for yourself and your children. Hope you are successful with house you viewed yesterday!