Estate agent language

[Toooldnowx]

It seems that every where is a highly sought after area. Are you finding this being over used?

[toastofthetown]

I see that everywhere too.My personal favourite is 'deceptively spacious' which always seems to mean no room to swing a cat.

[JoJoSM2]

I think I live in a very nice place so when agents use ‘highly sought after’, I can see their point. I think sometimes they’re a bit over-generous with their adjectives about particular roads but I haven’t seen anything ridiculous along the lines of calling somewhere ‘highly sought after’ if it’s manky.

[Russell19]

Yes, if the listing doesn't include 'highly sought-after' then that means 'shit hole'

[LividLaughLovely]

One I’m viewing this weekend has “fit for a show home,” which I’m hoping is synonymous with “doesn’t stink of cat or dog piss,” unlike the last few I’ve seen.

[Thecazelets]

I am pleased to report from the blurb for the house currently for sale on my road that we are not only 'highly sought after' but 'prime' and a 'premier residential location'. Doesn't seem to be helping to shift it though!

[NCParanoia]

neutral decor throughout = dated
Great potential = needs 40k thrown at it
Rare to the market = granny's been living there for 75 years and hasn't changed a thing
Well proportioned room = only just big enough for a sofa
Vibrant Central location = M4 on your doorstep

[Toooldnowx]

NCP I love your ‘rare to the market’ description.

[Thecazelets]

'Well maintained' means 'owned by an older couple with colour-coded screwdrivers and very clean guttering, but kitchen last updated when Margaret Thatcher was a junior minister'.

[emilybrontescorsett]

Period property means old, rattling, cold and needs lots of work.
Spacious means average.
Well maintained garden means a bit of a lawn with an abundance of concrete/pebbles.

[MikeUniformMike]

neutral decor throughout = magnolia everywhere not artexed
Great potential = needs 140k thrown at it
Rare to the market = granny's been living there for 75 years and hasn't changed a thing
Well proportioned room = only just big enough for a sofa
Vibrant Central location = bloody rough area

[Boringnamechanging]

I’m crying with laughter as I’ve just had a similar conversation

-it has a pond that’s an asset. (Young family sized house, yes that’s generally what’s wanted somewhere for the toddlers to jump in)
-new oven (yes granted you haven’t used the oven since it was installed in the 90s)
-modern kitchen (90s!!!!!!!)
Left the washing machine that’ll be helpful (I’m not sure my clothes would come out cleaner)
-it has a conservatory (ummm yep technically but it leaks a sieve and is rotting)

[MikeUniformMike]

tastefully decorated throughout - the seller's taste not yours.
in need of modernisation - no bathroom, just outside toilet.

[MikeUniformMike]

[nice village] borders - the bit of rough area nearest [nice village]

[MillieMoodle]

Rural location = arse end of nowhere
Private access = May have a bit of a drive or front garden.
Excellent transport links = either next to a motorway/railway or if in London next to a bus stop or tube station
Up-and-coming area = absolute shit hole but if we can convince enough people to move here, prices might go up.
Vibrant = noisy, smelly, busy
Would suit an experienced investor = no windows/kitchen/bathroom/heating. Probably suffering damp and/or infestation. May also be subsidence and/or Japanese knotweed. Please don't ask any questions.

[Toooldnowx]

Gorgeous is another overused term. To me it means ordinary but we have used camera tricks to make it look like what it isn’t in real life. I know the EA must advertise the property and use grandiose language to make the seller feel good about their house but it can be so far from reality.

[Bol87]

There’s an area near me that is described as ‘on the outskirts of xx & it’s many cafes & shops & excellent school’ .. it’d take well over hour to walk from said location to the desirable one & 10/15 min drive. And you are 100% not in the catchment. It genuinely baffles me ..

[MikeUniformMike]

Village between [Town A] and [Town B] - villagey part on outskirt of shithole Town A that is nearest to naice Town B

[RealityExistsInTheHumanMind]

It's a pain because if the phrases were used correctly they could be informative but ...

My last (now sold) property is deceptively spacious, looked like a small bungalow but being built in the 1950s has 3 proper double bedrooms. Everyone that came - whether they offered or not said it was bigger than expected - including using that as an excuse for not buying.

Even different estate agents that came, when I changed from the first being pathetic, not only made the generic statements but kept saying how much bigger than expected. It was the only comment they all made.

They shoot themselves in the foot.

Still, I don't care any more, it's done now.

[KoalasandRabbit]

I remember when looking for first flat I saw one advertised as in a highly sought after road and the road looked distinctly average and exactly the same as hundreds of other roads around. My parents suggested phoning estate agent and asking why it was a highly desirable road and they admitted they had no clue and it wasn't a particularly desirable road.

Just about to put ours on the market and looked at other local ones- one is advertised as in catchment area for x primary. This is true but the EA's wife is a headmistress of the second primary in the town and has also worked in first primary and no-one has got into to x school from anywhere close in the last 10 years.

We also have rare to market for one which has just changed EA and been on the market for a year. It's modern and one of two but changes hands every few years.

[JoJoSM2]

Oh yes, I’ve seen ‘gorgeous’ used in a very subjective way.

[domesticslattern]

The school catchment ones always get me.
I saw one yesterday which said it was within a "favourable" distance of X Ofsted outstanding school.
The catchment area would need to more than double to give you any chance at all, and the estate agents must know that. They simply cannot not know that unless they arrived in the area yesterday. From the moon. School catchments are all anyone ever talks about in this area.

[ComtesseDeSpair]

My flat I’ve just sold was “rare to the market” and “boasted” a “glorious sun room for lounging on those warm summer days.”

Flat in question was an ex-council highrise with an enclosed balcony in one of London’s less fashionable postcodes. I love the place and am sad to be leaving: but it’s rare to the market because so few are privately owned and the “sun room” is lovely but a real stretch to that name.

[VeniVidiWeeWee]

There used to be an honest agent by the name of Roy Brooks who worked from the Kings Road in London.

“Wanted: Someone with taste, means and a stomach strong enough to buy this erstwhile house of ill-repute in Pimlico. It is untouched by the 20th century as far as conveniences for even the basic human decencies are concerned. Although it reeks of damp or worse, the plaster is coming off the walls and daylight peeps through a hole in the roof, it is still habitable judging by the bed of rags, fag ends and empty bottles in one corner. Plenty of scope for the socially aspiring to express their decorative taste and get their abode in The Glossy, and nothing to stop them putting Westminster on their notepaper. Comprises 10 rather unpleasant rooms with slimy back yard, 4,650 Freehold. Tarted up, these houses make 15,000.”

“Do not be misled by the trim exterior of this modest period res with its dirty broken windows; all is not well with the inside. The decor of the nine rooms, some of which hangs inelegantly from the walls, is revolting. Not entirely devoid of plumbing, there is a pathetic kitchen and one cold tap. No bathroom, of course, but Chelsea has excellent public baths. Rain sadly drips through the ceiling on to the oilcloth. The pock-marked basement floor indicates a thriving community of woodworm, otherwise there is not much wrong with the property… Sacrifice 6,750.”

BTW this was in the sixties if anyone is wondering about the prices.

[FiveShelties]

Many years ago we viewed a house which had 'open views to rear' - the houses behind it had been pulled down. Lovely.

[Namechangr9000]

I hate "walking distance to excellent schools" as a) potentially you could walk 5 miles but it doesnt mean you're very close or within catchment area b) some schools where we are have catchment areas of literally a few hundred metres so you could be 5 min walk and not have a hope of getting in!

Cosy (for inside) = tiny
Courtyard garden = tiny patio
Delightful garden = tiny but with flowers
Quirky = weird - you will want to change everything