The good and not so good times: living with a lodger during lockdown

[Wauden]

My lodger moved in before lockdown and generally she is fine. BUT she is now at home all week long because she does a physical job which cannot be done remotely. Lo and behold, I now wfh five days a week and she is here most of the time!

It grates me that she takes up the kitchen for an hour or more; it's a small kitchen so I can't make lunch for myself when she is cooking, which she does a lot of. And with much banging and clattering of pans!

(Her rent payments slipped so I had a polite but firm word and she now pays on time.)

I realise that this is a small problem in the greater scheme of things, but anyone living others is going to find niggling things including with DH etc.
I am making a real effort but I just want some space to myself.
Aaaaaggggghhh!

[AppleBlossomTimeNow]

Wow. You have my utmost sympathy - that'd do my head in x

[Wauden]

Thanks @AppleBlossomTimeNow. I wondered whether was being U.
I dared not post this under AIBU

[Wauden]

I realise now that it is really annoying me

[Ijustreallywantacat]

You're right. It is a small problem. Have a conversation about timings. Or just say "excuse me can I just nip in and make some lunch?"

[Judiwench]

Can you discuss (nicely) that you need the kitchen from time to time?

[ProseccoBubbleFantasies]

My best male friend lives alone, but had a friend staying for a few weeks, was due to leave at the end of march so is still there.

Best male friend has confided he can't wait to have a wank on his sofa

[Wauden]

@ProseccoBubbleFantasies. not on the sofa, but ... .... this is part of the problem

[Wauden]

@Ijustreallywantacat. Yes, I do squeeze in, but say that I am getting a snack (when I would rather cook). I don't think I should ask because I need to be assertive if that makes sense

[Wauden]

@Judiwench. You are right. But I am tempted to go all passive aggressive and get in early and HOG the kitchen for 90 minutes

[BillieEilish]

[wow] no, don't post in AIBU, because you really, really are. You are taking the money but resenting her using her home.

How depressing. Maybe stop having lodgers?

[Wauden]

@BillieEilish. 'Her home'? That's curious as I don't remember handing over my title deeds to a lodger.
Are you confusing a lodger with a tenant?

[DoIneed1]

Op it is your lodger's home. It might not be her house, but it'll definitely her home.

[PerfectPenquins]

Of course its her home! She is paying you to live there and use the facilities. Perhaps you shouldn't have a lodger if you dont see it as their home as well.

[Wauden]

Yes, it's her home too. It's just that people can get on top of each other during lockdown, like families do, as can be seen on MN.
I don't resent her or other lodgers otherwise I would never have them in the first place!
And plenty of people have had a moan about DHs during lockdown. Doesn't mean that they resent the whole person all of the time.

[ProseccoBubbleFantasies]

@Wauden, my best male friend feels your pain!

[Wauden]

@ProseccoBubbleFantasies. OMG, did you tell him?!? Its ok if you did.

[Rua13]

Draw up a timetable for the kitchen. She's paying rent so it's her home too.

[ShambalaHambala]

I've been a lodger before and know how awful it is having to tiptoe around your landlord, not cook anything that takes too long, not have baths because I worried I'd be a pain, have my TV so quiet that I could barely hear it so not to disturb. It can really suck being a lodger.

My dad now has two lodgers, and I can't imagine him moaning about them using the kitchen for too long in lock down and worldwide pandemic.

I think YABU.

[Wauden]

@Rua13. Thanks. I think I will let her keep the marathon cooking sessions as I think that if I was a lodger I'd find a time table too much.

[ShambalaHambala]

I think I will let her keep her marathon cooking sessions - how kind of you!

[Wauden]

@ShambalaHambala. Yes, I do try and remember what it was like to have been a lodger, it can be like that. Its good to think about it from her side.
I will just gripe on MN.
Some folks restrict a lodger's use of the washing machine, or bath, etc but I would not. I would not say you can only use the kitchen for x amount of time.

[BillieEilish]

You sound just lovely

[ShambalaHambala]

I have lodged many times in my life and have never known a restriction on using the washing machine! That's nuts.

[Wauden]

@ShambalaHambala. Actually my point is that some other live-in landladies do restrict use of kitchen, say that lodger can only use the kettle and microwave in their bedroom.

You don't know what it's like to have to wait 90 minutes until you can use your kitchen.
I don't restrict her likewise.

[Wauden]

@BillieEilish. Thanks.