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Did anyone's relationship break from house build?

(16 Posts)
Beaumatrix Mon 23-Oct-17 16:39:55

Just that really......starting to feel sone pressure and we've not started the build yet? It seemed like a good idea many months ago!!!

tinymeteor Mon 23-Oct-17 16:47:37

No, we made it through, but there was a time when if DH mentioned one more word about tiling, or drainage plans, or bastard bloody tanking membranes, I would not have felt unjustified in killing him with my bare hands.

Get yourself some girls' nights booked where you can go out with friends and moan about him and about the build. And otherwise just try to be patient with each other. Good luck...

tinymeteor Mon 23-Oct-17 16:49:45

Also if it helps, the planning phase is probably worse than the build. At least once you get started there are tangible results to keep you going.

Beaumatrix Mon 23-Oct-17 17:10:35

Thanks Tiny......we have just been approved. It's been a nightmare and I have had to take a step back from planning as my brain is full! Now I'm thinking sh1t.....why have we designed some of it the way we have confused doesn't bode well!

BrandNewHouse Mon 23-Oct-17 17:14:51

Can you tell us what you have found to be nightmarish about the process and the impact on the relationship?

Shouldileavethedogs Mon 23-Oct-17 17:18:54

We did a renovation on a house we bought that we only intended to decorate. Before we knew it walls were ripped down and bathrooms ripped out. Even the garden was an unusable hole. All that was left of this house was the walls and roof. Its took up 10 weeks. We are still commuting to the old house to feed the dogs 4 times a day as this house isn't finished yet and it's unsafe for them. 2 more weeks I've been told and yes it nearly broke us. Keep strong and remember why you're doing it rather than I'm jacking it all in.

TeamRick Mon 23-Oct-17 17:24:14

Ours hasn’t but it’s a bloody miracle it hasn’t!

We were congratulating ourselves on that the other night!

We’re more than 6 months into a supposed 12 week build, it has been an absolute nightmare, no boiler since early August! One problem after another!

It would have been so easy to start dishing out blame and feeling resentful!

Whatthefoxgoingon Mon 23-Oct-17 18:15:39

We survived a nearly 2 year build. It was very stressful but we made it and it was the making of us.

Beaumatrix Mon 23-Oct-17 18:15:46

We have bought an old house, it's very damp and the electrics are awful. Due to the area we live in there are so many requirements/regulations regarding builds so it's been many months of to and fro with council/architects etc. I've recently gone back to work after a year off maternity. My head is puddled. People think we're crazy buying our house as it really is a state and we probably can't start the build now til spring. The roof is knackered and it's freezing. Husband is very laid back and taking it all in his stride. He has recently taken redundancy so having time off work for the build to help reduce labour costs
I'm a very indecisive person and now bricking it.... Thanks for your stories ....i never really understood how much pressure it involves.

Autumnchill Mon 23-Oct-17 18:29:32

Yep, ours nearly went south after buying a property to renovate in 2013. Took something major for us to stand back and see where we were heading.

Background, he worked away all week and between us, I'm the organiser which meant I naturally gravitated to dealing with the trades and mortgage company and when he was home at the weekend, we both did the hard graft knocking down walls etc (we are both in construction). I basically project managed both the house and him, trying to push it along and get it completed. He felt like it became all consuming and weekends weren't fun anymore and I was complaining that we needed to get something done so the electricians could start.

Came to a head April 2015 and I nearly walked away. Massive heart to heart and we took the decision to get more trades in to push it over the line and for us not to do it. Cost more and took longer but was worth it.

Love our house and marriage and glad we did it but I completely understand how you feel. I got to the point were I couldn't look at one more light switch or tap!

Beaumatrix Mon 23-Oct-17 18:32:18

We also thought we might be able to live in the house but it looks like we'll have to move out for a while sad

BrandNewHouse Mon 23-Oct-17 22:53:42

I can sympathise. We had a lot of to-ing and fro-ing before we even bought the house. Again a lot of complex regulations due to the area, and neighbours that have needed soothing. With the added complication of doing it in a language neither of us speak fluently (DH basically not at all). I basically had to do all of the “purchase” stuff.
If you are feeling stressed I would advise being ruthless about the budget and keeping very tight control of it, and also the Gannt Chart. Is you husband the project manager? Or someone else?

Pixiedust1973 Tue 24-Oct-17 00:58:31

Yes. My ex husband is the DIY neighbour from hell. After doing a complete renovation on the house, while we lived there (bare wires, rubble, power tools lying about, no kitchen etc) he then proceeded to do a full on multi storey extension, ALL BY HIMSELF! It took 3 years. When it finished I insisted we move on. We never used that extension. We bought another house in a different area together & he started doing that one up too at the expense of family life yet again hmm before finally deciding that I was being unreasonable in expecting some degree of family time & a break from building work after 10 fucking years angry & he moved in with some bimbo who wanted a conservatory building, while leaving me with numerous unfinished DIY jobs that I had to pay someone else to finish before the house could be sold & proceeds split! As long as you haven't married my ex (who has been putting his new wife & kids through building a house, which they now live in despite the fact it doesn't conform to regulations yet & is technically not supposed to be inhabited) & you & your OH are prepared not to neglect family life then you'll be fine!

whiskyowl Tue 24-Oct-17 10:16:54

I'm reading between the lines of your post, and maybe misreading, but it sounds like there's a significant attitudinal difference between you: you worry, he is laid back.

I think you need to get onto the same page a bit more. Someone who is very much of the school of "aaaah, it will all be OK, don't worry" is no help at all when you are knee-deep in mud. Equally, someone who is so paralysed with anxiety that they are freaking out over every decision is not going to be a good partner over a build. You need a balance of a bit of risk-taking, combined with diligent planning and preliminary work (you can do a hell of a lot on paper), and a sense of and budget for the contingencies. As a PP has said, sometimes you just need a bit of extra help.

Beaumatrix Tue 24-Oct-17 16:51:48

Pixiedust that sounds horrendous!!!!!
Yes husband is project manager. He is incredibly hard working. Interesting times ahead!

Pixiedust1973 Tue 24-Oct-17 22:30:18

My ex didn't just project manage Beaumatrix he did the whole thing, brick by brick. I hope your husband isn't that bad! You may as well call the whole thing off & download divorce papers now if thats the case! sad

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