Cold feet about moving house(18 Posts)
Is this normal? Has anyone else had cold feet before moving and it turned out ok?
I've just realised that I've lived in my present house longer than any other place in my life. We arrived here with my oldest son, then aged two, to start life as a family. It's the only house he and his younger brother have ever known. It's always been an impractical, frustrating house - tiny sitting room, narrow hallway, garden only accessible via stairs outside, only one loo - but we have shaped it to fit our family better over the years and it's served us well. It's an old Victorian house (three bed) with lots of period features, which I've always loved. And, most importantly, it's in a central location, so it's been easy to walk everywhere. If I meet friends in the evening, I can walk home afterwards.
Now we're moving just out of town to a new-build in a local village. It's only a 6-minute drive away or a 20-minute bus journey. The house offers more than we could ever afford here: four bedrooms, big kitchen/diner, proper hallway, four loos, including two en-suites, a garage... The garden is tiny, but it backs onto fields and countryside and we're not great gardeners so that doesn't matter. DH is so happy; he's been dissatisfied with our present house for so long and he's delighted that we are moving to a bigger house in a quieter location. He thinks our quality of life will be better and is envisioning us all going out on family cycling trips or long walks in the local countryside.
I do feel as if it's time to leave our present house, but I'm just not sure about the location of the new house. Or about living in a new build. I don't drive (although I'm planning to learn), so will have to rely on lifts from DH, buses and cycling. I have no desire to live in the village we'll be in. To be honest, when we put the offer on the new house, I hoped we wouldn't get it. I love the town we live in at present (which is where I work and DC go to school/college), but just can't afford a bigger house here.
It's too late to back out now anyway. So, has anyone else moved further away from where they want to be and made a success of it?
How old are your dc? If you can't drive will they be reliant on buses? Personally I like accessibility especially when you have kids. We made the move from a large city and now live in a town. A walk into town is about 15 minutes. Personally if I didn't drive I'm not sure i would want to be so far out. What do your kids think?
They're 12 and 18. The older one wants to learn to drive, but, for now, will be reliant on bus/lifts from DH.
Maybe this will give me the motivation to learn to drive myself and then I might feel differently.
I don't think you have been very fair to your DH if you haven't told him how you feel about the new house. I presume from what you've posted that you didn't say you hoped you wouldn't get it! Learn to drive - it's a really useful skill to have and will make the world of difference. Start now.
Definitely get started on the driving it'll give you so much freedom and make the move easier. I always think it's harder if one partner is more for the move than the other.
wowfudge - my DH knows exactly how I feel and we've just had another talk about it.
I just need to learn to drive, don't I?
WHY is it too late to pull out? Unless you’ve exchanged it’s not too late.
How will the new location affect DCs’ school journeys and social life?
Learning to drive - for you and ideally also your eldest DC - will be essential if you move, yes.
Technically, it's not too late, Dozer. But I can't do that to the seller - it's not fair. We've committed to it now. DH wants the house anyway. And I do like the house - it's the location that's bothering me.
The new location won't actually make any difference to the DC's school journeys or social lives. DS1 has Aspergers and is either at college or at home in his room. He has to be driven to school at the moment anyway because he is awaiting an op on his toe and can't walk very far. DS2 was walking to school, but now has anxiety issues so DH is driving him too. So I'm the one who will feel the difference - and that can be solved by learning to drive. Which is scary, but probably necessary.
It wouldn’t be great behaviour or kind to the vendor to pull out, no, but it happens a lot. It’s an option you still have. Better to be honest with yourself and DH now than move and very likely be unable to move again if it’s not a good solution for you. I say this because I’ve been there and got stuck in an inconvenient location.
With respect to DS2, he may not wish to be driven to school, clubs and social things long term: avoiding things due to anxiety often doesn’t help with anxiety.
Learning to drive is definitely do-able though if you’re otherwise OK with the move.
Moving house is a big step and people find it to be one of the most stressful events in life. However, it sounds like the new house will work for you much better so I’d move. However, I totally understand that the current property has a lot of fond memories for you so it’s a bit emotional step.
We moved house almost 6 years ago so my OH & I could buy a place together. For me it was a complete relocation to a new county an hours drive away. My one stipulation was the area must have good schools for my kids. Both are now dx ASD, eldest has severe anxiety, (just started on meds for it with great success.)
The house itself is tiny & ive never liked it. I got rid of thousands of pounds worth of stuff to move here & still have furniture in the garage. When I first walked in I said "what have I done?" What it does have is LOCATION LOCATION LOCATION, & that costs. To me personally it has not been a good move because my health has suffered. I swear this house has sick building syndrome. The benefits to the girls though in SEN provision has made it entirely worth it. Plus I married my OH 2 years ago & we're very happy together. We love being able to walk into town, but we can both see that realistically we must have a bigger house, so now school catchment isn't a thing we're moving to a village a few miles away to a semi new house. It doesn't have the posh postcode, but it does have 3 toilets, a utility room & a study. My 16 year old will no longer be sleeping in a glorified cupboard. The benefits of living in a larger house far outweigh the minuses in my view.
Sounds to me like its your DH who is going to be taking on the lions share of any extra work needed by ferrying the kids about, so it doesn't need to be major hassle for you or the kids. I have to do all that myself. I feel like im a taxi service lol. Annoying thing is that one of my kids has a free bus pass but because of her ASD & anxiety she has never used it, so I still drive. I think you'll find that one you move you'll be enjoying the extra space so much that you will not regret it for a second & wish you'd moved sooner!
I'm in a similar situation. We live in London in an inner area and we're planning on moving to the suburbs. The reason we're moving is because we need more space.
I love my flat. I love living so centrally and not needing a car. I don't drive either. I'd really love to stay here but it's not practical as we need more space. Our outgoings will also go down when we move. It will be much harder to get about without a car in the new area. But we're not going to get one as we don't want to spend the money.
So really, I'd love to stay in my flat. But it's not practical, so we're moving.
Thank you all for your comments. I feel better for reading them all. Pixie - your post, in particular, resonated with me because it sounds as if our situations are so similar. We're hoping that a move from town to countryside will benefit our anxious children, as well as ourselves.
I feel a bit calmer about the move this evening. Had a good chat with DH, who is so happy about the move and so sure that it's the right thing to do that I felt reassured. He has excellent judgement, so I'm going to trust him on this one.
Glad to hear it Toffee Hope all goes well for you.
By car, yes. I know it isn't far if you drive, but if DH isn't around, I'll have to get the bus or cycle so it's a big contrast with our previous central location.
splash out on taxis? probably much cheaper than driving lessons, buying another car and all the associated costs (tax, ins, repairs, petrol, depreciation) - cant be that much for a 6 min journey...
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