Feeling down about my house?(34 Posts)
Me, my DH and baby boy are living in the house me and DH have been in for years. It’s 3 bedroom (2 of the rooms are tiny) with a good size living room and kitchen downstairs, and small garden.
This is going to sound so shallow. But everyone seems to have nicer houses than us, and always seem to take pleasure in shower them off to us. Extensions, multiple bathrooms (rather than our one bathroom and shower over bath.. don’t even have a seperate shower)... I gave up work to look after DS and that was the choice we made.. I would rather have time with DS as a baby than have a fancy house, but I don’t know what I’m getting at.. do you ever just feel like everyone is better than you in terms of their houses and like to remind you lol?
Life isn't a competition. You've made a choice, based on your values and wishes. Have confidence in it, or change it if it doesn't work for you.
Comparison is the thief of joy - a cliché but very true! I do know how you feel - we have a small house in the city whereas lots of my friends have big places with massive gardens out in the countryside. You just have to not think about it, and when you do, remember that no one's life is perfect - everyone has problems be it the size of their house or other (much worse) shit.
I'm in a dark pokey 2 bed with 3 kids in an affluent area - count your blessings!
These things aren't important - often soul-less.
Concentrate on your baby, your family unit and making your house a home - with warm hospitality, your unique family character, keep it simple, clean and fresh, real cut flowers, bake a cake etc.
Says more to me than £200/m2 ensuite shower tiles.....yaaaaaawwnnn.
You are lucky to have the life choice you have to stay home with your child. Many dont. Sometimes you cant have everything all at the same time. Appreciate that you have the best thing right now.
More bathrooms = more cleaning.
I'm not sure why everyone is so enamoured with extra bathrooms. We only have one bathroom in our 4 bed house, so do my parents. My grandparents didn't have a bathroom in their cottage. They had an outside loo; toothbrushes were kept by the kitchen sink and the bath was kept on a hook in the back yard and brought indoors when needed. This was as recent as the 1980s.
But you've made a choice haven't you? If you want to stay at home then great, but you can't have everything.
I work but also see my kids a lot.. I wouldn't give up work though. I love my house and I'm happy to pay for it. I also see it as an investment.. I can always downsize in later life and release the cash.
All I'm saying is be happy with your decision and what it means.. Or look for work and move.
There's always going to be someone with a better house unless you're bill gates! And there are likely people that are envious of your 3 bed house.
Try and be satisfied with what you have.
If you're on a budget you can get some really nice little things like cushions / candles / throws which really add warmth and character very cheaply from places like primark / lidl / morrisons. Charity shops are worth a try too. We've just moved house & can't afford to do much but have bought the homebase own brand paint which is v reasonable and really freshens everything up. Supermarket flowers or flowers from the garden always look lovely. Use the time you have to look for good deals / make a moodboard. I'm really enjoying doing ours up even though we only have a tight budget. Count your blessings
I’m in a similar situation but you really have to try and make the best of what you have. I made the decision not to go back to work after dc2 in the knowledge it would mean we would have a smaller house and on a tight budget. I’m retraining to go back to work now, but I don’t regret my choices at all, and it’s not forever.
Keeping up with the Joneses and comparing yourself to others is the road to heartbreak, really. Hard not to do!
I totally understand and have felt like you at times when others could move etc to a larger house etc.
I agree with the other posters, be happy with what you have.
I've felt like you, but in the last few years we've experienced some serious financial pressures due to illness and inability to work.
Many of the people I know with nicer houses than us would have gone under in our circumstances so now I feel lucky that our flat has the small bills that go along with a small space, and that although it's an anonymous modern block rather than the period properties I envy, it's well insulated and not likely to need expensive repairs any time soon.
I doubt they're showing off or looking down on you. People rarely compare themselves to those worse off. They're probably just as envious about someone with a bigger house than them.
I understand where you're coming from as I probably have the smallest house amongst my friends and did worry for a long time especially after a friends daughter commented on my house "is that all of it" but I no longer care and my smaller outgoings mean lots of extra holidays for us which id rather have. Also my friends daughter doesn't know her mum is commuting child tax/working tax fraud to fund their house 😡
Everyone's got a nicer house than us too... we can't even afford to buy in-catchment for the kids' school (we got in for infants) so we're going to have to probably appeal to get into the juniors.
I just try not to think about it - I'd rather be in a slightly smaller house with room for things to go mildly pear shaped than teetering right at the top of our financial budget - I can just about remember the 15% interest rates and chaos that caused people.
Bathroom numbers ARE the real issue for us though - we have various issues meaning we're jiggling things around a bit to get another toilet in the house... but DD2 has toileting issues and constipation and spends a fair amount of time doing fairly regimented toilet sits and I'm sick of her sister dramatically doing the wee wee dance and demanding to get on to upstage that - so a second loo sorts that problem out nicely!
Shower over baths don't have to be crap - I can't remember ever living anywhere that had anything else tbh. Is it a crap shower full stop?
Can you do things to brighten up the bathroom - bleach grout/regrout, or new improved lighting (depending where the light is you might not need bathroom high ISO (right acronym??) ones and the kitchen LED ones can brighten a room up cheaply. Or add a new big mirror? Switch out a shower curtain for a screen or replace the curtain? Box in any exposed pipe work? Cupboard so things like bleach are out the way and out of sight? Little bits that make a bathroom seem nicer even if it's not fancy!
Im the poor relative in my circle of friends. I only bought my first house last year.
I've got a teeny wee house. Living room, bathroom, bedroom, kitchen that's it. Cost less than £80k. My best friend lives in a half a million pound 5 bed house. All my other friends live in bigger posher more expensive houses than me.
I don't care. I absolutely love my house. It's perfect. It's mine and I don't care what anyone thinks.
Enjoy what you have. Life isn't a competition
It's all about the mindset. We live in a pretty fancy house with lots of marble, Venetian chandeliers, cinema room, gym etc. Guess what, DH still gets jealous of people with indoor pools, tennis courts and what not...
Your house sounds comfortable and big enough for your family. Appreciate it and don't get consumed by jealousy.
Our kids go to a village school that was named as one of the poshest areas to live in. Most of thier friends live in massive country houses, horses, land and holiday in fancy places, ski etc and lots will be going to private school for secondary.
I feel embarrassed about our house all the time, then a couple of months ago DDs friend came over and said 'wow your house is really big'!!!!
It's a 3 bed semi but we have a study and a conservatory downstairs plus the bathroom and kitchen are a bit bigger than a normal 3 bed.
Made me realise it's all relative and there's people that envy me!!
What specifically gets you down about your house or is it just the size? I think surroundings are important especially if you're a SAHP as you spend so much time there.
I like showers over the bath. Lots of room. You don't have to clean both. Lots of separate shower cubicles are a bit stingy size wise to fit in a smaller room, with lots of glass to clean. And with a shower over the bath you can have a luxurious shower/ bath = shower first to get mud / dirt off. Then fill up bath for a relaxing soak, hair treatment. The shower off.
Regarding lots of bathrooms, it is not usually where the majority of time is spent. Just make your spaces look nice & relax.
I would just accept the fact you are feeling jealous. I think jealousy is considered 'bad' but actually what's wrong with it?! I find it motivating You feel jealous of bigger houses. They probably feel jealous you spend more time with your DS. I would say he is only a baby. You may return to work in 5 years and be able to afford a bigger house then. You may decide to stay at home, and own your decision to be there for your boy.
FWIW I grew up in a 3 bed, 1 bath house in a tiny box room and never even knew about en suites/separate showers until I left home! Kids don't care about these things only adults...
Don't worry about your home OP everyone is different. You enjoy with your little one.
Most people I know have large houses. My sisters complain all the time about trying to keep them clean.
I have always gravitated to small cottages. Cosy and comfy and every one came round to mine because they liked the cosy feel!!
I now live in a one bed apartment, low maintenance and love it.
If I won the lottery I wouldn't want a big house but might like a fancy car!
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