Why do you live where you live? wwyd?

[Stressed1912]

I have never posted before so I apologise if this is in the wrong section.
To try and cut a long story short me and my partner have just bought our first home. To be honest it is a disaster..
We moved from a flat in a busy town centre full of our friends 30 minutes away to a town where we know no-one and live in a quiet (boring) road in a house in need of serious modernising. We chose the area as it was a halfway point between where we were living (friends) and where we work (and also where family live). It made perfect sense in our heads but I hate it. I have suffered with manageable anxiety for several years but this has triggered constant anxiety and very low mood. We need to do up the house before making a decision but I think I want to move back to the busy town where our friends are, I could easily find work there but it would mean DP going back to an hours commute. If we don't move back there where would we go..
I guess what I'm asking is how do you know/decide where you should live? This seemed a good idea but I'm so miserable
Any advice will be so greatly received!

[Gazelda]

It sounds upsetting for you. Are you sure it's not the scale of the work you need to do that's triggering your anxiety?
For what it's worth, I'd have made the same decision as you. Reduce commute and find the best possible home as an investment.
Can you invite friends over for decorating parties? I did that in my first home. We had a tiling weekend, a painting party, a gardening group etc. All accompanied by BBQ sauce. And we found our local pub which made the area feel a bit more welcoming.

[Gazelda]

Shit - must remember to proof read. BBQs, not BBQ sauce!

[StarTravels]

We are moving into the middle of nowhere. 30 minutes from friends and an hour from family. It's a reasonable commute and that's why we chose the location. We can't even walk from our house to anyone else very easily as there's no pavement (it's really in the middle of nowhere). I'm a bit nervous as to whether it's the right decision but I am generally happy to drive to see people and this gives us a very large garden and my husband will still get home to see the DC before bed. We figure we will just move again if we need to but we need to give it a try.

Perhaps see if you can get involved in some of the local community and can you invite your friends over regularly so you feel more connected?

[FaFoutis]

How long have you lived there?
I was desperately trawling rightmove for houses back where we had moved from for at least 3 months after we moved. I feel fine about it now. We did it for the schools.

[wowfudge]

Are you living with mess from building and redecorating? It is stressful and you never seem to have any time to yourself. You also tend not to invite people round because it's not finished or is a mess and that cuts you off from people. How about a break away from the house?

We have had a lot of work done to the house we bought 15 months ago and some of it has been hellish. Our kitchen project has been on the go for ten months and is very nearly finished. But in order to keep things moving along I have had to spend evenings doing all the crappy prep and finishing jobs and there is still quite a bit to do. I am shattered and have found it pretty awful.

[Stressed1912]

Gazelda I think whats triggered it is that when I had anxiety attacks before I knew my flat was kind of a 'safe place' and the anxiety would go away when I was there whereas this doesn't feel like my home and I'm having attacks here too.
The house isn't a mess as we're doing a room at a time (so far only living/dining area) but I suppose it does feel daunting the amount that needs doing and the cost especially as it needs doing even if we're going to sell.
FaFoutis just over 2 months and I am honestly on right move everyday as well as trawling mumsnet for people who have moved and regretted it! Our friends do come over and we go to them it just feels so 'pointless' living here like it's just an island between work, friends and family.
Thank you all so much for your replies

[Kursk]

We moved from the middle of a Town in the South West to a remote homestead in North Eastern USA.

Water from a well, electricity from solar, heat and hot water from firewood.

Our nearest neighbor - 5 miles
Nearest tarmac road - 15 miles
Nearest village -25 miles

It's our idea of heaven to be away from society and civilization. To be able to raise our family somewhere safe where we can teach them to be self reliant.

I now dread having to go into a big city.

[EllaHen]

I lasted a year in a house in a location like you describe. My first house.

My current house, we chose for a few reasons. It's the house that will home our family through the dc's teen years so we needed it to be close enough to public transport, amenities etc.

Since moving in though, I can hand on heart say that the thing that will keep me here is that I can see the sea.

[Tilapia]

It sounds like you made the move for sensible reasons. Maybe give it a bit longer before you decide? How does your partner feel about it? Moving is so stressful - are you sure it's not the move itself, rather than the new place, that has triggered your anxiety?

[HipsterHunter]

I think it is really common to hate your new house for a bit!

Honestly I was so convinced I'd made a bad decision when I first moved into mine last year and now I love love love it and it feels like my sanctuary.

Just takes time to get over the moving process, have friends over to have some happy times, get at least a couple of rooms sorted so you have a nice space to retreat to.

Don't underestimate the stress of moving and renovations!

[Stressed1912]

Tilapia he agrees it's not the right location but is not sure about going back to the old commute (though says he will if it will make me happy).
We will definitely give it more time and finish the work it's just scary thinking I might feel this way for the whole time :(

[BewareTheUndertoad]

I am here because there were hardly any houses to buy in any of the places we looked.

I would rather live somewhere else but people love it here any many have been here for most of their lives, schools are good, transport links are good. It is just not how I remembered it, things change and nothing I was looking forward to is here any more.

Every house that sells is being ripped apart, extended and has the soul stripped out of it, ours should be like that too as it is outdated and still had the soul stripped out of it before we bought it.

Whatever I do I am fighting a losing battle.

[Tortycat]

I sympathise. We moved about 18 months ago to our 'dream' home ie lovely large house, huge garden, good schools etc. I was very unsettled initially (& even posted on here!). I've settled more since, and love the house, but still miss the busy 'vibe' of our old neighbourhood. The house and gatden are overwhelming us as we have small children so not enough time or money to spend on it. Dh would like to move but we'll probably stay for the good schools. In hindsight i wouldn't have moved as id like a smaller mortgage, busier neighbourhood and shorter commute, but i hope this place will grow on me and i still think it is better fir the children (lower crime etc). Throw yourself into the new place, try and meet neighbours etc., and rethink in a year or so once youve given it a chance.

[Tortycat]

Oh and by moving we've found out more about what we do and dont like - eg want amenities within walking distance, less hills, nearer the sea. I cant think of anywhere to move in the uk which has everything i want! lessons learned the hard way though!

[Fluffyears]

My friend made bed from a 2 bedroom flat in the city to a 4 bedroom house further out in a town and hated it. She loved the hustle and bustle of the city, being able to go for a drink or a meal easily and not have to drive or get a train and taxi. If she wasn't at work she felt trapped. The flat didn't sell so she took it off the market did it up, sold the house and moved back.

[Stressed1912]

That's exactly how I feel fluffed, I feel like we're not ready for life in a quiet cul de sac. Whenever we visit friends where we moved from I love it, I think we will move back it's just a compromise that means DP will have a long commute again..