House purchase dilemma.....help!(13 Posts)
I am going slowly crazy and need some impartial advise/ ideas......
My husband and I recently bought a house in Eltham. We have moved just a few hundred metres down the road as we loved the area so much and just wanted to upsize (we have bought a 4 bed semi from a 2 bed terrace). It took ages to go through and I was so mega excited the whole time.... This was our dream house in so many ways! It looks beautiful, spacious, big garden, close to everything.....
The compromises were that the kitchen needs a lot of work (fine as a long term plan and we held money from our sale for it) and that its next to a community hall. We agonised about that prior to purchase..... Most of the neighbours nearby have lived here 20 plus years and we have never seen or heard anything so took it as a compromise.
So now we're in (we moved 10 days after having baby number 2 about 3 months ago) and i can't stop feeling like we have done the wrong thing...... I'm driving myself and my husband crazy as I just can't fall in love with it. The midweek activities in the hall are lovely. It's busy but never a problem. Love seeing people coming and going and groups meeting up. However to make ends meet they hire for parties on a weekend. We have hardly ever seen anything there (we have driven past a lot!!!) but a few weeks ago there was one at it was sooooo horrendously loud and busy. And now I'm worried that that could potentially happen regularly and would be too much to handle!
It is also (as expected) noisier than our old place and is irritating me more than i thought it would!? But I can't tell if I'm over reacting! Is the house good enough to outweigh the compromises???
My gut reaction is to only stay a couple of years, cut our losses and move...... However the kitchen desperately needs doing but would be extensive work! Should we do the work in the hope it would help me settle, or live with it (it's really awful!!) and not even bother?! I don't want to plough money in if we don't end up staying, but at the same time..... How will I ever love it if I don't make it feel like home?!
We loved it for such a long time.... But now I can't seem to see things rationally?!!..... Does anyone have any advise, ideas, words or encouragement?
Anyone else live near a hall?? Are these feelings normal when you move initially or should unfollow my gut instinct???
I would give it at least a year, you are likely sleep deprived if you have a baby so will not think as rationally as you would were you getting a normal night's sleep.
What type of house is it? Good double glazed windows can make a huge difference, but it can be expensive in a period house. You might find that the parties are seasonal, so it's likely to be quieter outside of summer and new year.
Don't write it off yet, but even if you never grow to like it you can smarten it up and move again in five years or so and you might even make a profit. We used to live by the Thames and the first summer that we were there I thought we had made a huge mistake as we had our windows open at night and the party boats on the Thames were incredibly loud. However we got used to it and just slept through the noise, even the DC slept through it, and we lived there happily for over ten years. We only left because we moved to another country.
I would investigate permitted noise levels and speak to the management of the hall - they may not know someone has abused the rules, for example. Good neighbour relations will be high on their list of priorities as well as making operation of the place pay.
Living next door to a community amenity like that, you have to go in with your eyes open - did you read up on the permitted operating hours, etc before you bought?
Thanks for your replies! Very much appreciated! The house is double fronted cottage style and 100 years old this year. The windows are good quality double glazing and do keep a lot of the noise out. It is just new to me having to sleep with windows closed/ adjust to the noise outside.
We knew the terms of the hall (music off by 10.30 on a Saturday and 9.30 on a Sunday) and the majority of activities are from affiliated community groups for activities rather than loud or love music (absolutely no issue there). There is no bar either, it is just the (potential) parties. I think it is just a case of living near something vs living next to it.....now worried I'm not as prepared/ easy going as I thought?!
I am happy to sit it out for a couple of years with some sprucing, it is the kitchen that is the issue. It is a very odd shape and extends into a dilapidated conservatory. It was going to be our big project.....but will come in at between £30-40k to do what we'd intended and I'm really not sure I want to hang around long enough to recoup that?!
I also worry whether we would be able to resell?! I think hormones and sleep are definately factors.... Plus I'm on mat leave so noticing absolutely everything at the moment...... Really, I just don't seem to know my own mind at the moment at all!??? I feel so overwhelmed!
Upon purchase we just got so swept away with how much space and potential the house had and I don't think we focused enough on the environment and external factors.....hindsight is unfortunately useless!
I'm thinking there could be a compromise solution to the conservatory/ kitchen set up..... But not sure who to contact?? Builder? Conservatory company??
Thanks again for taking the time to respond...... Feel a bit better just for writing it down and know that I have to give it a year!
i don't want to sound patronising, but things are totally overwhelming with a baby. i'm sure you're doing fine, but not getting enough sleep is enough to make me struggle to deal with things.
look at it as a period of adjustment. mark a date in your diary for 2 months time and see how you feel then. meanwhile, dream about that kitchen, start to make your house your home. and then see if there is any change in 2 months. chances are you'll love it more or you'll see the negatives more clearly.
i've been in your situation (i think) where i just feel overwhelmed and can't see the wood for the trees when it comes to these sorts of life decisions.
if you can't make a decision, don't. things very rarely stay the same, and even if they do stay the same, there's your answer too.
I think money you spend on a kitchen would probably be recouped - presumably if you come to sell potential purchasers would take the kitchen / conservatory and work into account when making an offer. I would do it. Firstly because you have to live there for a couple of years (I think if you put it on the market now you'd never recover your purchase price and moving costs, and buyers would certainly question why you were moving on so quickly and potentially put buyers off) secondly because it might make you feel better about the house and thirdly because it will help sell the house if you do decide to move on.
I agree that being on mat leave + being tired may exaggerate the problem and things will probably settle down.
I live in a village directly opposite the parish church which has a hall on one side and a pub with tables at the front outside on the other.
It is definitely noisier than where I lived before. Lots of the noise is really nice things - carols from the church at Christmas, wedding bells on a Saturday afternoon. The pub is noisier than the hall and I did notice it initially but very quickly got used to it. I honestly think you will be the same.
I've been blocked into my drive a couple of times - once by a mourner at a funeral, once by someone ferrying a very old lady in a wheelchair to a church service. My DS parks on the street and we always move his car round the corner prior to weddings. I quite like the feeling of being at the physical centre of the community.
You will get used to it.
We moved to a main road and now I hardly hear it.
Thanks everyone. I hope you're right and we get used to the compromises. The kids love the space and that is a major plus factor for me!
Think I need to let the hormones settle, wait til I am getting some full nights of sleep and start decorating the bits that are cheaper to do. Maybe once the surroundings are better I will chill about the other bits?!
After that I think I need to get some advice about what our kitchen/ extension options are as a full range....... Not just all or nothing which is all I can focus on at the moment!!
Thanks again for all the replies
As far as dealing with potential noise is concerned (& tbf those hours sound very reasonable) get a fan! They do a wonderful job of generating just enough white noise to cover most disturbing noises outside & you could then keep your windows open.
I run one all year round but point it into a corner in cold weather
It took me 6 months to settle in my current house, i focused & stressed over many things that don't bother me now. No house is perfect so there will always be something you will fret over & you need to remind yourself that you have to take a compromise somewhere, I think you just need time.
I did the kitchen & bathroom here & have recently sold & we did get our money back. If the kitchens in a bad state you should get your money back, if you change a decent kitchen because it wasn't to your taste thats a different story.
Im hopefully moving soon and am dreading getting the the post purchase fear/depression again as I'm such a worrier. I realise now it was quite irrational but it felt very real at the time!
thank you so much everyone!!! These responses have truly helped me!
Roseandbee..... We sound like peas in a pod! I worry constantly about everything! We came in eyes wide open to the compromise of the hall but now I'm here it seems too much. But like you say, I think I need to give it time (and see how I feel when I go back to work and am no longer on mat leave and here 24/7!)
The space and look of the house are great....... The kitchen is appalling:.... If we stay it has to be done. The difficulty is that it needs structural work to be worth having which is obviously very expensive. (We were prepared for that but initially expecting to making it a long term home!) But if we don't do it well never know for sure...... And it would certainly help sell (even If it didn't make us money) in the longer term.
My plan now is to get the anxiety in check and sit it out for a full year to see things in full. Hopefully some of the panic will have subsided and I will love it again!
Thank you all so much!!
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