OMG Shit Happens - Advice needed(19 Posts)
We are due to move on Friday next week. It's a big move. I am the main organiser, DH, is very impractical but there are two older teenagers.
I have broken my ankle. Pot, crutches, everything. Can bear a tiny amount of weight but can't carry or move anything.
The movers are booked with packing service
The paperwork is done
There was shopping for bits to be done at the weekend - you know: Microwave, steam mop, freezer, bed linen, etc., and possibly some other nice things.
There is organising to do
Unpacking to be done
Food shopping to be done
A house at this end to be left spick and span and one at the other end to make spick and span
There was to have been shopping for new bits of furniture
Chosing colour schemes
DH is irritated, DS is annoyed at being asked to help (I suppose I could turn it into a job).
Just not how we wanted our dream home move to be.
Practical suggestions and support required in spades please.
Firstly, commiserations on the ankle thing. I know exactly how painful and limiting having a broken ankle can be.
Secondly, shout loudly at your dh for being such an arse as to be irritated with you and tell him to either cheer up or fuck off.
Thirdly, inform your precious teenager that he is going to have to get off his backside and help a bit and it won't kill him. Do not pay him.
Fourthly, hire a cleaner (via an agency) for your house. Will the house you move into really be so filthy that your dh and teens won't be able to make it acceptable?
Fifthly, buying new furniture and bits and pieces can wait.
Its a shame your dream home move isn't going to be perfect, but you could always remind yourself and your family that you are not refugees from North Africa trying to get across to Europe on overcrowded boats and quite possibly drowning in the process.
Sorry about your ankle, couldn't happen at a worse time. Few ideas to help, do your shopping on line and delivered by the weekend and get a food delivery (online supermarket) to the new place. Book a cleaner to clean the old house and another one at the other end. Make sure you have a chair so you can sit and direct the movers so all boxes and furniture end up in the right rooms then bribe/pay ds to help with the unpacking!
Don't forgrt to take a bottle and some glasses with you so you can have a large glass of wine to help you relax in the new place
Mintyy, yes I know we are better off than refugees from North Africa!
Have already got a cleaning firm for the house we are leaving. But I really wanted to have everything dusted before it hit a removal van - you know the backs of things that never see the light.
Food deliveries a good idea.
We already have a hotel booked for actual moving in day - it was to ease the load and make it all mega organised
Oh fuckity fuck.
It's just the impromptu little trips to do one last thing I suppose - one last trip to the dump and having to be reliant on other people and do stuff in their time with negotiation and all the hassle it brings.
Ummm, irritated? I'd be furious with him for that. When we bought our first house, I was really unwell. I went to solicitors and signed the papers, puked all the way to the estate agent to collect the keys and then DH dropped me at the GP (new town, not registered). Turned out I had a raging kidney infection and GP had to give me an injection so I could get myself home. By the time I got there, DH had made the bed and put sheets on it. I stayed there for two days while he cleaned the house and unpacked everything. He should be moving heaven and earth to keep you off your ankle right now.
Look, I'm sorry if that is annoying to you but I honestly find when things are getting me down or seem insurmountable, that it is useful and helpful to remind myself how lucky I am compared to millions if not billions of people in the world and be grateful for that. You can call me patronising or smug or whatever if you like, I am just giving you another suggestion for a coping strategy.
Oh bugger I just wrote a long reply Mintyy. But the nub of it was that I didn't mean it like it came across. I know, I agree with you and have been looking for silver linings all day. I'm so sorry if I offended you, I didn't mean to.
It's a pain, it's frustrating, my lot are used to me being the "fixer" who makes all things home related go smoothly. They sort of think it all happens by magic. It might be a wonderful wake up call for them. I don't think one of them understands the number of balls I juggle and the paddling under the surface that goes on to make their lives sleek and well oiled.
the husband and two teens have 2 options.
Grow up realise that yes shit happens it's a part of life. They need to man up and suck it up and deal with the moving stuff.
Unless they intended in sitting on their arses during everything shouldn't be too much of a shock to their weak little emotional bodies. Really how much carrying
Would you have been doing? Very little I hope.
Or it can go a lot easier if all their shit is left behind.
arrange an online shop to be delivered the day after you move in.
order a takeaway for the night you arrive.
get one of the kids to go buy milk, bread, etc. Time they learnt, well overdue.
ensure insurances (house and car) are sorted and post redirect in place.
take meter readings at both places.
get kids to help clean up or book a cleaning firm. Dusting the backs of objects can be done after you move.
EVERYTHING else you mention can wait. For months if necessary.
I see what Mintyy is saying but whilst it helps put things into perspective, it doesn't solve anything practical. Book cleaners. Get your dh to face up to life. Bribe or instruct the teenagers.Online shop for what you can. No point rushing out to buy new stuff before you get used to the house. Microwave can be cheap Argos click and collect.
It's going to be hard if your dh is a twat but he can't duck out.
Fucking hell your dh is being a prick. Dh was working away the weeks before we moved 2 years ago so I packed an entire 4 bed house by myself. Then on the day he had an eye infection so badly that he couldn't see so I coordinated the moving guys, cleaned the house best as I could as they moved the stuff out then got everything sorted at the other end so we had a bed for the night. By myself. So with him and your ds they will have it sorted even if you do nothing.
We're aiming to move on or around the day I'm due to give birth. There's also not a chance in hell we could afford actual movers - if absolutely nothing goes wrong, we might be able to get a man with a van, otherwise it's going to be us, a couple of friends, and my Berlingo.
Tell your DH to man the fuck up, OP!!
My sister is an army wife. Husband was working away and she had to move to a new county, with three kids under age of 5, on her own. She had to leave the old house spotless or incur huge fines. Not a spare penny for a cleaner, nevermind a packing service. You will be fine, enjoy your new home.
to all those saying that it is much worse for others. I am sure the OP realises that she is comparatively lucky on the global scale. She is, however, in pain, highly stressed, her DS is being a typical selfish teenager and her DH is being a prick. Sometimes compassion begins with the situation right in front of you, and I doubt that anyone wouldn't feel just a little bit in the circumstances.
OP, I would suggest moving this to the relationships board because I don't think what's bothering you is the practicalities. You sound amazingly organised and together, and you sound like you already have a Plan B and an Plan C for all eventualities. You do, however have a relationship issue with a DH who simply isn't acting like a grown man and stepping up to the situation at hand. And you may find that you get some useful support on there.
I also think that accepting that sometimes things can't be perfectly organised - that life tends to militate against that kind of absolute control - can be useful. Highly chaotic people manage to move house, after all! If the backs of things aren't dusted, well that doesn't really matter in the grand scheme of things. Letting it go and accepting that it will just take a little bit longer to get everything as you want it will be really helpful. It doesn't make the dream house any less dreamy that you won't be on top of it inside of a week. Try to enjoy it anyway!
You wouldn't have had time to dust the backs of things as they went into the van anyway - the movers wouldn't want you in the way either as they are so fast when they are packing.
When we did a big move and there was just no time at all, we got most of the boxes put in our integrated garage grouped by room. All the clothes had gone in wardrobe boxes, and essentials had gone in the car, so there wasn't a huge rush on the rest.
Calm down - if this is your dream house you have a long time to buy stuff for it and choose colour schemes. And maybe this is a good point at which to make your dh and dc take a bit more responsibility for themselves
If a friend says, "let me know if there's anything I can do", give her a couple of jobs.
Hiring cleaners and ordering food online is a good idea.
Get DH to go out and buy the microwave/mop etc. You could pre-order them at Homebase or B&Q so that all he will need to do is fetch 'em.
just make sure the cleaners use decent cleaning fluids - I hired cleaners to clean both houses when we moved and the new house smelt like a public toilet for about 3 weeks because of the crap they had used to clean with. I also found that they didn't do obviously things like move a small f ridge out and clean behind - it was disgusting. Give them a clear list of exactly what to clean if you can - I didn't and I know the job wasn't well done but the whole thing was so stressful for other reasons I just let it go. I hope your move goes well.
I just thought I'd post a little update. This was never a "relationships thread". I've been with my DH for more than 25 years and understand his every nuance. He had come round by Friday morning and a darling at the weekend. He even left work early tonight and is home, sorting out his study. The children are knackered having fetched, carried, bought, wiped down and polished all weekend. I am a bit more nimble and have managed to wash down the outdoor paintwork today and clean out the fridge/freezer/drinks fridge, microwave, utensil and cutlery drawers and have blast cleaned the dishwasher. It is coming together.
Wish me luck at the fracture clinic tomorrow morning
Glad it's all pulled together and good luck.
Oh and now you know they can all get their bums in gear...
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